Friday, July 20, 2007

Dreaming in the Sun

I know I shouldn’t have, but I just couldn’t bear not to.

Living in D. C. is nothing like living in Vegas. I miss the pure heat of the sun. The way it beats down on you and makes your skin tingle. I miss the way the hot air caresses your skin, raising goose bumps along your arms and legs, and sending a shiver through your body.

Blake thinks I’m crazy.

But then, he’s from a naturally humid area. Warm, yes, but not truly hot, not unless the moisture factor is through the roof. He doesn’t get it.

But I do.

Having spent my childhood on the coast of Massachusetts, I know. I migrated to Nevada after having spent some time out that way, searching for something I was unable to find. I was almost twenty-two and looking for my sanity. I’d lost my husband and my child and thought about why and who and when, and not finding any answers. My friends, and fellow Army brats, Dusty and Andy, took me in and tried their best to help me out, but it was no use. So, instead, we hung out at Dusty’s place in Vegas, drank margaritas, soaked up the sun, and burnt our toes on the hot desert sand. Probably not the best way to ease my depression and heartache, but at that point, I was out of options.

I may not have been able to piece my heart back together at that point, but I was able to mend my aching soul. I attribute it to the healing powers of the desert, but my brother thinks I’m nuts.

That seems to be the general consensus these days.

So, here I am, eleven years later, and pregnant again. Back home for just a couple days. I begged for leave the moment my Cowboy told me he had a show here, in what has become my true home. Being with him here, in my much neglected home, was too much of a call to ignore. We were married here, in this house, in this beloved desert of mine. How could I not want to go?

He’s gone now, left early this morning. I’m alone, aside from Blake’s young son, Rory, who’s sound asleep in his crib. At last check, he had his stuffed bass tucked under his chin, thumb in his mouth. A perfect opportunity for a bit of ‘me time’, something I don’t get much of.

Excuse me while I stretch and yawn, this warmth always makes me sleepy. I’d better get up and slather on more sunscreen before I drift off. Rory will be up and eager again before too long, so I might as well enjoy the quiet and spend a bit more time dreaming in the sun.

Monday, July 16, 2007

I Believe…

… that guns don’t kill people. Husbands who come home early do. Or so says Jeff Foxworthy.

Which brings me to where I am right now. What do I really believe? About me, my life, my love, my family?

I’ll start with the easy part first, my family. I believe that I have finally found just the right mix of serious and insane, enough down-to-earth to balance out the not-so-much-so. Between my adopted brother and my best friend, I think there lays a lot of grey area. A gaping grey area filled with people like my Cowboy, ‘Zook, Tim, Andy, Jo, Billy, Bucky and my Cowbaby. And there’s more, too many more to mention here and now.

Notice I didn’t mention any blood relatives? That’s because they are so not in my realm of family. My brothers hate me and my parents are just indifferent. Make for a fun life, doesn’t it? And as for my Cowboy’s family, I think they may just hate me even more than my own does, which is quite the accomplishment, if you ask me.

This is the reason I’m so thankful for Albie and even ‘Zook, they keep me smiling when I want to murder someone. Red and Billy give me reason to be relieved when the Cowboy and I fight. Seeing another couple so much in love that fights more than we do? It’s reassuring. It’s not always all that pleasant because ticking Scarlett off is never a smart thing to do, but it is comforting to know you’re not alone. Jo and Tim, I think, are the only two middle-of-the-road people I know. And God love them for putting up with all the rest of us.

What can I say about Rory, aka Bucky, and the little Cowbaby to be? Aside from the fact that they are a constant reminder to me of why I should NOT to murder their father? Kids change your life and Rory has gone above and beyond in that area. He’s brought so much joy, light, love and chaos into an already crazy home…

In the realm of my family, I believe that I am blessed.

My life is a much harder topic to tackle. My job sucks most days and I never know what’s going to happen next. My superiors are overbearing, obnoxious jerks that live to make my life difficult. However, seeing as they’re protecting the fate of the free world, would I really expect anything less? Would I want anything less? Probably not.

Being stuck on indefinite desk duty is a chore. No idea even when I’ll be allowed to get back to the real aspects of my job once this little one arrives. Six months? A year? And what will the Cowbaby’s Daddy say when that time comes around again? I dread that moment. It will not be a happy point in our relationship I’m thinking…

I believe that I may just survive my life as a soldier tied to a desk, just as long as they don’t make me stay here.

Which leaves me with the state of my love life… over the last year, it’s had its ups and downs, but I’ve, we’ve, managed to make it through. I do believe we’ve come out of all this crap stronger, happier, and a much more solid couple. Couple of what, however, remains to be seen.

But I digress…

My Cowboy hasn’t ever been made to be responsible for himself, let alone a wife and a young child. Rory was the surprise that changed his life, his attitude, and our relationship. His sudden appearance in our life made us reevaluate how and why we were together. And I think he’s come to understand that, since taking in and taking on a child that’s not even mine, that I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon. Something that, just a few months ago, he refused to believe was possible. As a matter of fact, that was something he was sure of just a few months ago. Confessing that small bit of information to me has always left me wondering why he’d proposed in the first place. If he didn’t think here was where I wanted to be, why ask? But, then, you have to consider the source on that one.

I’ll never regret this trip he and I are making together. There are days when I wonder why I worked so hard to get the right to be his woman, ask myself why I couldn’t just let him go… But then, Rory will give me one of his daddy’s smiles, and those little blue eyes will shine with joy and I know: This is what it’s all about. Being mom to this little boy has been an adventure; I cannot wait to see what his sister is like. After all, she’s not just part Cowboy; she’s going to be part me as well. God help her. I’m thankful he loves us all enough to not go postal on us all.

