Monday, January 19, 2009


Yeah, and I’m admitting it, this time.

You see, I have a tiny problem.  I’m in love with my best friend.  I know, that sucks, right?  Even worse when your best friend is a guy like you are.

Not that that’s really the problem, amazingly enough, I’m quite comfortable with being attracted to him.  Now anyway.  In the beginning I thought I was losing my mind.  But once Cookie let me know she was cool with it, I finally figured that I should be too, right?  I mean, your heart don’t lie to you, does it?

And that’s where my problem comes from.  He’s in love with his girl, and I can dig that.  But he’s not sure about how things are gonna work now that they’re getting married.  Uh, I think I forgot to mention that.  They’re now engaged and I’m gonna lose him. 

I can’t stand it. 

I can’t remember when I was so confused.  I mean, I love my wife and she puts up with me, but I can’t just resist him either.  I guess I should be happy that she understands and it doesn’t bug her.  She doesn’t hate me or think there’s something wrong with me either… I can’t be sure, but I think she enables our rendezvous.  Gotta say this about my Cookie, she ain’t your ordinary wife.

And I’m thankful.

How many other women would go and try and convince their best friend to let her husband sleep with me?  Yeah, I know.  We all need help, but I think that’s why we get along so well.

I’m still confused and I think I just heard the doorbell.  Just what I don’t need tonight – my wife’s psychotic, narcissistic parents and her three egotistical asshole brothers (plus spouses, bonus!)…  Damn, Billy, care to sneak out for a quickie later?  I’ma gonna need it.

Somebody help me, please?  Ali’s tried and it’s just not helping, babe!


Friday, January 9, 2009

What Am I Going to DO with Him?

Observing Blake has always been a favorite pastime of mine.  I love to sit back and watch him when he’s unaware he’s being observed.  Those are the best times.  Like when he’s working on a new song or cleaning his gun…  Anything that comes so naturally to him is a pleasure to watch.
However, he’s almost as much fun when he knows he’s being watched, like when he’s on stage performing.  He really knows how to drive the hormonal teenage girls crazy, along with their undersexed middle-aged mothers.  But what am I saying since he knows just how to drive me crazy too (sexually and temperamentally…).  If nothing else, he knows how to play to his strengths.  And play them up as much as possible. 

I’m constantly amazed at how much Rory is like him, even at such a young age.  They both have a habit of tilting their heads just slightly when they’re concentrating on something.  Wish I knew if the tapping of the fingers while thinking was something Rory inherited from his father or just something he’s picked up, but either way, it drives me nuts.  Just one more reason to love that little boy even more, I guess.  And to watch that toddler boy pretend to give a concert is just the scariest and most hysterical thing ever.  He is entirely too much his father’s son, I’m thinking.  But, that’s not completely a bad thing.

So, with all that in mind, when Blake asked me to accompany him to a photo shoot for his new record label (YAY!  He’ll stop driving me SO nuts), I had to say yes.  I often get the chance to watch him doing something he knows and loves, but rarely do I get to watch him while he’s rather out of his element.  He made me promise because it’s not something that he’s comfortable with and, silly boy, thought I’d be good for a little moral support.

Oh, damn.  Was I supposed to be supportive?  I think I forgot…

So, when the day came, I managed to arrange someone (i. e. I blackmailed Billy) to watch the little ones so I could go and be supportive for the biggest kid in the family.  Sounds simple enough, right?  Yeah.  Not so much.

Blake dressed in his finest hick – new but weathered blue jeans, freshly ironed green flannel, the same old beat up boots and his new hat.  Yeah, he’s been neglecting the hat lately, so he bought a new one and wanted to take it for a test drive.  His words, not mine.  I had no choice but to shake my head and hope that the people taking the pictures had better taste than he did.

In that, at least, I got lucky.  When we arrived, he was immediately escorted to wardrobe.  Therein, he was made to don a rather sexy pair of rust-colored denim pants, topped off with a plain white button-up shirt that sported a matching rust-colored spray of ‘ink’ across the front.  He was encouraged to leave the top several buttons undone, not something he was all that trilled about, but I have to say… me likey.  I’m not sure if it was an attempt to add insult to injury or to just heighten his level of discomfort, but they insisted he stay barefoot for the shoot.  Gotta admit, that was a cute touch.  Even with his big-ass gunboat feet.

