Code Red

Um, Ooops?

2010-03-01T15:48:00.001-08:00

Well, I’ll tell you that I honestly had no idea what I was thinking. But, in the end? It all worked out.

Mighty mighty fine.

Even if Adam swears he hates us both.

The Ties that Bind… and Break Us

2010-03-01T15:41:00.001-08:00

I will admit that, when my phone rang early this morning, I had harbored some strange hope that it was Zac calling, asking to meet for an indulgent breakfast in lieu of waiting until our late lunch/early dinner date. But then, reality dawned and I remembered that he didn’t have my phone number.

Damn.

Looking down at my display, I saw the familiar visage of my wayward husband. I was shocked on two counts: one – I hadn’t heard from him in much too long and two – it wasn’t much past 7 AM. So, he was most likely just staggering home after a long night of well, whatever he’d been up to for the past month.

“Hello?” I deadpanned. Can’t let him think that I was too eager to be talking to him. Besides, after the reaming Albie gave me after having ‘caught me in the act’, I proceeded to get extremely wasted last night and fervor was just not in my range of abilities today.

“Hey, Cookie. We need to talk.”

Ya think? And he was entirely too cheerful for my tastes. “What was your first clue? That we haven’t spoken in um, oh, let’s see… over a fucking month?”

He sighed loudly into the phone. I debated hanging up on him but managed to resist. Barely. “You’re overreacting.”

Me? Me? Okay. Maybe a little. “Fine then. Explain where the fuck you’ve been.”

“We have a problem, Cookie. A serious one.”

“We? What have I done to cause any problems?” Aside from accepting a phone number from a strange man?

“Listen, it was an accident. I didn’t mean to do it, and you know I’d never do anything to hurt you intentionally…”

That was about the point where I stopped listening. He’d been out gallivanting with his ex-lover, and I could only imagine what kinds of problems have cropped up during that time. I really didn’t want to, but suddenly very vivid images were flying through my mind.

“Ali? You know I love you and that I’d never do anything to hurt you, right?”

Oh, he was talking to me again. “But?”

He hadn’t been expecting that, I don’t think. I think he was planning on hearing some sort of gushing profession of love and devotion. Sorry, currently all out. “But, well, I didn’t mean to but somehow I did anyway and…”

“You didn’t mean to do what exactly, Blake?” I knew what was coming and yet, I was still scared to death. I didn’t want to hear those four words pass through his lips. I really wanted to be overreacting, just for once, let it be my imagination. Let him have a reasonable excuse. Just this one time…

Another sigh. “I slept with Leslie.”

Obviously, no such luck for me today.

“And she thinks she’s pregnant.”

Stupid. Mother. Fucker.

I hung up.

And then I debated calling Zac and cancelling.

Next, I cried.

And when I stopped? I decided to say, ‘Fuck you, Blake’ and had every intention of going out and having a good time tonight. And my brother be damned.

I did, however, call Zac.

And told him to be ready.

Because I was a free woman.

Uh-Boy…

2010-02-09T08:47:00.001-08:00

Oh. Mah. Gawd.

I don’t know if it was all the tequila or if he really was that cute, but I was seated near the. Most. Gorgeous. Man. Ever. at Hanger’s last night. And I swear, he looked right at me and smiled. Several times.

Dreamy.

Sometimes, it sucks to be so devoted to a worthless man.

Wait, I can’t honestly say that. I don’t know why he hasn’t called, or answered my calls, or returned my e-mails, but until I know that there’s something afoot, I can’t call him worthless.

And honestly? I’m probably delusional thinking that such a young, handsome man was smiling at me. I mean, don’t I have MOM written across my forehead? Yeah, what a turn off.

Ah, well… it was nice while the delusion lasted.

And there are always my dreams.

Right?

In a Bad Place

2010-02-08T10:59:00.001-08:00

I had thought that when Blake came home and announced that he had a new tour scheduled, that it would be a good thing.

I was wrong.

But I really had no idea just how wrong I was.

Because after he said he was due in New York in three weeks, he announced who his new touring partner was going to be. For the next eighteen months.

Leslie Morgan.

What? Why? What did I do to deserve this? I mean, really. I know he needs to work and that he’s been home much too long (ask me how I know), but does he really need to go back to work with his ex-bitch? Err, I mean his ex-girlfriend?

I don’t think so.

But I do however, think I need a drink.

He’s been gone for six weeks now.

And I haven’t heard from him in four.

Neither has my brother nor Billy heard a word from him. Normally, I wouldn’t worry so much about this, but for some reason, I have a very, very bad feeling. And it’s only getting worse as time goes by.

About that drink…

Sexual Astrology

2009-08-17T19:16:00.001-07:00

While surfing this afternoon I came across an interesting article that you can find here. So, I first looked up myself, because if nothing else, I know my preferences better than anyone else’s.

Cancer:

Sexual Style: "Cancers don't just fall into bed," says Vega. For the most part, the extremely emotional crab wants a relationship, and once she has you in her claws, she doesn't want to let go. These intense, serious, possessive lovers zero in on one partner with whom to engage in all of their favorite sensual activities. While they may be shy initially, they're tender and deeply affectionate once they feel comfortable.

Sexually Compatible Signs: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn, Scorpio, Pisces

Huh. Okay. Emotional, okay, maybe even extremely so. I’ll admit to that. Not wanting to let go? Okay. I’ll go for that too. But possessive? Really? Hmmm…

So, while I pondered all that, I thought I’d look up my Cowboy’s sign as well, just out of curiosity.

Gemini:

Sexual Style: This cerebral, verbal sign is stimulated mentally first and physically second. Once you've got him excited, drag him into the bedroom before he gets distracted, since Gemini minds wander easily. Sex is sure to be hot and heavy, and probably pretty chatty. "They like to talk during sex; they like to talk about sex," says Vega. Lounging around makes those born under the sign of the twins nervous, so don't take it personally when your Gemini wants to get out of bed after he climaxes.

Sexually Compatible Signs: Libra, Aquarius, Aries, Leo, Sagittarius

Well, I am shocked. They’re wrong from the get-go. Cerebral? Mentally stimulated? My Blake? WTF? His mother is lying about his birth date, she has to be. Okay, verbal I can get behind and easily distracted too, just not when sex is an option. He’s totally focused at that point. And what did that say? Hot and heavy sex? Ohhh yeaaaaaaaaah, that’s for certain. Oh, and ::snickers:: chatty sex? ::snerk:: I swear to the high heavens… that boy just doesn’t ever shut the hell up. So yeah, I’m all behind chatty.

I just think that it’s really odd that our signs aren’t supposedly compatible, but here we are. In the real world we may have our rough spots, but in the bedroom? Not a chance. 110% together all the way…

So, was that all TMI?

Not that I care…

~Ali

The Truth Behind the Marriage Vows

2009-08-12T20:19:00.001-07:00

…that no one tells you about.

So, being the good wife that I am, I’m sitting here reading Rick and Bubba’s Guide to the Almost Nearly Perfect Marriage by Rick Burgess & Bill “Bubba” Bussey.

Anyway, there’s this section on what ‘for better or for worse’ really means. I was laughing along at most and then I came across one that hit a little too close to home…

For Better: He bags a deer that supplies her with enough meat to last all winter.

For Worse: He spends $4,328 on equipment and the hunting trip to do it.

Rick? Bubba? Have you been peeking in my windows?

::sigh::

But, you boys would be proud of me… I knew what I was getting into when I married him… I think.

~Ali

You Have (1) New…

2009-07-03T09:43:00.001-07:00

… is Allyson Matson Naughty or Nice? question to answer.

Huh.

Why do you care?

I mean, this Allyson Matson is married, thus making it NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Not to mention the fact my husband has a gun. Several, to be truthful.

Oh, wait… and so do I…

And they said social networking was supposed to be fun… if that’s true, tell me how my fish started up a speed dating service?

Pathetic

2009-01-19T13:15:00.001-08:00

Yeah, and I’m admitting it, this time.

You see, I have a tiny problem. I’m in love with my best friend. I know, that sucks, right? Even worse when your best friend is a guy like you are.

Not that that’s really the problem, amazingly enough, I’m quite comfortable with being attracted to him. Now anyway. In the beginning I thought I was losing my mind. But once Cookie let me know she was cool with it, I finally figured that I should be too, right? I mean, your heart don’t lie to you, does it?

And that’s where my problem comes from. He’s in love with his girl, and I can dig that. But he’s not sure about how things are gonna work now that they’re getting married. Uh, I think I forgot to mention that. They’re now engaged and I’m gonna lose him.

I can’t stand it.

I can’t remember when I was so confused. I mean, I love my wife and she puts up with me, but I can’t just resist him either. I guess I should be happy that she understands and it doesn’t bug her. She doesn’t hate me or think there’s something wrong with me either… I can’t be sure, but I think she enables our rendezvous. Gotta say this about my Cookie, she ain’t your ordinary wife.

And I’m thankful.

How many other women would go and try and convince their best friend to let her husband sleep with me? Yeah, I know. We all need help, but I think that’s why we get along so well.

I’m still confused and I think I just heard the doorbell. Just what I don’t need tonight – my wife’s psychotic, narcissistic parents and her three egotistical asshole brothers (plus spouses, bonus!)… Damn, Billy, care to sneak out for a quickie later? I’ma gonna need it.

Somebody help me, please? Ali’s tried and it’s just not helping, babe!

~Blake

What Am I Going to DO with Him?

2009-01-09T10:46:00.001-08:00

Observing Blake has always been a favorite pastime of mine. I love to sit back and watch him when he’s unaware he’s being observed. Those are the best times. Like when he’s working on a new song or cleaning his gun… Anything that comes so naturally to him is a pleasure to watch.
However, he’s almost as much fun when he knows he’s being watched, like when he’s on stage performing. He really knows how to drive the hormonal teenage girls crazy, along with their undersexed middle-aged mothers. But what am I saying since he knows just how to drive me crazy too (sexually and temperamentally…). If nothing else, he knows how to play to his strengths. And play them up as much as possible.

I’m constantly amazed at how much Rory is like him, even at such a young age. They both have a habit of tilting their heads just slightly when they’re concentrating on something. Wish I knew if the tapping of the fingers while thinking was something Rory inherited from his father or just something he’s picked up, but either way, it drives me nuts. Just one more reason to love that little boy even more, I guess. And to watch that toddler boy pretend to give a concert is just the scariest and most hysterical thing ever. He is entirely too much his father’s son, I’m thinking. But, that’s not completely a bad thing.

So, with all that in mind, when Blake asked me to accompany him to a photo shoot for his new record label (YAY! He’ll stop driving me SO nuts), I had to say yes. I often get the chance to watch him doing something he knows and loves, but rarely do I get to watch him while he’s rather out of his element. He made me promise because it’s not something that he’s comfortable with and, silly boy, thought I’d be good for a little moral support.

Oh, damn. Was I supposed to be supportive? I think I forgot…

So, when the day came, I managed to arrange someone (i. e. I blackmailed Billy) to watch the little ones so I could go and be supportive for the biggest kid in the family. Sounds simple enough, right? Yeah. Not so much.

Blake dressed in his finest hick – new but weathered blue jeans, freshly ironed green flannel, the same old beat up boots and his new hat. Yeah, he’s been neglecting the hat lately, so he bought a new one and wanted to take it for a test drive. His words, not mine. I had no choice but to shake my head and hope that the people taking the pictures had better taste than he did.

In that, at least, I got lucky. When we arrived, he was immediately escorted to wardrobe. Therein, he was made to don a rather sexy pair of rust-colored denim pants, topped off with a plain white button-up shirt that sported a matching rust-colored spray of ‘ink’ across the front. He was encouraged to leave the top several buttons undone, not something he was all that trilled about, but I have to say… me likey. I’m not sure if it was an attempt to add insult to injury or to just heighten his level of discomfort, but they insisted he stay barefoot for the shoot. Gotta admit, that was a cute touch. Even with his big-ass gunboat feet.

When the stylist approached and attempted to muss his hair, he balked. And this, I suppose, is why he made me come along. So, I intervened and ruffled his cute little curls myself, until the stylist was satisfied. He still wasn’t thrilled, but was much happier to know a strange man wasn’t about to put his fingers into his hair.

And all this time, I thought he liked that!

But I digress.

I have never been as entertained in all my life as I was watching him treated like a Barbie doll during this photo shoot. “Mr. Matson, please turn your head. No, like this.” And then these conversations were always followed by a deep sigh from the photographer as he leaves the camera to come over and physically adjust Blake’s position himself. To Blake’s credit, he finally seemed to get it, most likely out of fear, when the photog’s assistant tried to adjust the position of his hips in a certain shot. I couldn’t help myself; I burst out into laughter with how fast that man of mine moved to get away from the assistant.

But Blake’s a real sport about most things and, by the end of the shoot he was not only joking with the photographer but flirting with his male assistant. See? I knew he had it in him. And to be completely honest, I think that he was having fun soaking up all the attention they lavished on him. Nah, no conceit in OUR family… not at all… my husband has it all.

Oh stop looking at me that way, you so know it’s true.

And now, my only complaint is that he’s strutting around like a rooster in a coop full of hens… Yeah, okay, so I know he’s hot, but does he have to believe it so thoroughly himself? Can’t a girl get a break? Even better is watching Rory adopt his father’s newly energized strut, tossing his tiny hips around and grinning like a mini-rooster.

