tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51263949935570016332024-03-08T14:45:08.359-08:00Code RedThe Amazing Adventures of the Matson Madhouse...Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.comBlogger101125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-15967473627481348962010-03-01T15:48:00.001-08:002010-03-01T15:48:44.454-08:00Um, Ooops?<p>Well, I’ll tell you that I honestly had no idea what I was thinking. But, in the end? It all worked out.</p> <p>Mighty mighty fine.</p> <p>Even if Adam swears he hates us both.</p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-29922466499408121842010-03-01T15:41:00.001-08:002010-03-01T15:41:22.944-08:00The Ties that Bind… and Break Us<p>I will admit that, when my phone rang early this morning, I had harbored some strange hope that it was Zac calling, asking to meet for an indulgent breakfast in lieu of waiting until our late lunch/early dinner date. But then, reality dawned and I remembered that he didn’t have my phone number.</p> <p>Damn.</p> <p>Looking down at my display, I saw the familiar visage of my wayward husband. I was shocked on two counts: one – I hadn’t heard from him in much too long and two – it wasn’t much past 7 AM. So, he was most likely just staggering home after a long night of well, whatever he’d been up to for the past month.</p> <p>“Hello?” I deadpanned. Can’t let him think that I was too eager to be talking to him. Besides, after the reaming Albie gave me after having ‘caught me in the act’, I proceeded to get extremely wasted last night and fervor was just not in my range of abilities today.</p> <p>“Hey, Cookie. We need to talk.”</p> <p>Ya think? And he was entirely too cheerful for my tastes. “What was your first clue? That we haven’t spoken in um, oh, let’s see… <i>over a fucking month?</i>”</p> <p>He sighed loudly into the phone. I debated hanging up on him but managed to resist. Barely. “You’re overreacting.”</p> <p>Me? <i>Me?</i> Okay. Maybe a little. “Fine then. Explain where the fuck you’ve been.”</p> <p>“We have a problem, Cookie. A serious one.”</p> <p>“We? What have I done to cause any problems?” <i>Aside from accepting a phone number from a strange man?</i></p> <p>“Listen, it was an accident. I didn’t mean to do it, and you know I’d never do anything to hurt you intentionally…”</p> <p>That was about the point where I stopped listening. He’d been out gallivanting with his ex-lover, and I could only imagine what kinds of problems have cropped up during that time. I really didn’t want to, but suddenly very vivid images were flying through my mind.</p> <p>“Ali? You know I love you and that I’d never do anything to hurt you, right?”</p> <p>Oh, he was talking to me again. “But?”</p> <p>He hadn’t been expecting that, I don’t think. I think he was planning on hearing some sort of gushing profession of love and devotion. Sorry, currently all out. “But, well, I didn’t mean to but somehow I did anyway and…”</p> <p>“You didn’t mean to do <i>what </i>exactly, Blake?” I knew what was coming and yet, I was still scared to death. I didn’t want to hear those four words pass through his lips. I really <i>wanted </i>to be overreacting, just for once, let it be my imagination. Let him have a reasonable excuse. Just this one time…</p> <p>Another sigh. “I slept with Leslie.” </p> <p>Obviously, no such luck for me today.</p> <p>“And she thinks she’s pregnant.”</p> <p>Stupid. Mother. Fucker.</p> <p>I hung up.</p> <p>And then I debated calling Zac and cancelling.</p> <p>Next, I cried.</p> <p>And when I stopped? I decided to say, ‘Fuck you, Blake’ and had every intention of going out and having a good time tonight. And my brother be damned.</p> <p>I did, however, call Zac.</p> <p>And told him to be ready.</p> <p>Because I was a free woman.</p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-48329484574800294202010-02-09T08:47:00.001-08:002010-02-09T08:47:19.467-08:00Uh-Boy…<p>Oh. Mah. Gawd.</p> <p>I don’t know if it was all the tequila or if he really was that cute, but I was seated near the. Most. Gorgeous. Man. Ever. at Hanger’s last night. And I swear, he looked right at <i>me </i>and smiled.  Several times.</p> <p>Dreamy.</p> <p>Sometimes, it sucks to be so devoted to a worthless man.</p> <p>Wait, I can’t honestly say that. I don’t know why he hasn’t called, or answered my calls, or returned my e-mails, but until I know that there’s something afoot, I can’t call him worthless.</p> <p>And honestly? I’m probably delusional thinking that such a young, handsome man was smiling at me. I mean, don’t I have MOM written across my forehead? Yeah, what a turn off.</p> <p>Ah, well… it was nice while the delusion lasted.</p> <p>And there are always my dreams. </p> <p>Right?</p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-45419724541325226332010-02-08T10:59:00.001-08:002010-02-08T10:59:57.022-08:00In a Bad Place<p>I had thought that when Blake came home and announced that he had a new tour scheduled, that it would be a good thing.  </p> <p>I was wrong.</p> <p>But I really had no idea just <em>how </em>wrong I was.  </p> <p>Because after he said he was due in New York in three weeks, he announced who his new touring partner was going to be.  <em>For the next eighteen months.</em></p> <p>Leslie Morgan.</p> <p>What?  Why?  What did I do to deserve this?  I mean, really.  I know he needs to work and that he’s been home much too long (ask me how I know), but does he really need to go back to work <em>with his ex-bitch?  </em>Err, I mean his ex-<em>girlfriend</em>?</p> <p>I don’t think so.  </p> <p>But I do however, think I need a drink.</p> <p>He’s been gone for six weeks now.</p> <p>And I haven’t heard from him in four.</p> <p>Neither has my brother nor Billy heard a word from him.  Normally, I wouldn’t worry so much about this, but for some reason, I have a very, very bad feeling.  And it’s only getting worse as time goes by.</p> <p>About that drink… </p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-36670334760081161792009-08-17T19:16:00.001-07:002009-08-17T19:16:11.188-07:00Sexual Astrology<p>While surfing this afternoon I came across an interesting article that you can find <a href="http://www.aolhealth.com/healthy-living/relationships/sexually-compatible-astrology-signs?icid=main|htmlws-main|dl3|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aolhealth.com%2Fhealthy-living%2Frelationships%2Fsexually-compatible-astrology-signs">here</a>.  So, I first looked up myself, because if nothing else, I know my preferences better than anyone else’s. </p> <p><em>Cancer: </em></p> <p><em>Sexual Style: "Cancers don't just fall into bed," says Vega. For the most part, the extremely emotional crab wants a relationship, and once she has you in her claws, she doesn't want to let go. These intense, serious, possessive lovers zero in on one partner with whom to engage in all of their favorite sensual activities. While they may be shy initially, they're tender and deeply affectionate once they feel comfortable. </em></p> <p><em>Sexually Compatible Signs: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn, Scorpio, Pisces</em></p> <p>Huh.  Okay.  Emotional, okay, maybe even extremely so.  I’ll admit to that.  Not wanting to let go?  Okay.  I’ll go for that too.  But <em>possessive</em>?  Really?  Hmmm…</p> <p>So, while I pondered all that, I thought I’d look up my Cowboy’s sign as well, just out of curiosity.</p> <p><em>Gemini: </em></p> <p><em>Sexual Style: This cerebral, verbal sign is stimulated mentally first and physically second. Once you've got him excited, drag him into the bedroom before he gets distracted, since Gemini minds wander easily. Sex is sure to be hot and heavy, and probably pretty chatty. "They like to talk during sex; they like to talk about sex," says Vega. Lounging around makes those born under the sign of the twins nervous, so don't take it personally when your Gemini wants to get out of bed after he climaxes.</em></p> <p><em>Sexually Compatible Signs: Libra, Aquarius, Aries, Leo, Sagittarius</em></p> <p>Well, I am shocked.  They’re wrong from the get-go.  <em>Cerebral?  Mentally stimulated?  My</em> Blake?  WTF?  His mother is lying about his birth date, she has to be.  Okay, verbal I can get behind and easily distracted too, just not when sex is an option.  He’s totally focused at that point.  And <em>what</em> did that say?  Hot and heavy sex?  Ohhh yeaaaaaaaaah, that’s for certain.  Oh, and ::snickers:: <em>chatty </em>sex?  ::snerk::  I swear to the high heavens… that boy just doesn’t ever shut the hell up.  So yeah, I’m all behind chatty.</p> <p>I just think that it’s really odd that our signs aren’t supposedly compatible, but here we are.  In the real world we may have our rough spots, but in the bedroom?  Not a chance.  110% together all the way…</p> <p>So, was that all TMI? </p> <p>Not that I care…</p> <p>~Ali</p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-32435180086364775682009-08-12T20:19:00.001-07:002009-08-12T20:19:14.850-07:00The Truth Behind the Marriage Vows<p>…that no one tells you about.</p> <p>So, being the good wife that I am, I’m sitting here reading <em>Rick and Bubba’s Guide to the Almost Nearly Perfect Marriage </em>by Rick Burgess & Bill “Bubba” Bussey.</p> <p>Anyway, there’s this section on what ‘for better or for worse’ really means.  I was laughing along at most and then I came across one that hit a little too close to home…</p> <p>For Better: He bags a deer that supplies her with enough meat to last all winter.</p> <p>For Worse: He spends $4,328 on equipment and the hunting trip to do it.</p> <p>Rick?  Bubba?  Have you been peeking in my windows?</p> <p>::sigh::</p> <p>But, you boys would be proud of me… I knew what I was getting into when I married him… I think.</p> <p>~Ali</p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-68711296185898256492009-07-03T09:43:00.001-07:002009-07-03T09:43:08.494-07:00You Have (1) New…<p>… is Allyson Matson Naughty or Nice? question to answer.</p> <p>Huh.  </p> <p>Why do you care?</p> <p>I mean, <em>this </em>Allyson Matson is married, thus making it NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.  </p> <p>Not to mention the fact my husband has a gun.  Several, to be truthful.</p> <p>Oh, wait… and so do I…</p> <p>And they said social networking was supposed to be fun… if that’s true, tell me how my fish started up a speed dating service?</p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-56921482622787879582009-01-19T13:15:00.001-08:002009-01-19T13:15:13.606-08:00Pathetic<p>Yeah, and I’m admitting it, this time.</p> <p>You see, I have a tiny problem.  I’m in love with my best friend.  I know, that sucks, right?  Even worse when your best friend is a guy like you are.</p> <p>Not that that’s really the problem, amazingly enough, I’m quite comfortable with being attracted to him.  Now anyway.  In the beginning I thought I was losing my mind.  But once Cookie let me know she was cool with it, I finally figured that I should be too, right?  