I believe that I’ve found the man of my dreams, and that he just may be a bit of a hopeless romantic at that… There’s no other explanation, is there?

~Ali, overflowing with hormones…

Tuesday, July 10, 2007


• A
Are you available?: Nope
What is your age?: 33 tomorrow, tomorrow…

• B
Do you know anyone named Brian?: Yes! Does he owe you money too?
When is your birthday?: July 11th

• C
What's your favorite candy?: Any kind with sugar?
What kind of car do you drive?: Jeep

• D
Do you daydream?: Yeah
What's your favorite kind of dog: Basset hound

• E
How do you like your eggs?: Depends on who’s cooking them.
Have you ever been in the emergency room?: Oy and Vey. Too many times.
Ever pet an elephant?: No

• F
Do you use fly swatters? Nooooo…
Is there a fan in your room?: Two. :)

• G
Do you chew gum?: Yep.
Do you like gummy candies?: Again, do they have sugar?
Do you like gorey movies?: YEAH!

• H
How are you?: Pregnant. Need I say more?
What's your height?: 6’ 1”
What color is your hair?: Brown w/some encroaching grey…

• I
What's your favorite ice cream?: cake batter
Have you ever ice skated?: Yes
Ever been in an igloo?: Yes and would have rather skipped that assignment…

• J
Favorite Jelly Bean: MARGARITA!
Do you wear jewelry: Yeah

Who do you want to kill?: Nobody currently.
Have you ever flown a kite?: Yeah
Do you think kangaroos are cute? Hmm, how close am I?

Are you laidback?: Sometimes
Lions or tigers?: BEARS!
Do you like black licorice?: EEEW!

• M
Favorite store at the mall?: Which mall?
Favorite movie?: Tombstone

• N
Do you have a nickname?: None that I can print. :) Cookie and Jaye usually.
Do you prefer night or day? Day

• O
Are you an only child?: No.
Do you like the color orange?: Prefer green. *snort*

• P
Do you know anyone named Penelope?: Not that I know of. If SHE owes you money, it's not my problem.
Are you quick to judge people?: I try not to be.

• R
Do you think you're always right?: No
Do you watch reality TV?: Bleh.

• S
Do you prefer sun or rain?: Rain? What’s rain?
Do you like snow?: See igloo question.

• T
What time is it?: 12:24 PM
What time did you wake up? 4 AM

• U
Can you ride a unicycle?: Never had a reason to try.
Do you know anyone with a unibrow?: *snort* *giggle* *choke*

• V
Did you ever watch Veggie Tales?: Never, but I have the feeling I may in the future…

• W
What's your worst habit?: My brother says it's my sarcasm. Can’t imagine where he got that idea at.
What do you want right now?: *cough* Someone, um, I mean someTHING I can’t have…

• X
Have you ever had an x-ray?: Tons!
Ever used a Xerox machine?: Duh! Who hasn't?

• Y
Do you like the color yellow?: Nope.
What year were you born in?: 1974
Do you yell when you're angry?: Yeah. In several languages.

• Z
Do you believe in the zodiac?: Depends on what it’s telling me. LOL

Six lasts:
6. last dream: Heh heh heh…
5. last beverage: Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf iced mocha
4. last phone call: Albie
3. last text message: My Cowboy
2. last time you cried: I’m pregnant! Answer that your damn self!
1. last time you hugged someone? A few hours ago when I dropped Bucky off at daycare…

Who thinks up these questions anyway?

Random Junk...

1. Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion?
Without a doubt…

2. What would you do if you opened up your front door to a dead body?
Shrug my shoulders and call my brother.

3. Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didn't?

Not recently.

4. Have you ever fallen down a set of stairs?
*snort* Need you even ASK?

5. Ever found more than a dollar in a random place?
Yeah baby…

6. Does someone close to you smoke cigarettes?

7. Everybody knows:
That to mess with me is to get your butt kicked.

8. When a friend walks out of your life, do you go after them, or let them go?
Why’d they leave? Were they bleeding when they went?

9. Do you still live at home?

Um, well… it’s not the street so yeah…

10. Last time you smiled?
I'm smiling right now. :)

11. What do you do when a telemarketer calls?
Threaten them with bodily harm and then gently hang up.

12. Would life be the same without alcohol?

*cough* Alcohol? What makes you think I drink? *innocent eyes*

13. Who do you have a crush on?

…shhhh… noone’s supposed to know about Billy!

14. Have you had "the best night of your life?"
Of course. Several. Recently too.

15.Do you know anyone by the name of Dennis?
Yeah, why? Does he owe you money?

16. Where is your brother right now?

Pacing the floor, waitin’ on his woman.

17. Name five things you did today?
1. Showered
2. Cleaned my guns
3. Fed the kid
4. Threatened some unruly subordinates
5. Cuddled my honey.

18. What are you listening to?

Tracy Byrd (shhh… don’t tell the Cowboy…)

19. What do you smell like?
Baby powder. Thanks a lot, Rory.

20. Have you ever done a Chinese fire drill?

Yeah. In a tank too.

21. Are you married?


22. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
Real or adopted? Avoid the real siblings but love my adopted brother. Talk to him daily.

23. Can you play an instrument?

Sure can. Up for some bagpipes?

24. Do you like fire?
Fire! Fire! Fire! Huh huh huh huh…. *snort*

25. Best friend?
Absolutely! Married to one of ‘em.

26. Have you ever been to a spa?
Not my thing…

27. Do you miss someone?
Yeah, I do Cowboy…

28. Do they miss you?

29. Ever been stuck in an elevator?

*grins evilly* Yeeeeaaaaah…

30. What does your dad call you?
Damnit, Allyson! *rolls eyes*

31. What does you hair look like right now?

Um, you’d rather not know. I’ve got helmet hair. LOL

So, are you sorry you asked?