Sigh.

Now, my only question is… how long before Rayna develops MY long-suffering sigh and starts directing it at her brother? Or, better yet… her father. Now that will have to be something I get on video…

Yeah, I ‘m bad, but you love me for it anyway. Serves ‘em both right.

Damn

2009-01-05T15:19:00.001-08:00

I guess this makes it official.

Mr. Matson,

We are happy to announce you as the newest member of Lazy Buck Records family! Congratulations…

Blah, blah, blah.

After being so unceremoniously (see Ali, I do know a big word or two) dropped by my last record label last summer (and on my birthday, the bastards), I have finally finagled myself a new home.

So, now this means I have to start working again.

Damn.

Oh well, Cookie will survive without me home all the time (stop dancing, dammit!). After all, Rory’s three now and Raynie will be a year at the end of the month so…

Hold on…

How the hell did my BABY get to be a YEAR OLD? My gods, why didn’t Ali warn me that she was gonna grow up? Rory, okay, he needs it, but not my little baby girl… NO!

Sorry, got sidetracked there. Nothing that a smack upside the head can’t fix, right Cookie?

Anyway, I’m just happy to finally have a job again. Was feelin’ awfully guilty having my wife support me and all… But seriously, all I’ve ever wanted to do is make music and to not be able to do that, well, it’s been hard on me. Now I can. And not just in the shower any more.

Yay me!

<~~ Blake (Ali says that’s my devil tail ya’ll)

Topless Bull Riding?

2009-01-05T14:58:00.001-08:00

Really.

You’d be amazed by not only #1) the things that Blake has discovered in his time off ‘work’ but also #2) the things he’s able to coerce me into once he’s discovered him.

Damn him and his big blue eyes anyway!

So, there we were, on New Year’s Eve, hanging out at a local place we frequent (although, not so frequently these days, kids and all) when they announce the evening’s entertainment. Yeah, you guessed it – Topless Bull Riding.

The first was rather good; you could tell she was a professional. Professional what I’m not going to even contemplate, but she was much better than the second. Those fake boobs just don’t bounce like the real thing.

The second, she was definitely an amateur. Twelve too many shots o’tequila, I’m thinking. And damn, we’re all lucky someone didn’t lose an eye by the time she was finished.

Next year, I’m thinking we’ll stay home with the kids. Or, should we decide to venture out, I’m so not letting him pick the activity.

~A slack-jawed and wide-eyed Allyson

If You Only Knew the Truth...

2009-01-04T11:49:00.001-08:00

Dear Ali,
Here is your horoscope for Sunday, January 4:

You're trying to keep cool about some topic of importance to you, but it may be tough. There's really only so much you can do to keep from blurting out the truth to the wrong people.

And now you want to know my secret, don't you? Go on, admit it. It's okay.

Sigh…

2008-12-05T09:43:00.001-08:00

But it’s sooooooo true, and Blake, you know it!

Rory, in an effort to keep Houdini from escaping yet again (won’t get into that or you might just see an offer for a free hamster), decided to try and ‘ham-proof’ the cage.

What? He’s only three? Yeah, I know. but he is his father’s child.

I found rubber bands, paper clips, Kleenex, and a bandana, among other things, strapped, tied, and taped to the cage. that poor little hamster. He did his toddler best to jury rig that thing closed.

Too bad he doesn’t understand that’s not how she’s been getting out.

To make matters worse, Blake encourages him. Constantly. So, he struts around in his tiny camo pants, mini cowboy boots, and baby flannel, swaggering just like his freaking daddy, and grinning at me. I’m so gonna be in trouble in about two years, once he starts putting real sentences together. *sigh* I’m counting the days until I hear him tell his sister, “Whatever, Cookie, but you OWE me…”

Why me? Why couldn’t he have been *gasp* more like his Mama? In this case, it’d almost be worth it. Having Blake is bad enough when he’s on a roll. But a Mini-Blake too? Lawd help me.

Please?

But, on the other hand, he DOES have his daddy’s wild curls, his blue blue eyes, and that damn intoxicating smile. *sigh* I just can’t win, can I?

~Ali, helpless and resigned

When Shopping Carts Attack

2008-12-02T11:09:00.001-08:00

Or, how I got arrested in Toys ‘R’ Us

I swear, no matter how hard I try to be good, the gods are working against me.

Case in point: I manage to get a few minutes away from the children (thank you Grandma Rogan) and make it a point to get some early shopping done. So, I head out to Toys R Us and battle the maniacs. I’m standing in an aisle, looking over some stuffed animals (sorry honey, but they ARE still kids) when my cart slams into my side.

I look up, apology on my lips, thinking I hadn’t pulled my cart in beside me and was blocking the aisle. I HATE when people do that, so if I got slammed for blocking the aisle, okay. But when I look up, I meet the blue eyes of my arch nemesis, a.k.a. The Ex. Yeah, Leslie. In MY Toys R Us. Why the hell couldn’t she have stayed in Tennessee? I mean really, no reason for her to be here after all. She’s the one who foisted her child off on his daddy and never looked back. What the hell kind of trouble could she be stirring up now?

All I know is that I’m not putting up with this crap.

“Oooops,” she falsely apologizes, batting her fake eyelashes at me in a parody of remorse.

“Whatever, Leslie, now go away.” I turned my back and reached for a large stuffed moose before I smacked the crap out of her anyway. Forgive and forget, I always had to remind myself. Besides, not only did I have her man, I had her son too. When I was slammed in the hip a second time by my errant cart, I lost it. “What the fuck are you doing?” I bellowed, much to the astonished horror of a mother or two on the adjacent aisle.

She batted her plastic eyelashes at me again. “Don’t look at me, the cart did it.”

“Yeah,” I muttered, “all on its little lonesome too, I’m sure.”

Leslie grinned at me in a saccharine sweet sort of way and nudged her cart against my leg one more time. I dropped the moose into my cart and reached for the closest item. A life-sized stuffed baseball bat and swung, smacking her in the head. Being almost a foot taller than she, and a hell of a lot stronger, she flew backwards and landed on her little round ass, fuming. “You’ll get it for that,” she spat.

“Whatever,” I replied, pushing my cart off the animal aisle and went in search of a video game for my brother, the eternal child.

Security apprehended me on the Lego aisle and now Blake’s refusing to bail me out. Oh well, Shana said she’d be right over, I heard her in the background. She at least gets it, even if I won’t be getting any until my Cowboy calms down. But I’ve gotta admit… it was SO worth it.

And hey, don’t look at me, the stuffed bat did it all.

Turmoil

2008-11-17T17:21:00.001-08:00

Inside.

Outside.

It surrounds me these days. Home, work, it doesn’t matter, I can’t get a break.

At the office, I have an irritable general and a still-jilted ex-boyfriend (although it’s been close to six years since we separated) to deal with, along with the ordinary, everyday trials of not just working in an office, but on a military base full of MEN every day.

At home, I have to divide my time between my rambunctious toddler, so close to being two (if he makes it that long, that is) and my sweet but demanding infant daughter so close to walking (which is why the toddler may not live much longer). Add into that the laundry, the ritual cleaning, the cooking, the animals (now numbering three), and my husband… who may not make it much longer either.

Outside, it’s raining and cold, which puts the kids on edge and Blake over the edge. He wants to be out in the forest, chasing defenseless little bunnies… the kids just want to get drenched and play in the mud. Can’t say I blame the kids, I’d like to go outside and play in the mud too, I think.

Inside, it’s much harder. Inside, I’m a mess. With Blake essentially ‘losing’ his job and then being reunited with my long-lost daughter, I don’t know which way to turn. Having Blake home 24/7 is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it means the kids don’t have to go to daycare, but a curse because well, he’s home all the time. I love the man dearly, but Lord does he know how to push my buttons. Add on top of all that the misery of how I’m feeling – tired, achy, cranky, nauseous, irritable – I think you get the idea. Yeah, that. Not good, is it? Yet another downside to having him home all the time. He’s friskier than any man I’ve ever known and heavens to Mergatriod, I’ve known some frisky ones in my time.

So, there you have it. Drenched in indecision, swamped in turmoil, and as I look out at my boy chasing my daughter, my daughter chasing Houdini the Hamster, and my husband watching it all with that endearing grin of his, I come to a realization.

I really wouldn’t have it any other way. Not today, not tomorrow, and certainly not yesterday.

50 Odd Things

2008-10-22T19:58:00.001-07:00

Damn that Crazy Lady anyway...

1. Do you like blue cheese? Only to dip my hot wings in!

2. Have you ever smoked heroin? No. Why do you ask? *looks around for any lurking commanding officers*

3. Do you own a gun? Lots. Wanna see?

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? Does tequila count?

5. Do you get nervous before doctor's appointments? Has Blake been home lately?

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Mmm... love 'em grilled... and just a little burnt.

7. Favorite Christmas Song. Deck the Tanks...

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Tequila (see CL, we ARE a lot a like)

9. Can you do push ups? Yes ma'am.

10. Do you believe in God, Jesus and the holy spirit? Usually.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry you wear? Dogtags, second only to my wedding band

12. Favorite hobby? See, that other woman made you wonder. Me? Me, I'll tell you straight out that it's CENSORED.

13. Do you work with people who idolize you? Absolutely! And if they know what's good for them, they better KEEP on idolizing me!

14. Do you have A.D.D.? *snort* Stupid question.

15. What's one trait that you hate about yourself? You mean I have undesirable traits?

16. Middle name? Rachael.

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. Where's Blake? I have the Crazy Lady's Reese's Pieces. And I really hate her for this.

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday. Ammo. Coffee. Tequila.

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink. Coffee, coffee, and tequila..

20. Current worry right now? Is that Rory's hamster comes out of hiding soon. He's been A.W.O.L. for about two days...

21. Current hate right now? That freaking little hamster!!!!

22. Favorite place to be? Tucked in with my Cowboy.

23. How did you bring in the New Year? *snickers lewdly* Do you REALLY want to know? I've got pictures...

24. Where would you like to go? To sleep.

25. Name three people who will complete this. You've got me there.

26. Whose answer do you want to read the most? I'd really be interested to see what Blake has to say...

27. What color shirt are you wearing? Camo. Duh.

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Why? Is Blake home?

29. Can you whistle? Yes

30. Favorite color(s)? Green. Grey. Camo.

31. Would you be a pirate? Maybe, if the pay was right.

32. What songs do you sing in the shower? Anything that might annoy Blake.

33. Favorite girl's name? Rayna

34. Favorite boy's name? Rory

35. What's in your pocket right now? There are those handcuffs!

36. Last thing that made you laugh? Raynie baby eating her dinner.

37. Best bed sheets as a child? Ummm... camo?

38. Worst injury you've ever had? You don't want to know. Seriously. It was gruesome.

39. Do you love where you live? Absolutely.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house? 1

41. Who is your loudest friend? Shana

42. How many dogs do you have? None but the strays I feed.

43. Does someone have a crush on you? Wouldn't doubt it.

44. What is your favorite food? Tequila... err... nachos.

45. What is your favorite snack food? Tortilla chips and salsa.

46. What is your favorite candy? Tootsie Pops

47. What is your favorite sports team? Army football!!

48. What song do you want played at your funeral? If You're Reading This by Tim McGraw

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night? *grins mischievously*

50. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up? Damn, I can't bend that way any more...

I Love This...

2008-10-19T10:38:00.001-07:00

I just KNEW there was someone out there who understood. I just KNEW it. Ali thinks I'm deeply deluded though.

Oh gods... she's looking at me with that LOOK again. *sigh* I think I'm about to get banned from the computer again...

~Blake, on the run...

Code Red

2008-10-18T09:39:00.001-07:00

Oh my gods... do you see what Shana just sent me? And just who are they kidding when they say two servings?

Code Red

Prep Time: 5 min
Level: Easy
Serves: 2 servings

4 ounces vodka
3 ounces peach schnapps
3 ounces amaretto
Splash cranberry juice
Splash orange juice
Orange slices, for garnish
Cherries, for garnish

Fill a big bowl with ice. Add all ingredients, garnish with oranges and cherries. Add straws and drink up.

Song #5

2008-10-17T10:14:00.001-07:00

Once I’d tortured Shana with the fact that Billy had sent me HER CD as well as mine… I started to listen to what he had to offer this go round.

A couple of the songs were obviously inspired by her and their relationship which is just the coolest thing ever. Lines about sapphire eyes or flame-colored hair, and I immediately knew they were about her. How could you not?

But then, here comes song #5, an up-tempo, fun song. It’s about relationships gone wrong and crazy women. I was laughing… and then… the line about psycho brunettes with guns… and then I REALLY started to laugh.

Billy lurves me after all!

~Ali

So, Anyway...

2008-10-15T17:30:00.001-07:00

This redheaded friend of mine calls me. She's stuck with her new baby and can't get out. I get these calls a lot these days.

Me: Hello?

Shana: Hey. What are you doing?

Me: Um... working last time I checked.

Shana: Oh.

Me (taking a deep breath): Guess what I got in the mail yesterday?

Shana: I give up.

Me: Your man's new CD. He sent me an early copy.

Shana (shocked): Where's mine?

Me (shrugging into the phone): Dunno. Sure he mailed them on the same day. (laughing) I'm listening to Billllly... I'm listening...