I mean, your heart don’t lie to you, does it?</p> <p>And that’s where my problem comes from.  He’s in love with his girl, and I can dig that.  But he’s not sure about how things are gonna work now that they’re getting married.  Uh, I think I forgot to mention that.  They’re now engaged and I’m gonna lose him.  </p> <p>I can’t stand it.  </p> <p>I can’t remember when I was so confused.  I mean, I love my wife and she puts up with me, but I can’t just resist him either.  I guess I should be happy that she understands and it doesn’t bug her.  She doesn’t hate me or think there’s something wrong with me either… I can’t be sure, but I think she enables our rendezvous.  Gotta say this about my Cookie, she ain’t your ordinary wife.</p> <p>And I’m thankful.</p> <p>How many other women would go and try and convince their best friend to let her husband sleep with me?  Yeah, I know.  We all need help, but I think that’s why we get along so well.</p> <p>I’m still confused and I think I just heard the doorbell.  Just what I don’t need tonight – my wife’s psychotic, narcissistic parents and her three egotistical asshole brothers (plus spouses, bonus!)…  Damn, Billy, care to sneak out for a quickie later?  I’ma gonna need it.</p> <p>Somebody help me, please?  Ali’s tried and it’s just not helping, babe!</p> <p>~Blake</p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-63817127821483634472009-01-09T10:46:00.001-08:002009-01-09T10:46:02.777-08:00What Am I Going to DO with Him?<p>Observing Blake has always been a favorite pastime of mine.  I love to sit back and watch him when he’s unaware he’s being observed.  Those are the best times.  Like when he’s working on a new song or cleaning his gun…  Anything that comes so naturally to him is a pleasure to watch. <br />However, he’s almost as much fun when he knows he’s being watched, like when he’s on stage performing.  He really knows how to drive the hormonal teenage girls crazy, along with their undersexed middle-aged mothers.  But what am I saying since he knows just how to drive me crazy too (sexually and temperamentally…).  If nothing else, he knows how to play to his strengths.  And play them up as much as possible.  </p> <p>I’m constantly amazed at how much Rory is like him, even at such a young age.  They both have a habit of tilting their heads just slightly when they’re concentrating on something.  Wish I knew if the tapping of the fingers while thinking was something Rory inherited from his father or just something he’s picked up, but either way, it drives me nuts.  Just one more reason to love that little boy even more, I guess.  And to watch that toddler boy pretend to give a concert is just the scariest and most hysterical thing ever.  He is entirely too much his father’s son, I’m thinking.  But, that’s not completely a bad thing.</p> <p>So, with all that in mind, when Blake asked me to accompany him to a photo shoot for his new record label (YAY!  He’ll stop driving me SO nuts), I had to say yes.  I often get the chance to watch him doing something he knows and loves, but rarely do I get to watch him while he’s rather out of his element.  He made me promise because it’s not something that he’s comfortable with and, silly boy, thought I’d be good for a little moral support.</p> <p>Oh, damn.  Was I supposed to be supportive?  I think I forgot…</p> <p>So, when the day came, I managed to arrange someone (i. e. I blackmailed Billy) to watch the little ones so I could go and be supportive for the biggest kid in the family.  Sounds simple enough, right?  Yeah.  Not so much.</p> <p>Blake dressed in his finest hick – new but weathered blue jeans, freshly ironed green flannel, the same old beat up boots and his new hat.  Yeah, he’s been neglecting the hat lately, so he bought a new one and wanted to take it for a test drive.  His words, not mine.  I had no choice but to shake my head and hope that the people taking the pictures had better taste than he did.</p> <p>In that, at least, I got lucky.  When we arrived, he was immediately escorted to wardrobe.  Therein, he was made to don a rather sexy pair of rust-colored denim pants, topped off with a plain white button-up shirt that sported a matching rust-colored spray of ‘ink’ across the front.  He was encouraged to leave the top several buttons undone, not something he was all that trilled about, but I have to say… me likey.  I’m not sure if it was an attempt to add insult to injury or to just heighten his level of discomfort, but they insisted he stay barefoot for the shoot.  Gotta admit, that was a cute touch.  Even with his big-ass gunboat feet.</p> <p>When the stylist approached and attempted to muss his hair, he balked.  And this, I suppose, is why he made me come along.  So, I intervened and ruffled his cute little curls myself, until the stylist was satisfied.  He still wasn’t thrilled, but was much happier to know a strange man wasn’t about to put his fingers into his hair.</p> <p>And all this time, I thought he liked that!</p> <p>But I digress.  </p> <p>I have never been as entertained in all my life as I was watching him treated like a Barbie doll during this photo shoot.  “Mr. Matson, please turn your head.  No, like this.”  And then these conversations were always followed by a deep sigh from the photographer as he leaves the camera to come over and physically adjust Blake’s position himself.  To Blake’s credit, he finally seemed to get it, most likely out of fear, when the photog’s assistant tried to adjust the position of his hips in a certain shot.  