When the stylist approached and attempted to muss his hair, he balked.  And this, I suppose, is why he made me come along.  So, I intervened and ruffled his cute little curls myself, until the stylist was satisfied.  He still wasn’t thrilled, but was much happier to know a strange man wasn’t about to put his fingers into his hair.

And all this time, I thought he liked that!

But I digress. 

I have never been as entertained in all my life as I was watching him treated like a Barbie doll during this photo shoot.  “Mr. Matson, please turn your head.  No, like this.”  And then these conversations were always followed by a deep sigh from the photographer as he leaves the camera to come over and physically adjust Blake’s position himself.  To Blake’s credit, he finally seemed to get it, most likely out of fear, when the photog’s assistant tried to adjust the position of his hips in a certain shot.  I couldn’t help myself; I burst out into laughter with how fast that man of mine moved to get away from the assistant. 

But Blake’s a real sport about most things and, by the end of the shoot he was not only joking with the photographer but flirting with his male assistant.  See?  I knew he had it in him.   And to be completely honest, I think that he was having fun soaking up all the attention they lavished on him.  Nah, no conceit in OUR family… not at all… my husband has it all.

Oh stop looking at me that way, you so know it’s true.

And now, my only complaint is that he’s strutting around like a rooster in a coop full of hens… Yeah, okay, so I know he’s hot, but does he have to believe it so thoroughly himself?  Can’t a girl get a break?  Even better is watching Rory adopt his father’s newly energized strut, tossing his tiny hips around and grinning like a mini-rooster.


Now, my only question is… how long before Rayna develops MY long-suffering sigh and starts directing it at her brother?  Or, better yet… her father.  Now that will have to be something I get on video…

Yeah, I ‘m bad, but you love me for it anyway.  Serves ‘em both right.

Monday, January 5, 2009


I guess this makes it official. 

Mr. Matson,

We are happy to announce you as the newest member of Lazy Buck Records family!  Congratulations…

Blah, blah, blah.

After being so unceremoniously (see Ali, I do know a big word or two) dropped by my last record label last summer (and on my birthday, the bastards), I have finally finagled myself a new home.

So, now this means I have to start working again.


Oh well, Cookie will survive without me home all the time (stop dancing, dammit!).  After all, Rory’s three now and Raynie will be a year at the end of the month so…

Hold on…

How the hell did my BABY get to be a YEAR OLD?  My gods, why didn’t Ali warn me that she was gonna grow up?  Rory, okay, he needs it, but not my little baby girl… NO!

Sorry, got sidetracked there.  Nothing that a smack  upside the head can’t fix, right Cookie?

Anyway, I’m just happy to finally have a job again.  Was feelin’ awfully guilty having my wife support me and all…  But seriously, all I’ve ever wanted to do is make music and to not be able to do that, well, it’s been hard on me.  Now I can.  And not just in the shower any more.

Yay me!

<~~ Blake (Ali says that’s my devil tail ya’ll)

Topless Bull Riding?


You’d be amazed by not only #1) the things that Blake has discovered in his time off ‘work’ but also #2) the things he’s able to coerce me into once he’s discovered him.

Damn him and his big blue eyes anyway!

So, there we were, on New Year’s Eve, hanging out at a local place we frequent (although, not so frequently these days, kids and all) when they announce the evening’s entertainment.  Yeah, you guessed it – Topless Bull Riding.

The first was rather good; you could tell she was a professional.  Professional what I’m not going to even contemplate, but she was much better than the second.  Those fake boobs just don’t bounce like the real thing.

The second, she was definitely an amateur.  Twelve too many shots o’tequila, I’m thinking.  And damn, we’re all lucky someone didn’t lose an eye by the time she was finished.

Next year, I’m thinking we’ll stay home with the kids.  Or, should we decide to venture out, I’m so not letting him pick the activity.

~A slack-jawed and wide-eyed Allyson 

Sunday, January 4, 2009

If You Only Knew the Truth...

Dear Ali,
Here is your horoscope for Sunday, January 4:

You're trying to keep cool about some topic of importance to you, but it may be tough. There's really only so much you can do to keep from blurting out the truth to the wrong people.

And now you want to know my secret, don't you?  Go on, admit it.  It's okay.