Shana (getting angry): ENOUGH already. You don't need to rub it in. Need I remind you that it's totally unfair to tease me about Billy?

Me (at wit's end): Okay then, would you prefer that I remind you that my husband is sleeping with your boyfriend then?

Shana (awfully quiet for a minute): No, no I think teasing me about the CD will be fine. Think I need to go to the mailbox. Talk to you later.

She hangs up. I burst into laughter. Billy had accidentally mailed them both to me. So, I have her copy and am now holding it hostage. <insert evil laughter here>

Gods, but she knows she loves me (don't you? And I can see you out there, reading this, steaming up the monitor with your breath)...

~Ali, aka Trouble on the Half Shell

If I Had a Cat…

2008-10-07T13:16:00.001-07:00

Blake tells me he would look like this:

I just reminded him that this is why nobody likes him…

I refrained from reminding him that HE was the reason I did jail time the last time I did. Arentcha proud of me?

~Ali and her jailbird kitty

I'm Retiring

2008-09-22T20:12:00.001-07:00

That's it. I'm freaking DONE.

Let me 'splain. No, there is too much, let me sum up.

Stuffing: burnt.

Chicken: stuck to pan.

Stuffing: drowned by too much stock after it was burnt.

Gravy: refused to thicken.

Blake: Grouchy.

Rory: Hell on wheels.

Rayna: Sitting, babbling to herself.

Jabber Jaw, the Fat Hamster: MIA.

Me: thankful I stood firm on not letting that stray kitty into the house...

~Ali

Hee Hee Hee...

2008-09-09T08:26:00.001-07:00

Now, that's what it's all about.

~Ali

Suspicious Activity Alert...

2008-09-07T10:58:00.001-07:00

For the last several weeks, that cowboy of mine has been skulking around the house in a funk. He's angry, he's depressed, and he's lost. And my heart bleeds for the boy but he's been driving me nuts.

Today, however, he's much more chipper and it scares me. The last time something like this happened, he'd joined forces with an um, old friend of mine and located my daughter that I'd been forced to give up when I was 22. So, now he has me paranoid. I haven't any other skeletons in my closet so I know he can't be planning anything like that but...

Will keep you informed. And that reminds me, I don't think I've ever mentioned my reunion with Rhi. *thinks* Yeah, might have to give you some intel on that one later.

~Ali and her Oddly Acting Husband

Day Four and Beyond…

2008-08-22T12:01:00.001-07:00

Despite the bitching, the bickering, and the pointing of fingers, most of our stay was uneventful, if a bit stressful. I tried not to let on because Blake would insist on doing what he thought was the right thing, and I just knew that that would cause so many more problems. I figured that I was a big girl and could deal with it for his sake. And Rayna’s not old enough for it to affect her. Much.

Things wouldn’t stay that way, however.

So anyway, I can’t even begin to tell you how hard this trip home has been on us as a family. We’d only been ‘home’ for a few days when Blake got some bad news. Well, sorta. It was one of those kinds of bad news that really can be good news if you look at it in the right perspective. I got it right away. Blake tried and eventually gave in. His family? Not so much.

And yup, you guessed her Chester – it’s all my fault.

Probably doesn’t help that it arrived on his birthday. While he was at home. Surrounded by his family. And I was playing odd man out and losing.

Sigh.

We were in bed (yeah, I know) when his phone rang. We’d had a late night the night before for several reasons and what you’re thinking now is only part of it (albeit the best part). So, we were snuggled and snoozing off and on, taking advantage of the kids actually sleeping in a bit. Unfortunately, we’d been expecting a all from Billy (that’s not the unfortunate part, the next bit is) so he didn’t even look at the display before he answered his phone.

I watched him answer his phone, happily expecting Billy or Shana, calling to give us an update on the baby that was so close to arriving. Instead, I watched as his bright smile faded and his eyes clouded over. Not good. Blake almost never lets his feelings show like this. Not even when it’s just ‘us’.

He mumbled something into the phone, snapped it shut and threw it across the bedroom, putting a hole in the wall near the dresser. This concerned me more than anything; he is a lot of things but violent is not one of them. Ever.

Turns out, he had right. The president of his label, and I’ll be classy enough not to tell you that it’s JASON MACKENNAH, calls my husband not just on his birthday but on his vacation to tell him they’ve decided the effort is not worth the reward. Translation: Blake no longer has a job. Yeah, you got it, they booted him off the label and bought out his contract simply because he wanted to be around when his daughter was born, and to spend a little time with his family. Outrageous. Pisses me off. I mean, really – others have taken much, much more time off for sillier reasons and never suffered any sort of backlash for it. Maybe its just Blake, chastising him because he’s not the next Tim McGraw or Kenny Chesney when instead, he’s just a guy with a good voice and a whole lot of passion and no more ambition than to go out and do what he does best.

Those are always my favorite kinds of singers anyway. They have nothing to prove and all they want to do (oh oh oh oh oooooh..)is to go out and entertain. Makes sense to me.

But apparently not to Blake’s record label.
Poor guy is heartbroken. And yeah, like I said earlier, his family is blaming me for all that’s happened. If I hadn’t INSISTED he take so much time off and DEMANDED so much of his time, maybe, just maybe he’s still have a job.

Double sigh.

I won’t get into the battles that ensued between his mother, his father, his sister, his stepmother and I that afternoon either. I’m ashamed that I couldn’t control myself on Blake’s birthday, especially after such bad news, but neither could I let them all place the blame on my shoulders.

I don’t know what to do for him. He’s helped me out when I’ve needed it the most, but right now, I’m just stuck. I’ve partially convinced him that this is a good thing – more time at home, more time to concentrate on his song writing (which suffers when he’s on the road so much), but yet, he feels bad. Feels like he should be the one supporting the family and making the money. I think someone forgot to tell him that he has enough stashed that it’ll be okay if he takes a few weeks off.

Ugh. If only Billy wasn’t so busy enjoying his new son. I know he’d know how to help me. Might have to kidnap Daddy later…

Pray for me? I think I need it these days.

~A sad and worried Cookie

Day Three

2008-07-14T15:14:00.001-07:00

The Cowoby and I spent most of this day getting stuff together and hitting the airport to fly down to his hometown, just off the beaten path outside of Tulsa, OK. Now, I've been all over the world but haven't ever spent much time in Oklahoma, so I wasn't sure what to expect when we arrived. Things weren't as green as I had expected, due to the drought and fires that wipe out the state nearly every year, but it was pleasant and very small-town. The weather was warm and humid, and poor Rory, his little curls were frizzing like there was no tomorrow. I'd never tell his father this, but he looked like a male Shirley Temple.

It's very odd when you think that he arranged for his ex-wife Dana to pick us up at the airport instead of his mom or his sister. I guess that just tells you something about my relationship with his family. I get along better with his ex than I do with his parents or siblings. Go me. But then, Dana actually has a sense of humor. And she likes me. So there.

Dana and Blake were very covert about the whole operation, getting all five of us back to Blake's farm just outside the town limits of his small, secluded home town of Karma, OK. I think that if he'd still lived within the town, then we'd have been spotted a lot sooner than we were, but as it was, we were safe for most of the afternoon following the trip home. We were found at around dinner time.

Lucky us.

His sister caught us.

His brother interrupted us.

His mother screamed at us.

His father, well, we're not gonna go there because Blake refuses to tell me anything about that conversation.

*sigh*

Why can't our families just be accepting of who we are and who we love and just get over themselves? All three of my brothers took bitchy, snarky trophy wives that they don't even care about, yet they look good on paper (and in the newspapers together). But do I judge? No. I love my nephews despite the fact their parents are idiots. And I never, never tell them that to their faces. I am so angry any more that I almost wish that transfer to Dublin would come through for me. Yeah, I know, it'd piss Blake off, and we'd REALLY never get any time together, but at least I wouldn't be causing a rift between him and his family like I have been.

Oh, and don't mention that last part to Blake, please. He doesn't even know I put in for that transfer. I think he'd have a major moo-moo if I did. And I can't quite blame him. But I mean, especially after this trip, I'm at a loss. What do I do? Do I stay home alone for every holiday with Rayna since they accept RORY but not RAYNA nor ME? Or, do I turn bitch and make him stay home with US and not go home to be with his family? I'd really rather not do that because while his place IS with US, it's just not right. I may hate my family but they're the only one I have.

I dunno anymore.

*snicker* Wonder what Gaelic sounds like with a southern accent?

~Your Conflicted Cookie

Day Two

2008-07-08T11:34:00.001-07:00

Our second day in Nashville started out innocently enough. I got up and hit the pavement for an early morning jog before the kids woke up. And well, I should have known better than to think Rory would sleep in after getting up at nearly 4 AM every morning for the last year of his life. So, while I was out getting my adrenaline rush on, Bucky was poking Daddy in the face until he was awake.

*snort*

Sorry, I know its mean, but he IS the child's father, is he not? Shouldn't he get up and make breakfast once in awhile? Not according to Blake, at least not for the first fifteen minutes after I returned home. He did eventually get over himself, like I knew he would, but still. Grow a pair, man, and own up to your responsibilities! But, in his defense, I make it much too easy on him and don't ever make him get up with either of the kids, knowing how little rest he gets while he's on the road. Guess I've coddled them all a bit too much, huh?

So, in an attempt to make up for yelling so loudly so early in the morning, Blake treated us all to breakfast at a little café he enjoys when he's in town. Had some tasty stuffed French toast topped with crème anglaise and a side of mixed berries. Again, I should have known better there – Rory is a berry thief. Big time. While I was enjoying a hot breakfast for once, the little runt was sneaking all my blackberries. And Blake let him! Grrr… He'll get his soon, I know. How? Because he decided he wanted me by his side during his fan club shindig later that day.

In order for me to attend, the kids needed a keeper. We had only one option – so Blake harangued his pal Hunter (and how bizarre is THAT that Blake has a friend named Hunter?) into loaning us his sixteen-year-old daughter for the evening. Luckily, Janna loves kids and had no problems giving up her Thursday afternoon for us. And the sweet thing arrived an hour early so that she could get to know Rory a bit while we were still around. Nice!

Anyway, Blake and I split to have a quick lunch before the chaos ensued, as it always does, when he's let loose in public. The good news is, his fan club president knows his mother and she enjoys keeping him in line. The bad news is, well, he tends to get a bit out of control when he's on stage. But, did you expect anything less?

Things are going well at first. He comes out, plays a few songs, does some Q&A, and then does a few more songs, joking with the small audience of his biggest and best fans. Not long after he launches into the second half of his Q&A, everything goes to hell in a hand basket. Quickly. There's a group of about five young women, younger than me (quit laughing), but old enough to know better, who keep peppering him with personal questions. REALLY personal. Which wasn't that bad at first, asking him silly things like which side of the bed he preferred (left), whether he wore boxers or briefs (tighy whiteys, God help me), and so on and so forth. He got a bit embarrassed over a few of them, but mainly because they fell under the TMI category than for any other reason.

Enter the HB (that's head bitch to those uninitiated in my acro-slang). She wants to know when he and Leslie are getting hitched. EXCUSE me? Umm… he's been married to ME for a YEAR plus now… he announced that little tidbit back at the beginning of the year, much to the displeasure of his record label. However, he felt he needed a real explanation for all the time he was about to (attempt to) take off. Blake glances at me, standing along the back wall, quickly and then reminds the little chit that he and Leslie had gone their separate ways nearly two years ago and that he had married ME. He then points me out, hiding in the back amongst the cookies (and how funny is THAT?). She turns, looks me up and down, finds me wanting and dismisses me completely. Turning back to Blake, she wants to know if he'd ever consider dating another musician like Leslie. I clear my throat, loudly, and get a LOOK from Blake. He's playing her game, but I've had it at this point.

Hello, I know I'm not as hot as or as young as Leslie, and I never will be. And yeah, I've wondered more than once why he chose ME, ME of all people, over her, but he DID. That's good enough. I do not need some biotch coming in and trying to usurp my position. I know, I know, I shouldn't let it bother me, after all, he IS coming home where? Here. Yeah. But still.

He managed to deflect her questions by asking her one about her, personally. And, well, like all self-absorbed crackpots, she took the bait and let loose with her life story. Niiiice Blake. He managed to get past her and her little group and get to the fun stuff – the trivia game and some other things his fan club president and I had come up with. Everything was fine, fine, fine until it was time for the party to disperse. Everyone managed to behave while he signed autographs and took pictures, even if a few did get a bit touchy feely (but then, he's got such a sweet ass, how could they resist?)… bugged me, but since no one was TOO invasive (no jewel grabbing at least), I didn't let it upset me. The real trial came as everyone was leaving.

I'd taken up a post near Rachel, the club President, talking while Blake hung out backstage, when the HB from earlier came and thought it was high time to confront me. Oh yes she did. And let me say this much – cow ought to be DAMN thankful that I left my piece at home (my real home, that is) or she'd have air conditioning in her skull right now. She had the nerve, the total NERVE, to get in my face and say, "I don't know how he thinks you're worth it, but you so don't measure up. He needs a real woman."

Oh. Hell. No.

Rachel gripped my forearm, knowing me and my temper. Just that simple touch kept me from decking her, however, it gave my mouth free reign. "Ya know, bitch. I guess you're right. If you find one, be sure to let Blake know, kay?"