I couldn’t help myself; I burst out into laughter with how fast that man of mine moved to get away from the assistant.  </p> <p>But Blake’s a real sport about most things and, by the end of the shoot he was not only joking with the photographer but flirting with his male assistant.  See?  I knew he had it in him.   And to be completely honest, I think that he was having fun soaking up all the attention they lavished on him.  Nah, no conceit in OUR family… not at all… my husband has it all.</p> <p>Oh stop looking at me that way, you so know it’s true.</p> <p>And now, my only complaint is that he’s strutting around like a rooster in a coop full of hens… Yeah, okay, so I know he’s hot, but does he have to believe it so thoroughly himself?  Can’t a girl get a break?  Even better is watching Rory adopt his father’s newly energized strut, tossing his tiny hips around and grinning like a mini-rooster. </p> <p>Sigh.</p> <p>Now, my only question is… how long before Rayna develops MY long-suffering sigh and starts directing it at her brother?  Or, better yet… her father.  Now that will have to be something I get on video…</p> <p>Yeah, I ‘m bad, but you love me for it anyway.  Serves ‘em both right.</p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-54559353556020225962009-01-05T15:19:00.001-08:002009-01-05T15:19:07.338-08:00Damn<p>I guess this makes it official.  </p> <p><em>Mr. Matson, </em></p> <p><em>We are happy to announce you as the newest member of Lazy Buck Records family!  Congratulations… </em></p> <p>Blah, blah, blah.</p> <p>After being so unceremoniously (see Ali, I do know a big word or two) dropped by my last record label last summer (and on my birthday, the bastards), I have finally finagled myself a new home.</p> <p>So, now this means I have to start working again.</p> <p>Damn.</p> <p>Oh well, Cookie will survive without me home all the time (stop dancing, dammit!).  After all, Rory’s three now and Raynie will be a year at the end of the month so…</p> <p>Hold on…</p> <p>How the hell did my BABY get to be a YEAR OLD?  My gods, why didn’t Ali warn me that she was gonna grow up?  Rory, okay, he needs it, but not my little baby girl… NO!</p> <p>Sorry, got sidetracked there.  Nothing that a smack  upside the head can’t fix, right Cookie?</p> <p>Anyway, I’m just happy to finally have a job again.  Was feelin’ awfully guilty having my wife support me and all…  But seriously, all I’ve ever wanted to do is make music and to not be able to do that, well, it’s been hard on me.  Now I can.  And not just in the shower any more.</p> <p>Yay me!</p> <p><~~ Blake (Ali says that’s my devil tail ya’ll)</p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-57262580095282201572009-01-05T14:58:00.001-08:002009-01-05T14:58:28.025-08:00Topless Bull Riding?<p>Really.</p> <p>You’d be amazed by not only #1) the things that Blake has discovered in his time off ‘work’ but also #2) the things he’s able to coerce me into once he’s discovered him.</p> <p>Damn him and his big blue eyes anyway!</p> <p>So, there we were, on New Year’s Eve, hanging out at a local place we frequent (although, not so frequently these days, kids and all) when they announce the evening’s entertainment.  Yeah, you guessed it – Topless Bull Riding.</p> <p>The first was rather good; you could tell she was a professional.  Professional <em>what </em>I’m not going to even contemplate, but she was much better than the second.  Those fake boobs just don’t bounce like the real thing.</p> <p>The second, she was definitely an amateur.  Twelve too many shots o’tequila, I’m thinking.  And damn, we’re all lucky someone didn’t lose an eye by the time she was finished.</p> <p>Next year, I’m thinking we’ll stay home with the kids.  Or, should we decide to venture out, I’m so not letting him pick the activity.</p> <p>~A slack-jawed and wide-eyed Allyson  </p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-47788485627913166202009-01-04T11:49:00.001-08:002009-01-04T11:49:03.394-08:00If You Only Knew the Truth...<p><em>Dear Ali, <br />Here is your horoscope for Sunday, January 4: </em></p> <p><em>You're trying to keep cool about some topic of importance to you, but it may be tough. There's really only so much you can do to keep from blurting out the truth to the wrong people. </em></p> <p>And now you want to know my secret, don't you?  Go on, admit it.  It's okay.  </p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-19047383671899274482008-12-05T09:43:00.001-08:002008-12-05T09:43:06.114-08:00Sigh…<p><img title="funny-pictures-cat-is-ashamed-of-little-kitten-in-blinds" height="162" alt="funny pictures of cats with captions" src="http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/funny-pictures-cat-is-ashamed-of-little-kitten-in-blinds.jpg" width="240" /></p> <p>But it’s sooooooo true, and Blake, you know it!</p> <p>Rory, in an effort to keep Houdini from escaping yet again (won’t get into that or you might just see an offer for  a free hamster), decided to try and ‘ham-proof’ the cage.  </p> <p>What?  He’s only three?  Yeah, I know.  but he is his father’s child.</p> <p>I found rubber bands, paper clips, Kleenex, and a bandana, among other things, strapped, tied, and taped to the cage.  that poor little hamster.   He did his toddler best to jury rig that thing  closed.  </p> <p>Too bad he doesn’t understand that’s not how she’s been getting out.</p> <p>To make matters worse, Blake encourages him.  Constantly.  