I turned then, crossed the theater, and vaulted onto the low stage before I could smack her silly.

I've since discovered that, at Blake's request, Rachel has booted the bitch. *evil laughter* And even better? Rache had the idea before Blake even suggested it.

~Vindicated at Last, Ali

While the Cowboy is Away…

2008-07-07T10:58:00.001-07:00

His Cookie will play…

Since Blake has taken Rory and disappeared for the time being, I thought I'd sneak in and update you at least a little on the fiasco surrounding his birthday celebration and our resultant trip home. Le sigh.

My initial flight into Nashville was, believe it or not, relatively uneventful. My brother drug himself out of bed at the butt crack of dawn (even for the two of us) to help me dress and drag my two children to the airport to wait an unbelievable amount of time for the flight. Rayna crashed big time once we were in the air and Rory, well, he's a curious little thing. He had to see and touch everything while asking a million questions nonstop. But, hey, as annoying as that was, at least he wasn't crying or screaming or being his normally obnoxious little self. He entertained the stewardesses and passengers in our area with his stuffed fish and Rayna's stuffed deer. I'm sure they've never seen the likes of my child before.

Our flight arrived on time and Daddy was there to meet us. He was ragged and worn out, having just left a meeting with his label president. THAT so did not go well, but I'll let you all in on that a bit later. Comes into play during his actual birthday, poor guy. Anyway, poor baby Blake herded us all into his truck and took us back to the small apartment he keeps for times like this. And, despite the fact he kept telling me it 'wasn't much' and just a 'small bachelor pad', I swear to all that's holy, that freaking apartment is larger than our house! He really needs to use a tape measure. After settling the kids in, we let them nap and we watched a movie, ordering dinner in when the time came.

That was Wednesday, a week before his birthday. Thursday, he had his annual fan club party at a small theater-like club in the early afternoon. That was an experience to remember. GRRRRR… will have to wait on that one, and think about what I want to say because I so wanted to have it out with a chick or two that afternoon…

But, I digress. And I hear the rumble of Blake's truck in the drive. Now that we're back in MY home, I need to be nice. *evil laughter* But seriously, I think he's had enough stress this year, why add more to it?

~A Not Quite Done Ali

So, Where Do I Start?

2008-07-01T09:28:00.001-07:00

With my arrogant, insensitive in-laws? With my husband's idiotic employers? Oh, I know it… I should start my rant with a handful of jealous, overzealous fans! Yeah, that's the ticket.

Damn, he's frowning at me. That's not any fun. He's sensitive and doesn't want me bashing his fans, even if they deserve it. But, let me say this, not ALL of his fans are jerks. Just these few and I am not happy.

And Blake knows it. He's been keeping me as far away from my computer as he can for the last two weeks. Maybe once I calm down some, I'll start with his birthday and go from there.

You DO know that I love you, right? Even if I hate your family? I thought so.

Kisses, Cowboy…

~Ali on a Rampage

Almost Here

2008-06-17T15:01:00.000-07:00

So, tomorrow's the big day. Poor ol' Blake's gonna be a whopping 32 years old. *snort* Not that I feel bad for him or anything. I'M going to be 34 not long after. No sympathy...

We've managed to avoid the family so far, but that will change tomorrow without a doubt. It's really sad when you'd rather have your husband's ex-wife pick you up at the airport than his family. But, um, well, have you met his family?

Now, I guess I ought to sneak over to Dana's and wrap Daddy's presents for tomorrow.

~Ali, refusing to give in to those big blue eyes and tell him what he's getting

So, Why Did God Make Oklahoma Anyway?

2008-06-16T15:06:00.000-07:00

Surely, just to torture me and wonder why oh why?

Blake’s mother has convinced him he needs to come home for his birthday this year. Oh yay. Just what I wanted to do. Pack up my 2 ½ year old son, my 5 month old daughter, and FLY to Oklahoma just so I can listen to her, her ex and his new wife and all the siblings whine about how my husband can’t ever make a smart choice.

Add to that the fact that SHE has a place just down the road from him and I’m screwed. This is so not going to be a vacation. I’m just thankful we got to have Father’s Day to ourselves, mostly. Blake lied (good boy) and told his mother we couldn’t get an earlier flight out, so we didn’t even arrive until early evening. Delayed us enough to have an early lunch as a family. He felt guilty, but it didn't seem to affect his appetite any.

We got time to ourselves. Just us. He’s not proud, but he’s happy. And you better believe I'm a gonna keep you updated...

~Ali, soon to be on a Rampage

Chef for Hire

2008-06-10T10:38:00.001-07:00

My brother, God love him, isn't the world's greatest cook. So, in an effort to surprise his very pregnant wife, he enlisted me, ME, mother to two (three if you count Blake and I usually do), tired and dragging, to help him out in his effort.

What can I say? I'm a sucker for a good love story.

Something simple, he says, something tasty, he says. But nothing else. Huh? Um, help here pal…

So, what I decided on was this. Thank you, Rachael Ray.

You Won't Be Single For Long Vodka Cream Pasta Recipe (um, hellllooooo… he's already married… even if it was pretty shotgun-like…)

(Courtesy Rachael Ray)

This recipe will make enough for 2 couples. If you plan a romantic evening where more than two's a crowd, reserve half the sauce to freeze for another supper before the addition of basil, and only cook 1/2 to 2/3 pound of penne.

(It's obvious she's never had to feed either my brother OR my husband…)

1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil, once around the pan in a slow stream

1 tablespoon butter

2 cloves garlic, minced

2 shallots, minced

1 cup vodka

1 cup chicken stock

1 can crushed tomatoes (32 ounces)

Coarse salt and pepper

16 ounces pasta, such as penne rigate

1/2 cup heavy cream

20 leaves fresh basil, shredded or torn

Crusty bread, for passing

Heat a large skillet over moderate heat. Add oil, butter, garlic, and shallots. Gently saute shallots for 3 to 5 minutes to develop their sweetness. Add vodka to the pan, 3 turns around the pan in a steady stream will equal about 1 cup. Reduce vodka by half, this will take 2 or 3 minutes. Add chicken stock, tomatoes. Bring sauce to a bubble and reduce heat to simmer. Season with salt and pepper.

While sauce simmers, cook pasta in salted boiling water until cooked to al dente (with a bite to it). While pasta cooks, prepare your salad or other side dishes.

Stir cream into sauce. When sauce returns to a bubble, remove it from heat. Drain pasta. Toss hot pasta with sauce and basil leaves. Pass pasta with crusty bread.

Just don't forget the extra vodka needed to soothe your very frazzled nerves at the end of the cooking…

What's that, Blake? Oh, of course I'm still nursing. Nooooo, not me. I'd NEVER dream of drinking while nursing your child. *whispers to audience* I've always wondered if that was what happened to him…

Yes dear.

On my way, dear.

Men.

Can't live with 'em and you still can't shoot 'em…

~Ali (and her leftover farfalle with vodka sauce…)

Near-Hit

2008-05-23T08:34:00.001-07:00

Looks like Shana narrowly escaped this time.

Ashton's gonna be a daddy after all. Just not with my redheaded friend. You'd think the boy would know better at this stage of the game, but I guess not.

My first thought was, Did she count wrong? But then my brain chimed in and made sense of what I'd just heard the DJ say. I must still have preggo brain or something.

Yay Ashton, I guess.

I can't wait to hear what Blake has to say about this. <insert eye roll here> I swear, that boy just needs to get over himself.

~Ali

Mwahahahahahaha...

2008-04-11T11:11:00.000-07:00

I think I love the Internet... you can learn how to do darn near anything online... Like make a homemade crossbow.

Thank you WikiHow!

LMAO

~A Scary Ali (according to Blake...)

OY

2008-04-10T20:35:00.000-07:00

and double vey.

That freaking BLONDE is involved.

*sigh*

Why Blake, why? What made you say yes? A duet? What the hell were you thinking?

Ah, that's right... you WEREN'T... Stay tuned, this can't be good.

~Ali, aggravated and irritated

Blake...

2008-04-03T14:08:00.000-07:00

is being weirder than normal. Should I be concerned?

I'm just... concerned... that that BLONDE is involved again somehow.

~Ali

I've Been Wondering

2008-02-20T10:57:00.000-08:00

...and I really probably shouldn't be pondering thoughts along these lines but, well, here it is...

Where's Paulo?

It's been almost four months without a word. He's not ever been um, chatty but he's never gone this long without sending me some kind of proof he was still breathing.

I dunno. I have faith that he can more than take care of himself. I just wonder sometimes.

~Ali

It All Comes Out in the Wash…

2008-02-19T11:16:00.000-08:00

Or so the saying goes...

So, you know how it goes, you sit and chat with your honey about nothing, really, just small talk in the comfort of each other’s arms, right? You’re slowly getting to know each other, more and more every day, and even when you think you know all there is to know… WHAMMO!

You get nailed.

And why is it they can’t ever drop a good sort of bomb on you? Like they won an award for most productive Honor Society student or they’d been a mentor for an underprivileged child? No, can’t ever be that easy, can it?

Of course not, not with my husband anyway. See, we’d been talking about the kids and somehow wandered onto the topic of school… whether they’d be going to a private school, or on base, or whatever. Not things I’d thought of, but things he and I needed to start discussing eventually.

And as these things go, we started reminiscing about our past days in school. Mine were boring. I went to an all girl boarding school in Boston, just far enough away from my family to suit my needs. Graduated early, at 14, moved on to an Ivy League college, graduated at 17, and to Ireland after that. Interesting? Yeah. Exciting? Not so much. Well, not until Ireland, but I was almost an adult by then…

So, what does my charming husband tell me about his school days? “Oh, nothing much, Cookie, just that I got suspended for propping a dead deer up in my algebra teacher’s chair my freshmen year. And came close my junior year for squirting Doe in Heat in the girl’s locker room. Other than that, the parties, skipping class to go fishing, I was a good kid.”

Oh gods, and I spawned with the man! Heaven help me.

Better yet, please help Rayna. I have a feeling my Cowboy’s gonna be a hit with all of Rory’s friends. But Raynie? I dread the day she brings home her first boy. Daddy and Uncle Albie propped on the porch, shotguns in hand, and evil grins plastered on their faces. I guess it’s a good thing Mama’s got access to all the really good weapons.

~A thoughtful, Ali

Finally

2008-02-17T19:02:00.000-08:00

It’s been awhile, no? Well, good reason behind that at least. Lil Miss Rayna Rhose has finally decided to join us here in the real world. About darn time, huh?

What’s that? She was early. Pshaw!

Okay, well, maybe a little early. But not by much. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. They’d predicted February 3rd. She arrived on January 25th. That’s only, what? Nine days? Not bad.

And talk about harrowing! That last week before her birth was crazy! Poor Billy got stuck babysitting me and, when it came down to the wire, I thought the poor boy was gonna pass out on me on the way to the hospital. Blake was stuck in an interview with a skank of a reporter. Come to find out she was doing everything in her power to get a piece of my man. Lemme tell ya, she’s soooo lucky I was busy having a baby because if he’d told me that before? Yeah, you know it too.

But, delayed or not, he made it just in the nick of time. At 4:23 PM, on Friday, January 25, 2008, out little girl arrived, happy, healthy, and screaming her little lungs out, thankful to be free at last. She weighed in at seven pounds, nine ounces, and has the biggest, bluest eyes you’ve ever seen. Well, unless you’ve been lucky enough to latch onto her daddy’s that is. And oh, the curls that little one has! Little dark brown ringlets everywhere!

I’m simply amazed at how much she resembles her half-brother, Rory. But then, they both look so much like their daddy that it shouldn’t really surprise me. However, knowing that they have two different mommies, it kinda stops me in my tracks, ya know? Lil Bucky seems to really like his little sister though, let’s just hope it stays that way, right? But so far, so good, and I’m not complaining.

And daddy? He’s in heaven. I’ve never seen Blake as content as his is right now, Rayna asleep on his chest, Rory with his head in his lap, thumb in his mouth, drifting off with his sister. Daddy looks like he’s not far behind either…

Which means Mama might actually get herself some quiet time. Shh… don’t tell, but I think I’m gonna sneak off and have myself a bath…

~Ali

Yeaaaah... Right!

2008-01-22T14:07:00.000-08:00

I'm rather amused by the fact Scarlett thinks this is all MY fault. Little does she realize how much she really likes talking about herself.

*ducks flying crossbow bolts*

But seriously, I think she's going to get addicted just as quickly as I did. God only knows Blake doesn't want to listen to me ramble all the time. And neither do my co-workers. Not that I can actually TALK to anyone while I'm stuck on freaking bed rest like this. *sighs*

But these days, you do not want to let me get ahold of your ear. Especially on a day like today. Back aches. Tummy hurts. Rayna refuses to sit still. C'mon kid, aren't ya ready to make an apperance yet? Please? For Mommy? Besides, we can freak your Daddy out while we're at it and we all know how much FUN that is...

Gah, I am so uncomfortable today! What the heck is up with this? Wish Blake was around to give me a back rub, but he had an interview to do that his manager sprung on him last-minute. And unfortunately, the idiot (the manager, not my husband this time) promised Blake would be there. In person.

Honey? Hurry home...

~An extremely uncomfortable Ali

So They Tell Me...

2008-01-10T14:32:00.002-08:00

That I'll be a Mama by the first week of February. The 7th is the date Dr. Eddie gave me this morning. I'm not so sure I'm going to make it that long... I'm betting before the end of the month. Blake's praying for next February. Poor guy, gonna actually have to change a diaper this time around, I think...

But seriously, this kid is ready to go. Wonder if Blake'd shoot me if I got into that red raspberry tea I picked up last week. Hmm, I doubt he'd figure out that I started my own labor soo...

But that wouldn't be nice, would it?

On the bright side, Shana and I managed to finish the nursery. I did NOT leave anything to Blake this time around. I am not going to take a chance on having a pink version of Rory's room, god help me. And yanno, I think Blake's been reading my old blogs. How do I know this, you ask? Maybe because I made an offhand comment once about how the only thing Rory's room was missing was a tree stand... and this last week, bored out of his mind, Blake BUILT him one... with a mini-playhouse at the top.

*sigh*

What am I going to do with that man? I swear, I either need to shut up or stop putting things in print. All I do know is that if I start finding stuffed deer and turkeys with fake arrows sticking out of them, he's sleeping on the couch!

Blech. Baby's kicking and I just wanna go home! Wish it were that easy... Good news is, I get to have dinner with my brother and Jo tonight. It should be interesting. But at least I get Johanna as a buffer.

Four-thirty, get here soon!

What WAS She Thinking?

2008-01-03T13:45:00.001-08:00

I swear to all that's holy, I don't know what gets into that woman sometimes. I mean, she asked me what my resolutions for the new year were.

I know, seriously, right?

Um, and after reading her last post, well, let's just say that not strangling her might be at the top of my list. *glares evilly at the woman in the kitchen*

And then you get stupid ass me buying her a new handgun for Christmas. What the hell was I thinking? Why can't she be a normal woman and ask for $5,000 diamond earrings like my ex, Leslie, did? But noooo... I can't marry a normal woman, can I? No, idiot ol' me has to marry the woman who likes and appreciates fire power.

I'm rethinkin' my list, I think. Drink more. Sleep less. Buy more cammo maybe.

~a rather frightened Blake

Happy New Year

2008-01-02T15:23:00.000-08:00

Scary to think that I started this blog December 27, 2006. Yes, 2006! Wowzers! And the fun I've had since then...

*cough*

I meant with the blogging. Really! No? Don't believe me? Well, then that means you've been reading regularly.

This past year, I've had a lot happen. Married my honey. Got a six-month-old cutie named Rory dumped into my lap and instantly fell in love. Got the crap beaten out of me and damn near got divorced. Twice. Fought and reconciled with my Cowboy. Damn near got myself killed trying to keep Blake from getting killed. Got pregnant with a child of my own and am now waiting for her to arrive. Six weeks and counting, girly girl.

I've made some new friends this year, as well as rediscovered a few old ones. My brother got married and is having a baby.

And so is Scarlett! I'm telling you, this is probably the second best news of the year. The first, of course was Blake asking me to come back home, but that's another drama all together. Just waiting to see if Red's gonna get hitched now or not...

I can't even begin to imagine what kind of chaos 2008 is going to bring. Although, it's now official... Blake is home until further notice. And the chaos my house is in proves just that. Man, at least they've let me out of the hospital. I'm still on bed rest, but at least I'm home, which is taming the destruction caused by Nerf darts, crazy babies, and well-meaning cowboys, but still...

So, the big question, the one everyone's asking: What are your resolutions?

I hate making resolutions. They never stick and are always about stupid things. What I tend to do is set goals and make promises. Yeah, promises.

My Goals Are To:
1. Not to murder Blake in his sleep.
2. Get this chaos under control and institute some order while Cowboy is still home.
3. Plan Scarett's wedding (whether she knows it or not).

My Promises Are To:
1. Be a good mommy and not murder Daddy in his sleep...
2. Be a good wife and not do the same as above.
3. Spend some serious time just being a family while I can. I fear we're gonna lose Daddy much sooner than either he or I would like... damn this life he lives anyway!

I'm sure there will be more before too long, but this works for now. Hope you are having a good year so far. Do what you can to make it your best yet.

~Ali and Raynie Baby

So is That Why…

2007-11-29T12:24:00.000-08:00

…they call them hot dogs?

*blows on fingers*

Duh, Ali Rae, why else do you think? Eh, who knows these days? I sure don’t. Preggo brain has officially taken over. Kicked my hormones ass and have taken control of my body. Do I hear the X-Files theme playing?

No? Maybe it’s just me then.

I can’t remember crap. Lose my car keys when they’re in my hand. Oh, and the best part? I forget what I’m saying halfway through a sentence. Explain that one to me.

I do have to say though Blake is rather enjoying himself these days. He says he enjoys being the ‘rational one’. As freaking if. I’m at the point of wondering whether it’s a good thing he’s decided to stop touring until after Rayna’s born or not. Scary thought – he told me he was tempted to take a whole year off and stay home.

HELP ME!

But seriously, I’m thrilled he’s so happy and excited not just about Rayna, but about his son, Rory too. Rory’s been missing his daddy lately, so it’s nice to have him home for that reason. Even if he IS driving me batty. But, to hear Blake tell it, it’s part of his job. Says it was in the fine print on the back of the marriage certificate.

Freaking men anyway!

*sigh*

Suppose I’ll survive. Like Bill Engvall says, “I don’t have a problem going back to jail, son.”

~Ali, Rayna, the hormones and the attitude…

Just My Luck...

2007-10-22T15:57:00.000-07:00

Suppose this means I ought to watch my backside from now on. I doubt anyone's going to be scared off by this... This nimble patronus looks like a combination of a penguin and a wolverine. It's body distorts strangely as it moves.

LOL But seriously... can you imagine? Penguin is odd enough but part wolverine? Oooh... only if it's Hugh Jackman...

*cough*

Sorry Blake, I was just joking. No, really, I didn't mean it. Honest. And why would I know you were reading over my shoulder anyway?

Oh, yeah, right. I forgot. My fault.

(Psst... he has a bad habit of ALWAYS reading over my shoulder... sigh) If he's not careful, I'm gonna wave my wand of ash and cowboy beard hair and smack him upside the head with a cosmic sphere of drooling.

Ooops... Too late! *ducks quickly* And to think he'd hit a preggo. HMPH! I think he needs to buy me ice cream now. Whaddaya think?

No? I bet Billy would. Lemme call and find out...

*whispers* Isn't it amazing how fast threats work with the man? *smiles proudly as her man pulls on his boots and heads out to get ice cream*

Today's Thought

2007-10-11T10:36:00.000-07:00

Your plan to pen your memoir seems like a waste of time when you realize that your life story has already been described in thousands of odes to mediocrity -- better known as country songs.

Hmm... I wonder if I should mention this to Blake?

Naaahh...

But, it leads you to wonder - What would my memoirs be like? Part horror novel, part sleazy romance novel, part country song for sure...

The horror of growing up in a family like mine. Father who never wanted me. Abusive brothers. Apathetic mother.

I got married when I was 16, just to get away from my family. Had a torrid relationship with my husband until I was forced to leave him behind when he threatened my best friend and adopted brother. Then there was the delicious hooking up with my blue-eyed co-worker after losing my husband. And, no matter how hard I try to forget, there was the hooking up with my psycho commanding officer as well... *shudder*

Well, in my defense, he seemed like a nice, normal guy at the time.

And the sleazy part... well, Blake, my new husband, knows all about that one. Heh. Heh. Heh...

Sorry, got sidetracked there a moment. But seriously, I found him while he was already dating someone else, someone younger and prettier. But apparently she didn't have my skills, or something because he left her and came a-runnin'.

And the country song part? Hmm... wanna list?

Ten Rounds with Jose Cuervo to start

The More I Drink is a nice chaser

I'm Not Strong Enough to Say No describes a huge chunk of my life, Blake included...

Some Beach ~ Need I say more? Didn't think so

Online... *snort*

What Was I Thinkin' and how often have I wondered just that?

Last Dollar (Fly Away) something I think we can all relate to...

... I could go on and on and on... but I doubt either of us really has that much time. But I can say this much: If I had to pick a theme song for my memoirs, it'd be Playboys of the Southwestern World. Why? Well, it's the very first line of the song that clinches it: "This is a song about best friends..." and where would you be without your friends?

~Ali and John Roy, a boy I knew since he was 3 and I was 2...

Snort

2007-09-28T13:55:00.000-07:00

Okay, I swear... this will be the last one. It's gotta be or I'm gonna get caught. LOL Seeing as I'm pregnant, I just couldn't resist doing this one...

Rayna:

Your Celebrity Baby Name Is...

Saffron Poppy

What's" Your Celebrity Baby Name?

Rory:

Your Celebrity Baby Name Is...

August Science

What's" Your Celebrity Baby Name?

Me:

Your Celebrity Baby Name Is...

Luna Jazz

What's" Your Celebrity Baby Name?

Blake:

Your Celebrity Baby Name Is...

Tryumph Sirius

What's" Your Celebrity Baby Name?

NOW he's really gonna shoot me...

Hmm...

2007-09-28T13:52:00.001-07:00

Yeah, well, what can I say? These Blogthings are addicting...

Your Relationship Will Last... A Long Time!

This may be hard for you to swallow, but you and your guy might not lastAt least not forever. He's somewhere between Mr. Right... and Mr. Right NowNo doubt your guy is a great catch - and generally good to youThe odds are, however, that someone better is out there!

http://www.blogthings.com/howlongwillyourrelationshipwithyourguylastquiz/">How Long Will Your Relationship With Your Guy Last?

Not sure I wanna tell Blake about this one... LOL

My Karaoke Song...

2007-09-28T13:48:00.000-07:00

Since I seem to have been neglecting ya'll lately, thought I'd have a little fun...

Your Karaoke Theme Song is "Baby Got Back"

You're a total show off who is willing to risk looking like a fool to get a few laughs.In fact, you'll go for the cheap laugh if you need to... because it's better than no reaction!
Your friends can count on you to get a party started, and you'll party hard until you can't remember their names.You're charismatic, charming, and a total character. With or without a few drinks in you.
You might also sing: "I Touch Myself," "Oops I Did it Again," or "My Humps"
Stay away from people who sing: "Candle in the Wind"

What's" Your Karaoke Theme Song?

And yeah, Blake's still laughing...

Drunk Blogging

2007-09-01T22:58:00.000-07:00

The Top 5 Reasons why Ali should not blog while drinking:

#5: She tends to ramble a LOT and gets off topic very easily. You remember that night, Albie, that we went to the karaoke bar? Yeah, that one, down off The Strip. Yeah. That was the night I first thought about a blog. Not that it happened right away because Andy had this idea and… what?

#5: She gets very irritated very easily (even more than normal, believe it or not) and starts to yell foul things at the computer when she can’t type properly because she can’t see the keys. Like now. $%^@! Keyboard! TYPE!

#3: Did I mention that she gets off topic really easily? And has an awful time finding her way back again. She’s still in the corner rambling on to her brother about a night in a bar somewhere in Vegas. *shakes head*

#2: She gets awfully frisky and I’d really, really hate for her to be wasting all that well-deserved friskiness on the computer. A man’s got needs ya know…

And the #1 reason why Ali should not be let near her blog while drinking is…

HEY! WAIT!! SHE’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DRINKING ANYWAY!!!!!!!! (Sheesh, I guess it’s a good thing it’s ME that’s drinking and blogging and not her huh?)

~Blake and his Bacardi

Inconsistencies

2007-08-29T10:42:00.000-07:00

So, you see, I have this certain officer of higher rank that is a bit of a thorn in my side. He’s so very particular about things that it drives me nuts. He’ll stop mid-stride to pick up the smallest scrap of paper off the floor, even if I’m right behind him with the vacuum. Or, worse yet, he’ll stop everything to straighten a crooked book or pile of folders. ARGH! This minute attention to detail wouldn’t be so horribly annoying if he weren’t so inconsistent.

Using the restroom after him is a joke. Paper towels miss the trashcan. Droplets sprinkle the floor surrounding the toilet. And what’s the most irritating part? Water splashed all over the faucet and countertop. Not such a big deal right? But when he’s so anal about everything else, you’d think he’d pay more attention. But no such luck. Too easy, I think.

Being the preggo cow that I am, I just wandered into the kitchenette our little block of offices share so we don’t have to keep leaving our posts to hit the mess hall. There were splashes of coffee all over the kitchen counter. Rice stuck to the inside of the sink. Some sort of gravy-type-sauce splattered in the microwave.

What the hell?

Can you either be a total slob or an obsessive cleaner? Please? Just choose one or the other and stop annoying me with your inconsistent behavior! This child of mine is about to unleash the holy horror of preggo hormones on you if you aren’t careful!

*deep breaths*

Okay, I think I’m better now. So, where’s the chocolate?

Dreaming in the Sun

2007-07-20T12:12:00.000-07:00

I know I shouldn’t have, but I just couldn’t bear not to.

Living in D. C. is nothing like living in Vegas. I miss the pure heat of the sun. The way it beats down on you and makes your skin tingle. I miss the way the hot air caresses your skin, raising goose bumps along your arms and legs, and sending a shiver through your body.

Blake thinks I’m crazy.