So, he struts around in his tiny camo pants, mini cowboy boots, and baby flannel, swaggering just like his freaking daddy, and grinning at me.  I’m so gonna be in trouble in about two years, once he starts putting real sentences together.  *sigh*   I’m counting the days until I hear him tell his sister, “Whatever, Cookie, but you OWE me…”</p> <p>Why me?  Why couldn’t he have been *gasp* more like his Mama?  In this case, it’d almost be worth it.  Having Blake is bad enough when he’s on a roll.  But a Mini-Blake too?  Lawd help me.</p> <p>Please?</p> <p>But, on the other hand, he DOES have his daddy’s wild curls, his blue blue eyes, and that damn intoxicating smile.  *sigh*  I just can’t win, can I?</p> <p>~Ali, helpless and resigned </p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-57878607015625041102008-12-02T11:09:00.001-08:002008-12-02T11:09:36.942-08:00When Shopping Carts Attack<p>Or, how I got arrested in Toys ‘R’ Us</p> <p>I swear, no matter how hard I try to be good, the gods are working against me.</p> <p>Case in point: I manage to get a few minutes away from the children (thank you Grandma Rogan) and make it a point to get some early shopping done. So, I head out to Toys R Us and battle the maniacs. I’m standing in an aisle, looking over some stuffed animals (sorry honey, but they ARE still kids) when my cart slams into my side.</p> <p>I look up, apology on my lips, thinking I hadn’t pulled my cart in beside me and was blocking the aisle. I HATE when people do that, so if I got slammed for blocking the aisle, okay. But when I look up, I meet the blue eyes of my arch nemesis, a.k.a. The Ex. Yeah, Leslie. In MY Toys R Us. Why the hell couldn’t she have stayed in Tennessee? I mean really, no reason for her to be here after all. She’s the one who foisted her child off on his daddy and never looked back. What the hell kind of trouble could she be stirring up now?</p> <p>All I know is that I’m not putting up with this crap.</p> <p>“Oooops,” she falsely apologizes, batting her fake eyelashes at me in a parody of remorse.</p> <p>“Whatever, Leslie, now go away.” I turned my back and reached for a large stuffed moose before I smacked the crap out of her anyway. Forgive and forget, I always had to remind myself. Besides, not only did I have her man, I had her son too. When I was slammed in the hip a second time by my errant cart, I lost it. “What the fuck are you doing?” I bellowed, much to the astonished horror of a mother or two on the adjacent aisle. </p> <p>She batted her plastic eyelashes at me again. “Don’t look at me, the cart did it.”</p> <p>“Yeah,” I muttered, “all on its little lonesome too, I’m sure.”</p> <p>Leslie grinned at me in a saccharine sweet sort of way and nudged her cart against my leg one more time. I dropped the moose into my cart and reached for the closest item. A life-sized stuffed baseball bat and swung, smacking her in the head. Being almost a foot taller than she, and a hell of a lot stronger, she flew backwards and landed on her little round ass, fuming. “You’ll get it for that,” she spat.</p> <p>“Whatever,” I replied, pushing my cart off the animal aisle and went in search of a video game for my brother, the eternal child.</p> <p>Security apprehended me on the Lego aisle and now Blake’s refusing to bail me out. Oh well, Shana said she’d be right over, I heard her in the background. She at least gets it, even if I won’t be getting <i>any </i>until my Cowboy calms down. But I’ve gotta admit… it was SO worth it. </p> <p>And hey, don’t look at me, the stuffed bat did it all.</p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-35010384020413444722008-11-17T17:21:00.001-08:002008-11-17T17:21:11.881-08:00Turmoil<p>Inside.</p> <p>Outside.</p> <p>It surrounds me these days. Home, work, it doesn’t matter, I can’t get a break.</p> <p>At the office, I have an irritable general and a still-jilted ex-boyfriend (although it’s been close to six years since we separated) to deal with, along with the ordinary, everyday trials of not just working in an office, but on a military base full of MEN every day. </p> <p>At home, I have to divide my time between my rambunctious toddler, so close to being two (if he makes it that long, that is) and my sweet but demanding infant daughter so close to walking (which is why the toddler may not live much longer). Add into that the laundry, the ritual cleaning, the cooking, the animals (now numbering three), and my husband… who may not make it much longer either.</p> <p>Outside, it’s raining and cold, which puts the kids on edge and Blake over the edge. He wants to be out in the forest, chasing defenseless little bunnies… the kids just want to get drenched and play in the mud. Can’t say I blame the kids, I’d like to go outside and play in the mud too, I think.</p> <p>Inside, it’s much harder. Inside, I’m a mess. With Blake essentially ‘losing’ his job and then being reunited with my long-lost daughter, I don’t know which way to turn. Having Blake home 24/7 is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it means the kids don’t have to go to daycare, but a curse because well, he’s <i>home </i>all the time. I love the man dearly, but Lord does he know how to push my buttons. Add on top of all that the misery of how I’m feeling – tired, achy, cranky, nauseous, irritable – I think you get the idea. Yeah<i>, that</i>. Not good, is it? Yet another downside to having <i>him </i>home all the time. He’s friskier than any man I’ve ever known and heavens to Mergatriod, I’ve known some frisky ones in my time.