But then, he’s from a naturally humid area. Warm, yes, but not truly hot, not unless the moisture factor is through the roof. He doesn’t get it.

But I do.

Having spent my childhood on the coast of Massachusetts, I know. I migrated to Nevada after having spent some time out that way, searching for something I was unable to find. I was almost twenty-two and looking for my sanity. I’d lost my husband and my child and thought about why and who and when, and not finding any answers. My friends, and fellow Army brats, Dusty and Andy, took me in and tried their best to help me out, but it was no use. So, instead, we hung out at Dusty’s place in Vegas, drank margaritas, soaked up the sun, and burnt our toes on the hot desert sand. Probably not the best way to ease my depression and heartache, but at that point, I was out of options.

I may not have been able to piece my heart back together at that point, but I was able to mend my aching soul. I attribute it to the healing powers of the desert, but my brother thinks I’m nuts.

That seems to be the general consensus these days.

So, here I am, eleven years later, and pregnant again. Back home for just a couple days. I begged for leave the moment my Cowboy told me he had a show here, in what has become my true home. Being with him here, in my much neglected home, was too much of a call to ignore. We were married here, in this house, in this beloved desert of mine. How could I not want to go?

He’s gone now, left early this morning. I’m alone, aside from Blake’s young son, Rory, who’s sound asleep in his crib. At last check, he had his stuffed bass tucked under his chin, thumb in his mouth. A perfect opportunity for a bit of ‘me time’, something I don’t get much of.

Excuse me while I stretch and yawn, this warmth always makes me sleepy. I’d better get up and slather on more sunscreen before I drift off. Rory will be up and eager again before too long, so I might as well enjoy the quiet and spend a bit more time dreaming in the sun.

I Believe…

2007-07-16T10:11:00.000-07:00

… that guns don’t kill people. Husbands who come home early do. Or so says Jeff Foxworthy.

Which brings me to where I am right now. What do I really believe? About me, my life, my love, my family?

I’ll start with the easy part first, my family. I believe that I have finally found just the right mix of serious and insane, enough down-to-earth to balance out the not-so-much-so. Between my adopted brother and my best friend, I think there lays a lot of grey area. A gaping grey area filled with people like my Cowboy, ‘Zook, Tim, Andy, Jo, Billy, Bucky and my Cowbaby. And there’s more, too many more to mention here and now.

Notice I didn’t mention any blood relatives? That’s because they are so not in my realm of family. My brothers hate me and my parents are just indifferent. Make for a fun life, doesn’t it? And as for my Cowboy’s family, I think they may just hate me even more than my own does, which is quite the accomplishment, if you ask me.

This is the reason I’m so thankful for Albie and even ‘Zook, they keep me smiling when I want to murder someone. Red and Billy give me reason to be relieved when the Cowboy and I fight. Seeing another couple so much in love that fights more than we do? It’s reassuring. It’s not always all that pleasant because ticking Scarlett off is never a smart thing to do, but it is comforting to know you’re not alone. Jo and Tim, I think, are the only two middle-of-the-road people I know. And God love them for putting up with all the rest of us.

What can I say about Rory, aka Bucky, and the little Cowbaby to be? Aside from the fact that they are a constant reminder to me of why I should NOT to murder their father? Kids change your life and Rory has gone above and beyond in that area. He’s brought so much joy, light, love and chaos into an already crazy home…

In the realm of my family, I believe that I am blessed.

My life is a much harder topic to tackle. My job sucks most days and I never know what’s going to happen next. My superiors are overbearing, obnoxious jerks that live to make my life difficult. However, seeing as they’re protecting the fate of the free world, would I really expect anything less? Would I want anything less? Probably not.

Being stuck on indefinite desk duty is a chore. No idea even when I’ll be allowed to get back to the real aspects of my job once this little one arrives. Six months? A year? And what will the Cowbaby’s Daddy say when that time comes around again? I dread that moment. It will not be a happy point in our relationship I’m thinking…

I believe that I may just survive my life as a soldier tied to a desk, just as long as they don’t make me stay here.

Which leaves me with the state of my love life… over the last year, it’s had its ups and downs, but I’ve, we’ve, managed to make it through. I do believe we’ve come out of all this crap stronger, happier, and a much more solid couple. Couple of what, however, remains to be seen.

But I digress…

My Cowboy hasn’t ever been made to be responsible for himself, let alone a wife and a young child. Rory was the surprise that changed his life, his attitude, and our relationship. His sudden appearance in our life made us reevaluate how and why we were together. And I think he’s come to understand that, since taking in and taking on a child that’s not even mine, that I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon. Something that, just a few months ago, he refused to believe was possible. As a matter of fact, that was something he was sure of just a few months ago. Confessing that small bit of information to me has always left me wondering why he’d proposed in the first place. If he didn’t think here was where I wanted to be, why ask? But, then, you have to consider the source on that one.

I’ll never regret this trip he and I are making together. There are days when I wonder why I worked so hard to get the right to be his woman, ask myself why I couldn’t just let him go… But then, Rory will give me one of his daddy’s smiles, and those little blue eyes will shine with joy and I know: This is what it’s all about. Being mom to this little boy has been an adventure; I cannot wait to see what his sister is like. After all, she’s not just part Cowboy; she’s going to be part me as well. God help her. I’m thankful he loves us all enough to not go postal on us all.

I believe that I’ve found the man of my dreams, and that he just may be a bit of a hopeless romantic at that… There’s no other explanation, is there?

~Ali, overflowing with hormones…

A-Z

2007-07-10T12:18:00.000-07:00

• A
Are you available?: Nope
What is your age?: 33 tomorrow, tomorrow…

• B
Do you know anyone named Brian?: Yes! Does he owe you money too?
When is your birthday?: July 11th

• C
What's your favorite candy?: Any kind with sugar?
What kind of car do you drive?: Jeep

• D
Do you daydream?: Yeah
What's your favorite kind of dog: Basset hound

• E
How do you like your eggs?: Depends on who’s cooking them.
Have you ever been in the emergency room?: Oy and Vey. Too many times.
Ever pet an elephant?: No

• F
Do you use fly swatters? Nooooo…
Is there a fan in your room?: Two. :)

• G
Do you chew gum?: Yep.
Do you like gummy candies?: Again, do they have sugar?
Do you like gorey movies?: YEAH!

• H
How are you?: Pregnant. Need I say more?
What's your height?: 6’ 1”
What color is your hair?: Brown w/some encroaching grey…

• I
What's your favorite ice cream?: cake batter
Have you ever ice skated?: Yes
Ever been in an igloo?: Yes and would have rather skipped that assignment…

• J
Favorite Jelly Bean: MARGARITA!
Do you wear jewelry: Yeah

•K
Who do you want to kill?: Nobody currently.
Have you ever flown a kite?: Yeah
Do you think kangaroos are cute? Hmm, how close am I?

•L
Are you laidback?: Sometimes
Lions or tigers?: BEARS!
Do you like black licorice?: EEEW!

• M
Favorite store at the mall?: Which mall?
Favorite movie?: Tombstone

• N
Do you have a nickname?: None that I can print. :) Cookie and Jaye usually.
Do you prefer night or day? Day

• O
Are you an only child?: No.
Do you like the color orange?: Prefer green. *snort*

• P
Do you know anyone named Penelope?: Not that I know of. If SHE owes you money, it's not my problem.
Are you quick to judge people?: I try not to be.

• R
Do you think you're always right?: No
Do you watch reality TV?: Bleh.

• S
Do you prefer sun or rain?: Rain? What’s rain?
Do you like snow?: See igloo question.

• T
What time is it?: 12:24 PM
What time did you wake up? 4 AM

• U
Can you ride a unicycle?: Never had a reason to try.
Do you know anyone with a unibrow?: *snort* *giggle* *choke*

• V
Did you ever watch Veggie Tales?: Never, but I have the feeling I may in the future…

• W
What's your worst habit?: My brother says it's my sarcasm. Can’t imagine where he got that idea at.
What do you want right now?: *cough* Someone, um, I mean someTHING I can’t have…

• X
Have you ever had an x-ray?: Tons!
Ever used a Xerox machine?: Duh! Who hasn't?

• Y
Do you like the color yellow?: Nope.
What year were you born in?: 1974
Do you yell when you're angry?: Yeah. In several languages.

• Z
Do you believe in the zodiac?: Depends on what it’s telling me. LOL

Six lasts:
6. last dream: Heh heh heh…
5. last beverage: Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf iced mocha
4. last phone call: Albie
3. last text message: My Cowboy
2. last time you cried: I’m pregnant! Answer that your damn self!
1. last time you hugged someone? A few hours ago when I dropped Bucky off at daycare…

Who thinks up these questions anyway?
~Ali

Random Junk...

2007-07-10T12:13:00.000-07:00

1. Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion?
Without a doubt…

2. What would you do if you opened up your front door to a dead body?
Shrug my shoulders and call my brother.

3. Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didn't?
Not recently.

4. Have you ever fallen down a set of stairs?
*snort* Need you even ASK?

5. Ever found more than a dollar in a random place?
Yeah baby…

6. Does someone close to you smoke cigarettes?
DUH!

7. Everybody knows:
That to mess with me is to get your butt kicked.

8. When a friend walks out of your life, do you go after them, or let them go?
Why’d they leave? Were they bleeding when they went?

9. Do you still live at home?
Um, well… it’s not the street so yeah…

10. Last time you smiled?
I'm smiling right now. :)

11. What do you do when a telemarketer calls?
Threaten them with bodily harm and then gently hang up.

12. Would life be the same without alcohol?
*cough* Alcohol? What makes you think I drink? *innocent eyes*

13. Who do you have a crush on?
…shhhh… noone’s supposed to know about Billy!

14. Have you had "the best night of your life?"
Of course. Several. Recently too.

15.Do you know anyone by the name of Dennis?
Yeah, why? Does he owe you money?

16. Where is your brother right now?
Pacing the floor, waitin’ on his woman.

17. Name five things you did today?
1. Showered
2. Cleaned my guns
3. Fed the kid
4. Threatened some unruly subordinates
5. Cuddled my honey.

18. What are you listening to?
Tracy Byrd (shhh… don’t tell the Cowboy…)

19. What do you smell like?
Baby powder. Thanks a lot, Rory.

20. Have you ever done a Chinese fire drill?
Yeah. In a tank too.

21. Are you married?
Yup.

22. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
Real or adopted? Avoid the real siblings but love my adopted brother. Talk to him daily.

23. Can you play an instrument?
Sure can. Up for some bagpipes?

24. Do you like fire?
Fire! Fire! Fire! Huh huh huh huh…. *snort*

25. Best friend?
Absolutely! Married to one of ‘em.

26. Have you ever been to a spa?
Not my thing…

27. Do you miss someone?
Yeah, I do Cowboy…

28. Do they miss you?
He’d BETTER!

29. Ever been stuck in an elevator?
*grins evilly* Yeeeeaaaaah…

30. What does your dad call you?
Damnit, Allyson! *rolls eyes*

31. What does you hair look like right now?
Um, you’d rather not know. I’ve got helmet hair. LOL

So, are you sorry you asked?
~Ali

Blake Needs…

2007-06-22T10:11:00.000-07:00

How does she convince me to do this kinda crap? Oh, yeah, I forgot about that…

Well, here it is… what Blake needs.

Blake needs…

…to mentally break through against tough Aussie (huh? What’s Keith Urban gotta do with this?)
…an alternative to using the standard joystick (Oh. My. God. Don’t let Ali read this… PLEASE… I can hear her already…)
…a lawyer (what did I do NOW?)
…shades (heeeeeyyy…)
…to hit the salon (is my hair THAT bad?)
…to think outside the beatbox (maybe next album…)
…your votes (hell yeah!)
…to really pay attention to his singing voice (ya’ll trying to tell me something?)
…to be concentrating on a dangerous situation (isn’t that what I got Cookie for?)
…a shower (*sniffs armpits* nah, I’m good…)

What I think Blake REALLY needs is to stop goofing off and listening to his wife’s silly suggestions. But that ain’t gonna happen as long as she’s around. Hey, I may be pathetic, but I am honest.

Huh. I wonder what Billy’s doing…

~Blake

Rory Needs…

2007-06-22T09:43:00.000-07:00

So, now I got to thinking, what does RORY need? Not a lot, I’m sure. A clean diaper, a bottle… his stuffed bass. Nope, apparently NOT…

Rory needs…

…to get to Australia (well, okay, but he IS only seven months old…)
…to find her way (again, see above)
…a break (why? What does he do all day?)
…needs to learn she can’t have everything she wants (AMEN to that, but I think it’s gonna be awhile on that one…)
…an advocate in the U. S. Senate (holy shit…)
…to grow up a lot (well, DUH)
…to get out now (where’s he gonna crawl too?)
…to make her own mistakes (well, yeah HE does)
…to trust her (is this really an issue right now? And who is her anyway?)
…to find someone who comes from a family that’s more down to earth (than what? His own? Amen and Hallelujah to that one! *snort*)

I think Rory’s needs are much more fun than mine. LOL I wonder if I can get Blake to do this now… Hmmm… *scratches head* Gawds only know what HE’LL come up with…

~Ali & Rory Lane

Ali Needs…

2007-06-22T09:23:00.000-07:00

Well, Scarlett suggested I do this and since I’m stuck on desk duty until Cowbaby gets here, I figure why not, right? So, I guess, what you do is this: You Google your name and the word needs, all in quotes, then make a list of what you find. Here goes…

What does Ali need (besides a nap)?

Ali needs…

...a passport photo (nope, sorry, got one already)
…his gloves (checks calendar, nope still June…)
…a sig (NOW we’re talking… been tellin’ Cowboy I need a new gun LOL)
…knee surgery (let’s HOPE not, it seems to have healed okay…)
…a real challenge (holy crap! Aren’t Cowboy and Rory enough of one?)
…the data (that’s how my knee got cracked up in the first place you knucklehead!)
…a way more sweeping song than this (what? What’s wrong with Brad Paisley?)
…volunteers who can bake dog biscuits (WTF? She don’t even got a dawg lol)
…to jump off something big again (I’m not even gonna comment… NOPE… not gonna)
…THERAPY! (finally, something I can agree with…)

So, now you’re supposed to underline those that are true. Well, for those of you who know me, you know I’m unable to follow directions. It’s so much more fun to just add running commentary as I go. LOL

Okay… so that killed um, like five minutes. Thanks, Red… I needed that. NOT! Oooh… but now I have an idea…. What is it? Stay tuned…

~Your Bored Ali

Sexiest Man?

2007-06-17T15:35:00.000-07:00

Crappy magazine. Let’s the fans vote on who THEY think is the sexiest man. Hmph. My poor, sexy cowboy didn’t even make the Top Ten. What were these people thinking? Naming Toby #1. HAH, I say. HAH!

But then, I’m thinking I just might be biased. But, then again, maybe not…

How can Kenny or Vince be cuter, hotter, or sexier than MY man? Huh? I just don’t get it. They don’t have his blue, blue eyes and ‘guess-what-I’m-thinkin’-now’ smile. Or those luscious kiss me lips. Gary’s got some nice hair, but nothin’ like my Cowboy’s unruly, rumpled curls. And Keith or Alan? Do you think either of them have HALF my honey’s personality? Not a chance!

It’s all a popularity contest anyway. I really do suppose that the music should come first, but come on! Let’s show some originality here people! Shake things up, come on! We can do it!

Grrr…

Ah well… I guess you can’t have it all, I suppose. It just irks me to no end that it’s always the SAME men every year. And out of the Top Ten? I can count um, let’s see… three that I even think are sexy. About half are cute… but sexy? Not so much. But I voted… and I lost.

Does it count that *I* think he’s the sexiest? Probably not. Oh well… I don’t like it, but I suppose I just gotta live with it. *grumbles loudly* But I refuse to accept it.

There’s always next year, babe. I promise…

~A rather irate and unhappy Ali

What Do You Get…

2007-06-12T14:55:00.000-07:00

…for a man who has everything? Or, close enough to everything. What he doesn’t already have is easily within his reach financially. So, that leaves me with quite the predicament.

What does he get for Father’s Day now?

He’s got a new bow, a fistful of arrows and a new knife. God only knows, he does NOT need another weapon. Of ANY kind. At all. Trust me.

Hats, boots, assorted flannel shirts… tight fittin’ jeans. He’s clothed better than I am most of the time. I’m at a total loss here people.

To make matters worse, his birthday is the day after too. Now I need two things, or at least one nice thing for all he’s done lately. For not leaving me and taking Rory with him. For realizing love is stronger than pride. For one more last chance, if nothing else.

I’m still at a total loss, but I think it’ll be okay. I have a few tricks up my sleeve, pregnant or not. I’d just give him his daughter were she ready to make an appearance. Still just a bit too early for that though. Give her another twenty-seven weeks or so…

I’d better start thinking fast…

Ali, Rory & Cowbaby Makes Three… err four?

Scary Thoughts

2007-05-21T11:11:00.000-07:00

I’m still essentially bedridden for another week or so, so I’ve had quite a bit of time to sit and think lately. It must be the meds I’m on or something because the thoughts I was having this morning… Not funny at all.

First and foremost, Blake’s gonna be a daddy. Again. What the hell was I thinking? Now, don’t get me wrong, he’s a great guy and I think that, once he gets the hang of caring for an infant, he’ll be fine. And he’ll be good for the kids – firm (I hope!) but also loving and not too serious. But then, can you imagine the man in the delivery room? I have a feeling he’s gonna need his own nurse.

And then there’s school. I can just see Blake going in for a parent-teacher conference. “Yeah, ma’am, I know he’s a trouble maker and a smart mouth. He gets it from his mother.” Or this… “He was fighting? Did he win? Were there any weapons involved? Am I gonna need bail money?”

What about homework? The capital of Nevada is NOT Las Vegas, no matter how much they’d like to think so. The square root of 144 is NOT a Budweiser and a shot of tequila. Taco Bell, KFC, McDonald’s and Hooters are NOT the four major food groups.

Oh gods… I don’t even want to think about what’s going to happen when Rory and our little girl start dating. Rory might be okay but her? Heaven help me, but I think Blake AND my brother BOTH just might make their permanent home on the front porch, each with a rifle close at hand. I may just have to teach her some of my secrets so she can sneak out and have a life once in awhile.

I have a headache now. How do I get myself into these things?

~Ali

Mother’s Day

2007-05-14T13:04:00.001-07:00

Blake and his bright ideas. *hmph*

So, he surprises me totally by not only talking to me on Sunday, but by writing me a song. I don’t know how hard he hit his head, or on what, but I’m sure glad it happened. I’m tired of this emotional roller coaster we’ve been living lately. I’m thankful we have this solved because it’s only gonna get more complicated around here with me being pregnant. And naturally cranky.

Poor Blake. :)

It’s not even been twenty-four hours yet, but we are still getting along, despite the kink in his plans yesterday. He came in with Rory after I found my card, with his guitar strapped across his back. We talked, he sang his song, and then we cuddled for a bit. Once he got the bright idea for a bit more… well, that’s where the trouble started.

Blake suddenly got up and went to put Rory down for his nap. Rory’s a decent napper, so it wasn’t too hard to get him to go lie down. Mr. Sensitive then climbs back into bed with me. I knew exactly what he’d come back for but made him admit it to me first. I tend to be a snot that way.

Apparently, he’d forgotten about my broken ribs.

Needless to say, despite all the maneuvering around my knee brace and only being able to open my mouth halfway due to the slight fracture and all the lovely swelling, he’d forgotten that I was in a TON of pain and unable to take more than a shallow breath. So, in deference to all his sincere attempts at making up and being nice, I tried as best I could to give him what he needed, and wanted, and failed miserably. Sorry Charile, no go.

I felt so bad telling him no but I had no choice. When I told him to try me again in two weeks, the look on his face was priceless! I thought he was either going to break down and cry or throttle me just because. Luckily, he did neither. He just pulled himself together and fell to sleep beside me.

At least one of us got some sleep. I can’t get comfortable in any position and since being weaned off my pain meds, I just don’t have any hope. Ah, well… I can sleep when I’m dead. Until then, I have a baby to care for.

Two, truthfully.

I don’t think he’ll wait two weeks before trying again, but hey, it’s a start right? I just hope we’ve gotten off this path we’ve been trudging and onto a new one, finally. We worked too damn hard to get here; I certainly don’t want it to end here.

I’m So Dead

2007-05-10T10:37:00.000-07:00

Blake is so not happy with me. He was happy to the extent that I made it home. Alive. But after that? He’s pretty much stopped talking to me.

I guess I can’t blame him.

If anything happens to this baby I’m carrying, I think it’ll be the end of everything. He’s so ticked that he only talks to me if he has to out of fear he’s going to say something to hurt my feelings. Although, none of that stopped him from telling me he was done. With everything. As soon as I’m healthy, he’s gone.

With Rory.

I can’t let this happen. It took me too damn long to find him, and even longer to keep him. What is it about me? Why the heck can’t I keep a relationship together? The last time he told me he was done, I wasn’t sure I’d ever see him again. This time, I know I won’t.

Gods, I’m such a pathetic whiner.

I need to just get off these pain meds and get my head together. I can’t think straight doped up like this. But damn, I hurt! Oh well. I’ll hurt a heck of a lot more if he leaves me and takes that sweet little boy out of my life. I refuse to let this happen.

The question is how do I convince him I meant no harm when he won’t talk to me? Hmm… I’m going to have to think on this one. I do not give up on anything. Least of all him. I’m not about to wait on him to have a change of heart, although it’s a possibility. He loves Rory so much that I find it hard to believe he’d leave me like this. So, maybe there’s still hope.

All I know is I can’t wait on him to change his mind. I need to change it for him.

~Ali

Home

2007-05-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

Home. She’s home! Well, she’s been home for a coupla days now anyway, but this has been my first break. She’s on bed rest with a couple broken ribs, a fracture in her jaw, a dislocated knee and a ton of cuts, scrapes and bruises. Poor thing.

And a baby.

Yeah. Forgot to mention that, huh? Well, so did she.

In her defense, she took a test and it was negative, but she was still feeling crappy. I dunno why she didn’t listen to her body and went on this stupid assignment anyway. She coulda gotten herself killed. And our baby. I wanna smack her sometimes. But how can I when she does what she does to keep me safe? Me, Rory, and all the rest of the free world.

I’m in a real mess here. I’m totally ticked off at her for putting herself on the line like this, but then I’m also proud that she’d risk her life to save mine, or that of anyone else. So, whaddaya do? I sure as hell don’t know.

But wow. Another baby? What the hell am I gonna do? They’re not even gonna be eighteen months apart. Holy crap! Rory’s already a handful and he’s only six months old. What’s this one gonna be like? Especially being the spawn of me and Ali? I’m scairt.

I think it’s time to start booking my next tour. A LONG one this time.

Tim’s a-callin’ me. Seems Rory is dumpin’ oatmeal all over the floor. Go figure. He’s never done that to me. Yeah, right. And if you believe that… Oh well. Better go rescue my guitar player from that big, bad ol’ baby boy. But I s’pose I shouldn’t tease him. He has been helpin’ me since Ali can’t. I owe him for that at least.

God, give me strength…

~Blake, Rory, and Tim the Terrified…

Band on the Run

2007-05-03T09:50:00.000-07:00

Holy crap! Ali’s only been gone a day and already I’m goin’ off the deep end. Whouda thought a six-month-old kid would be so much trouble? Oh my god. I am so not ready for this.

Two of my band mates, Tim and Randy offered to help me out while she was gone. So has her soon-to-be sister-in-law. But Jo works during the day so it’s been us boys all day. And oh god… Randy’s already bailed on me. The whiner. Gets puked on once and he’s out the door. Freakin’ pansy.

Tim’s been better. But, he’s been hangin’ out with me for a long time now. He says that if I can puke on him and not gross him out, Rory’s not gonna do it. I think he gets diaper duty next. We’ll see what grosses him out.

ALI COME HOME!

Okay. Feel better now. Oh no. He’s crying. Again. Just crawled on over and started tuggin’ at my pant legs. What now? He just ate. He’s doesn’t stink. Think, Blake, THINK!

Huh. Imagine that. He wants to be held. I think he’s tired. I know I am. Couldn’t sleep knowing he was down the hall and I didn’t have Ali to cover my ass. Yeah… put your little head down.

My god. This kid gets into everything! Drooled on my damn guitar. Tried to eat my picks. Did eat my new song. Been pukin’ paper all morning. Dumped the clothes off the bed and onto the floor. Puts every damn thing he finds in his mouth. Why didn’t she warn me?

Awwwwwww…

Shh… he’s sleeping. *beams with fatherly pride* He’s so cuuuute! I guess I can do this after all. Don’t suppose I have much choice, do I?

~Blake

Hell's Bells

2007-04-24T13:33:00.000-07:00

My mood today is pretty crappy. I crawled out of bed and managed not to wake Blake up. That’s a first. He usually cracks an eye when I drag myself out of his arms and makes an attempt to sweet-talk me back into bed with him. I can’t tell you how hard it is some mornings to tell him no.

Like today.

But I knew I had to work, and I knew too, that it was finally time to take fate into my hands. My appointment with Dr. Eddie *cough* Sorry, with Dr. Steele, had been cancelled and rescheduled for ten days from now since it ‘wasn’t an emergency’. Well hell’s bells. I think it’s an emergency. Knowing whether I’m pregnant or not sure as hell qualifies in my book.

But I digress. Since my appointment was cancelled yesterday, I stopped on my way home last night and bought a test. Better than nothing, right? And I haven’t had one lie to me yet.

So, picture this: me sneaking around the bedroom at four in the morning, praying he stays asleep long enough for me to take this damn pee test and get it over with. For better or for worse. Once I’d dug it out of it’s hiding place, off I went.

I was wrong. I was disappointed. Not half as disappointed as I would have been a month ago, but disappointed all the same. I got one lousy line. ONE!

Negative.

We still have Rory, and I love that little boy, mine or not, but right now that just doesn’t seem like enough. I know I should give it time, we’ve only been married a couple months, but I just don’t want to wait any more. I’ve waited all my life for him, and ten long years for another chance at a baby of my own. Why should I have to wait any longer?

But that’s just me being selfish. I can wait; I just don’t want to.

I went to toss the test in the trash and thought better of it. Wrapping it in the plastic it came in, I stuffed it into my pocket and guiltily kissed my man good-bye. He gives me a half-hearted protest and falls back to sleep. For sex, he’d manage to stay awake. But not for much else.