</p> <p>So, there you have it. Drenched in indecision, swamped in turmoil, and as I look out at my boy chasing my daughter, my daughter chasing Houdini the Hamster, and my husband watching it all with that endearing grin of his, I come to a realization.</p> <p>I really wouldn’t have it any other way. Not today, not tomorrow, and certainly not yesterday.</p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-66861554098475009972008-10-22T19:58:00.001-07:002008-10-22T19:58:12.339-07:0050 Odd Things<p>Damn that Crazy Lady anyway...</p> <p>1. Do you like blue cheese?  Only to dip my hot wings in!</p> <p>2. Have you ever smoked heroin?    No. Why do you ask?  *looks around for any lurking commanding officers*</p> <p>3. Do you own a gun? Lots.  Wanna see?</p> <p>4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?  Does tequila count?</p> <p>5. Do you get nervous before doctor's appointments? Has Blake been home lately?</p> <p>6. What do you think of hot dogs?  Mmm... love 'em grilled... and just a little burnt.</p> <p>7. Favorite Christmas Song.   Deck the Tanks...</p> <p>8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Tequila (see CL, we ARE a lot a like)</p> <p>9. Can you do push ups?   Yes ma'am.</p> <p>10. Do you believe in God, Jesus and the holy spirit?    Usually.</p> <p>11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry you wear?  Dogtags, second only to my wedding band</p> <p>12. Favorite hobby?  See, that other woman made you wonder.  Me?  Me, I'll tell you straight out that it's <strong>CENSORED</strong>.</p> <p>13. Do you work with people who idolize you?   Absolutely!  And if they know what's good for them, they better KEEP on idolizing me!</p> <p>14. Do you have A.D.D.?   *snort*  Stupid question.</p> <p>15. What's one trait that you hate about yourself?  You mean I have undesirable traits?</p> <p>16. Middle name?  Rachael.</p> <p>17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.  Where's Blake?  I have the Crazy Lady's Reese's Pieces.  And I really hate her for this. </p> <p>18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday. Ammo. Coffee.  Tequila.</p> <p>19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink. Coffee, coffee, and tequila..</p> <p>20. Current worry right now?   Is that Rory's hamster comes out of hiding soon.  He's been A.W.O.L. for about two days...</p> <p>21. Current hate right now? That freaking little hamster!!!!</p> <p>22. Favorite place to be?  Tucked in with my Cowboy.</p> <p>23. How did you bring in the New Year? *snickers lewdly*  Do you REALLY want to know?  I've got pictures...</p> <p>24. Where would you like to go?  To sleep.</p> <p>25. Name three people who will complete this.  You've got me there.</p> <p>26.  Whose answer do you want to read the most?  I'd really be interested to see what Blake has to say...</p> <p>27. What color shirt are you wearing?   Camo.  Duh.</p> <p>28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?   Why?  Is Blake home?</p> <p>29. Can you whistle? Yes</p> <p>30. Favorite color(s)? Green.  Grey.  Camo.</p> <p>31. Would you be a pirate?    Maybe, if the pay was right.</p> <p>32. What songs do you sing in the shower?  Anything that might annoy Blake.  </p> <p>33. Favorite girl's name?  Rayna</p> <p>34. Favorite boy's name?  Rory</p> <p>35. What's in your pocket right now?   There are those handcuffs!</p> <p>36. Last thing that made you laugh?  Raynie baby eating her dinner.</p> <p>37. Best bed sheets as a child?  Ummm... camo?</p> <p>38. Worst injury you've ever had?  You don't want to know.  Seriously.  It was gruesome.  </p> <p>39. Do you love where you live?  Absolutely.</p> <p>40. How many TVs do you have in your house?   1</p> <p>41. Who is your loudest friend?   Shana</p> <p>42. How many dogs do you have?  None but the strays I feed.</p> <p>43. Does someone have a crush on you?  Wouldn't doubt it.</p> <p>44. What is your favorite food?   Tequila... err... nachos.</p> <p>45. What is your favorite snack food?  Tortilla chips and salsa.</p> <p>46. What is your favorite candy?   Tootsie Pops</p> <p>47. What is your favorite sports team?  Army football!!</p> <p>48. What song do you want played at your funeral?  If You're Reading This by Tim McGraw</p> <p>49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?  *grins mischievously* </p> <p>50. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?   Damn, I can't bend that way any more...</p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-4171740520381958072008-10-19T10:38:00.001-07:002008-10-19T10:39:26.677-07:00I Love This...<p>I just KNEW there was someone out there who understood.  I just KNEW it.  Ali thinks I'm deeply deluded though.</p> <p><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/lady.jaye.code.red/SPtwrpYQPSI/AAAAAAAAAEE/wD646VZAYPg/s1600-h/crbc081019%5B3%5D.gif"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="484" alt="crbc081019" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/lady.jaye.code.red/SPtwsY4od9I/AAAAAAAAAEI/7SDCqwZQLwU/crbc081019_thumb%5B1%5D.gif?imgmax=800" width="360" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>Oh gods... she's looking at me with that LOOK again.  *sigh*  I think I'm about to get banned from the computer again...</p> <p>~Blake, on the run...</p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-22761115665674126132008-10-18T09:39:00.001-07:002008-10-18T09:39:45.219-07:00Code Red<p>Oh my gods... do you see what Shana just sent me?  And just who are they kidding when they say two servings?</p> <h4>Code Red</h4> <dl><dt>Prep Time: 5 min </dt><dt>Level: Easy </dt><dt>Serves: 2 servings </dt></dl> <p><img height="120" src="http://img.foodnetwork.com/FOOD/2007/09/17/GI0304_Code_Red_med.jpg" width="160" /></p> <p>4 ounces vodka <br />3 ounces peach schnapps <br />3 ounces amaretto <br />Splash cranberry juice <br />Splash orange juice <br />Orange slices, for garnish <br />Cherries, for garnish</p> <p>Fill a big bowl with ice. Add all ingredients, garnish with oranges and cherries. Add straws and drink up.</p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-53968064061317806162008-10-17T10:14:00.001-07:002008-10-17T10:14:51.557-07:00Song #5<p>Once I’d tortured Shana with the fact that Billy had sent me HER CD as well as mine… I started to listen to what he had to offer this go round.</p> <p>A couple of the songs were obviously inspired by her and their relationship which is just the coolest thing ever.  Lines about sapphire eyes or flame-colored hair, and I immediately knew they were about her.  How could you not?</p> <p>But then, here comes song #5, an up-tempo, fun song.  It’s about relationships gone wrong and crazy women.  I was laughing… and then… the line about psycho brunettes with guns… and then I REALLY started to laugh.</p> <p>Billy lurves me after all!</p> <p>~Ali</p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-84031712485129469712008-10-15T17:30:00.001-07:002008-10-15T17:30:25.811-07:00So, Anyway...<p>This redheaded friend of mine calls me.  She's stuck with her new baby and can't get out.  I get these calls a lot these days.</p> <p>Me: Hello?</p> <p>Shana: Hey.  What are you doing?</p> <p>Me: Um... working last time I checked.</p> <p>Shana: Oh.  </p> <p>Me (taking a deep breath): Guess what I got in the mail yesterday?</p> <p>Shana: I give up.</p> <p>Me: Your man's new CD.  He sent me an early copy.</p> <p>Shana (shocked): Where's mine?</p> <p>Me (shrugging into the phone): Dunno.  Sure he mailed them on the same day.  (laughing) I'm listening to Billllly... I'm listening...</p> <p>Shana (getting angry): ENOUGH already.  You don't need to rub it in.  Need I remind you that it's totally unfair to tease me about Billy?</p> <p>Me (at wit's end): Okay then, would you prefer that I remind you that my husband is sleeping with your boyfriend then?</p> <p>Shana (awfully quiet for a minute): No, no I think teasing me about the CD will be fine.  Think I need to go to the mailbox.  Talk to you later.</p> <p>She hangs up.  I burst into laughter.  Billy had accidentally mailed them <em>both </em>to me.  So, I have her copy and am now holding it hostage.  <insert evil laughter here></p> <p>Gods, but she knows she loves me (don't you?  And I can see you out there, reading this, steaming up the monitor with your breath)...</p> <p>~Ali, aka Trouble on the Half Shell </p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-64677785808338762362008-10-07T13:16:00.001-07:002008-10-07T13:16:53.838-07:00If I Had a Cat…<p>Blake tells me he would look like this:</p> <p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/lady.jaye.code.red/SOvDsaoOB9I/AAAAAAAAAD8/0T1A1IeIUxo/s1600-h/funny-pictures-nobody-knows-the-troubles-kitten-has-seen%5B4%5D.jpg"><img title="funny-pictures-nobody-knows-the-troubles-kitten-has-seen" style="border-top-width: 0px; display: inline; border-left-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px" height="244" alt="funny-pictures-nobody-knows-the-troubles-kitten-has-seen" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/lady.jaye.code.red/SOvDs-GWWuI/AAAAAAAAAEA/pwh-er0X7Ac/funny-pictures-nobody-knows-the-troubles-kitten-has-seen_thumb%5B2%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="231" border="0" /></a> </p> <p>I just reminded him that <em>this </em>is why nobody likes him…</p> <p>I refrained from reminding him that HE was the reason I did jail time the last time I did.  Arentcha proud of me?</p> <p>~Ali and her jailbird kitty</p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-82232845092271405252008-09-22T20:12:00.001-07:002008-09-22T20:12:53.579-07:00I'm Retiring<p>That's it.  I'm freaking DONE.</p> <p>Let me 'splain.  No, there is too much, let me sum up.</p> <p>Stuffing: burnt.</p> <p>Chicken: stuck to pan.</p> <p>Stuffing: drowned by too much stock <em>after </em>it was burnt.</p> <p>Gravy: refused to thicken.</p> <p>Blake: Grouchy.</p> <p>Rory: Hell on wheels.</p> <p>Rayna: Sitting, babbling to herself.</p> <p>Jabber Jaw, the Fat Hamster: MIA.</p> <p>Me: thankful I stood firm on not letting that stray kitty into the house...</p> <p>~Ali</p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-27663095937624803622008-09-09T08:26:00.001-07:002008-09-09T08:31:40.193-07:00Hee Hee Hee...<p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/lady.jaye.code.red/SMaWwvoKZFI/AAAAAAAAAD0/m2i5XxONssU/s1600-h/funny-pictures-marine-bunny%5B4%5D.jpg"><img style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="163" alt="funny-pictures-marine-bunny" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/lady.jaye.code.red/SMaWxNM3ajI/AAAAAAAAAD4/V6qr66eH8qU/funny-pictures-marine-bunny_thumb%5B2%5D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a></p> <p>Now, <em>that's </em>what it's all about.</p> <p>~Ali </p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-81143377854386620692008-09-07T10:58:00.001-07:002008-09-07T10:58:38.875-07:00Suspicious Activity Alert...<p>For the last several weeks, that cowboy of mine has been skulking around the house in a funk.  He's angry, he's depressed, and he's lost.  And my heart bleeds for the boy but he's been driving me nuts.</p> <p>Today, however, he's much more chipper and it scares me.  The last time something like this happened, he'd joined forces with an um, old friend of mine and located my daughter that I'd been forced to give up when I was 22.  So, now he has me paranoid.  I haven't any other skeletons in my closet so I know he can't be planning anything like that but...</p> <p>Will keep you informed.  And that reminds me, I don't think I've ever mentioned my reunion with Rhi.  *thinks*  Yeah, might have to give you some intel on that one later.</p> <p>~Ali and her Oddly Acting Husband</p> Alihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5126394993557001633.post-18663118488202615132008-08-22T12:01:00.001-07:002008-08-22T12:01:45.784-07:00Day Four and Beyond…Despite the bitching, the bickering, and the pointing of fingers, most of our stay was uneventful, if a bit stressful. I tried not to let on because Blake would insist on doing what he thought was the right thing, and I just knew that that would cause so many more problems. I figured that I was a big girl and could deal with it for his sake. And Rayna’s not old enough for it to affect her. Much.<br /><br />Things wouldn’t stay that way, however.<br /><br />So anyway, I can’t even begin to tell you how hard this trip home has been on us as a family. We’d only been ‘home’ for a few days when Blake got some bad news. Well, sorta. It was one of those kinds of bad news that really can be good news if you look at it in the right perspective. I got it right away. Blake tried and eventually gave in. His family? Not so much.<br /><br />And yup, you guessed her Chester – it’s all my fault.<br /><br />Probably doesn’t help that it arrived on his birthday. While he was at home. Surrounded by his family. And I was playing odd man out and losing.<br /><br />Sigh.<br /><br />We were in bed (yeah, I know) when his phone rang. We’d had a late night the night before for several reasons and what you’re thinking now is only part of it (albeit the best part). So, we were snuggled and snoozing off and on, taking advantage of the kids actually sleeping in a bit. Unfortunately, we’d been expecting a all from Billy (that’s not the unfortunate part, the next bit is) so he didn’t even look at the display before he answered his phone.<br /><br />I watched him answer his phone, happily expecting Billy or Shana, calling to give us an update on the baby that was so close to arriving. Instead, I watched as his bright smile faded and his eyes clouded over. Not good. Blake almost never lets his feelings show like this. Not even when it’s just ‘us’. <br /><br />He mumbled something into the phone, snapped it shut and threw it across the bedroom, putting a hole in the wall near the dresser. This concerned me more than anything; he is a lot of things but violent is not one of them. Ever.<br /><br />Turns out, he had right. The president of his label, and I’ll be classy enough not to tell you that it’s JASON MACKENNAH, calls my husband not just on his birthday but on his vacation to tell him they’ve decided the effort is not worth the reward. Translation: Blake no longer has a job. Yeah, you got it, they booted him off the label and bought out his contract simply because he wanted to be around when his daughter was born, and to spend a little time with his family. Outrageous. Pisses me off. I mean, really – others have taken much, much more time off for sillier reasons and never suffered any sort of backlash for it. Maybe its just Blake, chastising him because he’s not the next Tim McGraw or Kenny Chesney when instead, he’s just a guy with a good voice and a whole lot of passion and no more ambition than to go out and do what he does best. <br /><br />Those are always my favorite kinds of singers anyway. They have nothing to prove and all they want to do (oh oh oh oh oooooh..)is to go out and entertain. Makes sense to me.<br /><br />But apparently not to Blake’s record label.<br />Poor guy is heartbroken. And yeah, like I said earlier, his family is blaming me for all that’s happened. If I hadn’t INSISTED he take so much time off and DEMANDED so much of his time, maybe, just maybe he’s still have a job.<br /><br />Double sigh. <br /><br />I won’t get into the battles that ensued between his mother, his father, his sister, his stepmother and I that afternoon either. I’m ashamed that I couldn’t control myself on Blake’s birthday, especially after such bad news, but neither could I let them all place the blame on my shoulders. <br /><br />I don’t know what to do for him. He’s helped me out when I’ve needed it the most, but right now, I’m just stuck. I’ve partially convinced him that this is a good thing – more time at home, more time to concentrate on his song writing (which suffers when he’s on the road so much), but yet, he feels bad. Feels like he should be the one supporting the family and making the money. I think someone forgot to tell him that he has enough stashed that it’ll be okay if he takes a few weeks off.<br /><br />Ugh. If only Billy wasn’t so busy enjoying his new son. I know he’d know how to help me. Might have to kidnap Daddy later…<br /><br />Pray for me? I think I need it these days.<br /><br />~A sad and worried CookieAlihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16984336802606629240noreply@blogger.com1