And now here I sit, wondering what I’m going to do. I realize now that I forgot to hide the box. I just took the test. Ah, I just might have some explaining to do anyway.

But my question is this… if by some fluke of fate he doesn’t find the box do I tell him anyway? Or do I protect him from the disappointment he felt the last time by not saying a word? I’d never seen such hurt as I did that afternoon all those months ago. I don’t ever want to hurt him like that again.

So, what’s my best option? I sure as hell don’t know.

~Ali

Wow

2007-04-21T20:26:00.000-07:00

Interesting. Sitting here catching up on some paperwork and listening to the radio. Lady DJ just made a comment about how my Cowboy is apparently no longer dating his ex-psycho, Leslie.

Huh.

Imagine that. Never figured a ring and a child to stop a man from seeing a girl.

*snort*

Color me surprised. And sarcastic; I know him better than that. Just thought the DJ’s observation amusing since they’ve been apart for quite some time now. Let’s try about as long as *I* have been *in* his life.

Gotta love the media. Always a day late and a dollar short. *laughs* I guess it doesn’t help that he’s been keeping our marriage – and most certainly his child – on the lowdown.

I guess we could always add snotty to my list of traits.

~Yours Always, Sarcastic, Snotty, and Surprised, Ali

Men

2007-04-20T15:56:00.000-07:00

So, now we have a baby in the house. Wow.

After delivering Cowboy’s ex-wife to the airport, the three of us spent a few days at my sometimes home in Nevada before packing up and returning to DC, where I needed to be so I could go back to work. I begged a couple extra days off so we could go furniture shopping and, considering the situation, they let me.

Blake managed to find a really nice oak set: cradle, crib, dresser, the whole shebang, that he shelled out a small fortune for. I tried to stop him, but he ignored me rather effectively. I guess it’s his way of apologizing for leaving me with his kid. I found some sheets and such, but we couldn’t agree on a bedding set. I figured that it was warm enough not to worry about and that I could go looking once he hit the road again.

No such luck.

I came home from work after my first day back, to find Blake, on the couch, grinning up at me. Curious, I asked him what he was so happy about. His only answer was, “Follow me.”

So. I follow him back to our son’s new room and almost wet myself laughing. Sometime during the day, he’d managed to go out, baby in tow, to find a freakin’ camouflage bedding set. Green everywhere. Add to the bedding, a camo lampshade, a deer-shaped nightlight and a stuffed bass. And this from the man who told me he was going to burn every green article of clothing I owned.

Why me?

He also found an entire camo outfit for Rory, shirt, pants, hat and socks. Then, then he informs me he’s ordered wooden deer for the walls. They’ll be here in a week. Hell, why not, right? All the kid’s missing is a freakin’ tree stand to sit in when he’s bored.

Guess I’m going to be painting the nursery walls green next weekend.

Huh? What was that? Oh gods…

I’ve just been informed that he’s also ordered tree camo wallpaper. *smacks head into desktop*

Now I’m really dreading my doctor’s appointment next week. I don’t think the world is ready for two mini-Blakes.

Falling

2007-04-16T15:54:00.000-07:00

I sit and watch as he moves around the room. I often wonder why he’s still here. He’d had better options by far. The one that came before me was younger, prettier, and more in tune with what he did on a daily basis.

She knew his need for freedom; how he couldn’t stand to be held back, even if he was being held in the grip of love. She knew how his only schedule could be complete chaos, while I have a need for more stringent timeframes. She knew and understood the rowdiness, the drunkenness, the obnoxious little boy attitude.

She was anything but right for him, she was straight-up wrong for my Cowboy, but she had so much more to offer him than I do. She was living his dream right alongside him while I can’t ever grasp how it feels to be who he is. Can’t let go enough to allow him to be truly free.

Me, I want to shake him silly, snap him into reality. Make him grow up and be the man I know he can be. I need him to be the man he’s hiding.

But as I sit here, with his son in my arms, I understand that that is not who he is. And it’s not who I want him to be. How could I? That’s not the man I fell so helplessly for.

I can see him looking at me now, wondering how long I’ve been watching him. He has no idea how often I do this, how much I sit and stare and wonder and dream. About him and who he could be; about who he really truly is.

The more I watch; the more I understand. The more I understand; the harder I fall.

I live my life in a constant state of falling… falling in love over and over again.

I just fear the moment I finally hit bottom.

~full of Mixed Emotions,
Ali

Holy Frak Batman!

2007-04-16T12:24:00.000-07:00

Oh my god… Blake goes missing for two weeks only to reappear last night with a SIX MONTH OLD IN TOW!! I mean I’m glad he’s still breathing and all, but what next? Really?

Turns out the baby was his and he never knew it. She never bothered to tell him either. That is, until she got tired of Mom-Duty and decided to dump it all on him.

What the hell?

So now it’s up to me to raise a child that’s not even mine. How do I get into these situations? When I signed on for this relationship, I knew I’d be raising him and possibly any kids we might have… but his ex-psycho-girlfriend’s baby? Hell no.

But here I am, with little Rory Lane in my lap, and I can’t help but love him. He’s a sweet baby with a pleasant temperament. He has his daddy’s big blue eyes and irresistible smile. And hell, he is just a baby. None of this drama is his fault.

And again… how do I get stuck in these situations? If my Cowboy had a normal job, this wouldn’t be such a big deal. We could work something out… But, he’s on the road close to 300 days a year. How am I supposed to do this alone?

Damn him anyway.

*sigh*

And now I think I may be pregnant too. God help me, I think I need my head checked.

Mama, aka Ali

What the Hell?

2007-04-15T15:07:00.000-07:00

It's been almost two weeks... and no word from my Cowboy. I know that his schedule is hectic, but he always makes time to at least send me a text message with "I'm still breathing" or something similar so I at least know...

But it's been two weeks with nothing. I called after a few days just in case. No answer. I've left a few messages and still nothing. And now I'm starting to get worried.

And that's not a good thing by any means.

I'm not a worrier by nature. The damn government bred that out of me a long time ago. I only worry about now and not then or tomorrow. There's no use. Yesterday is past and I'll only see tomorrow if I'm lucky.

Sooo...

Back to Blake. What's he up to now? And the real question...

Should I be worried?

Your confused Ali

WooHOO!

2007-03-26T11:37:00.000-07:00

Finally, finally, FINALLY!

And no, I’m not excited just because I finally got laid either. *snicker*

I think that knock-down drag-out Blake and I suffered a couple weeks ago really was progress. He made the effort to go to my favorite taco shop for dinner, got all my usuals, and had them ready for me when I showed up. We talked, we apologized, we even teased.

I’m not sure it’s all ‘fixed’ or that it ever will be, but I’m home again, I’m happy, and he’s on his best behavior. I think there’s hope. And that’s all I need.

Oh, and the sex ain’t all that bad either. *snort*

But, I’ll spare you all the gory details of my sex life. All I can say is… YUM. And now? Now, I’m going back to bed for some um, sleep. Yeah, that’s it. Sleep.

~Your Very Happy Ali and her Cowboy (who is also *extremely* happy…)

Is It Progress?

2007-03-22T11:49:00.000-07:00

Or is it Memorex?

Saw Blake last night for the first time since we split up four weeks ago. He and I have made a lot of headway the last few weeks, but still have a long haul ahead. I know now that we should’ve waited to see each other.

We’ve been talking three or four times a week, trying to fix whatever it is we seem to have. It started out slowly, with short conversations. Quickly, we got back to our normal ‘oh-my-god-is-it-really-that-late-already’ kind of calls. It’s been nice being able to talk like adults again, so when he asked me to come see him, I was all for it.

It was too soon.

Everything started out great. Dinner, some good talk, and he made me take my rings back. I thought that was a good sign. It should have been a good sign.

But then, all the old insecurities, the old jealousies reared their ugly heads.

Cheating. I’ve never cheated on him and, as far as I know, neither has he. But, the simple fact that we got together for the first time while he was with someone else makes him wonder why I wouldn’t do it again. He tends to forget that I was single when we did that however…

Fame. His, not mine, obviously. When we met, who he was, was the farthest thing from my mind. All I could see was this funny, handsome man with an amazing voice. I fell in love with his smile and then, later, his sense of humor. His wallet hasn’t ever even entered the picture.

Male Pride. He’s afraid that I’m just biding my time, looking for someone better. Or that I’m going to go back to what I had before. Three words on that one: not freakin’ likely!

It takes everything I have not to slap him silly sometimes. I love him. I married him. Why would I want anyone else? Well… you know what I mean. So, I think we took three steps backwards last night. I just hope his stupid pride will let him see that I am making an effort. That if he just opens his eyes and takes a chance, we might just be able to work this out.

We’ll see. Let’s just hope we don’t end up in Brokenheartsville.

Oh wait, that’s Joe Nichols, isn’t it…

~As Always, Ali

Oh Gods… What Next?

2007-03-22T11:08:00.000-07:00

*sometime the next morning*

Crap, crap, crap!!

Red and I went out last night to loosen up and try and make things right. She’s still vowing revenge against Billy for sleeping with me, and I guess I can understand that. Knowing I was in absolutely no shape to be driving, I had a friend take me back home with him. So, he and his roommate put me up for the night.

Trouble is, Blake was home when I came stumbling in this morning. And he was pissed. He wasn’t even supposed to be in TOWN let alone home. And despite swearing on my life that it was all on the up and up, the minute he heard what she did…

I guess I ought to tell you now that she found a really cute blue-eyed cowboy to take her home. He was just gorgeous. And friendly as can be. Turns out, Blake knows him. OY! So, when she called to tell me about her night…

…well, he freakin’ flipped. Yelling, screaming, waving his arms – you name it, he did it. Eventually, he accused me of finding someone too and asked for his key back. Threw me out of the house and wouldn’t even let me get a spare set of clothes. Reluctantly, I gave him his key back. And his ring. And now I suppose I ought to prepare for the divorce that’s coming.

*sobs loudly*

How did this happen? As I sit here in my little room on base, I wonder how I managed to get kicked out of my house for not actually doing anything. *sighs* I don’t know. I can’t wrap my head around it at the moment. I’m not sure I want to, either.

I don’t know what to do. Help!

~Sad and confused, Ali

Revenge Is Sweet…

2007-03-22T11:06:00.000-07:00

...or so they tell me. It’s been two weeks and Scarlett’s still upset over what happened while she was on assignment. I guess I can’t blame her. After all, I doubt I’d have been as calm as she was after finding out her best friend had slept with her boyfriend.

Although, that’s another story in itself.

I think I’m going to drag her out tonight for some fun. Get her out of this funk and back to herself. I need to do something. She’s not mad at me anymore, but I still feel like hell over what happened. I need to find a way to be sure we’re cool so I can get on with my life again.

I’m thinkin’ that drinks at Hangers might be in order…

The only trouble is, she feels that Billy needs to ‘pay’ for what he did. I agree, but I’m not sure what she has in mind. I guess that means I’m just along for the ride then? Guess it’s a good thing Blake’s not around this week. Could turn into a long night…

~Ali

Deep Breaths

2007-03-21T14:17:00.000-07:00

*Several Hours Later*

Okay… deeeep breaths, Ali, deep breaths.

Here’s the situation:

Blake comes home, best friend Billy in tow. Blake makes margaritas for one – ME. I get trashed off his sabotaged maggies, they haul me off and have their merry way with me.

Now, knowing my Cowboy and knowing his friend, and liking his friend, I normally wouldn’t be so up in arms about this whole situation. I would’ve much rather been sober, but hey, you know… But, and this is a biggie: BILLY IS DATING MY BEST FRIEND! WTF were THEY thinking?

I trust Blake, more than any man in a long, long time, but this was just dumb. Why me? Why now? And I still don’t know what I’m gonna tell Red. *sigh* I think I’m gonna have to show up bearing a bottle of tequila.

Add to all this, the fact that I’m now stuck at work, sore, tired and half-drunk still. Crap. And now they’re yelling at me. Let’s just hope they’re telling me to go home and not sending into lockup. Shhhh… I wasn’t ever here…

~Ali

What Was I Thinkin’?

2007-03-21T14:16:00.001-07:00

Holy crap… What was I thinking is right! Damn Blake and his freakin’ margaritas anyway! If they’d only asked… Just ASK boys…

*beats head into desk narrowly missing keyboard*

Now what am I going to tell Shana? I think she might just murder me. The alcohol is no excuse. She’ll hate me for what happened. And if I’m the reason they split up?

Oh gods… I need a paper bag.

~One Freaked Out Ali

Jail Time…

2007-03-19T13:42:00.000-07:00

Oh, but it was soooo worth it. *snort*

That stupid little chit that Blake had been dating showed up at Hangers tonight. Why, I’ll never know. Unless she was looking for a leatherneck or other military-type man, she had no reason to be where she was.

And she certainly didn’t have any reason to get in my face.

I can guarantee that it’s the last time she’ll ever do that, at least. You can call me a cow, a bitch, hell, I’ll even put up with whore. But you just do not, and I mean do not, call me a home wrecker. I’ve already had one marriage that ended badly – I’m certainly not gonna go wreck someone else’s. And I’m no man-stealer either.

He left her for me. But hey, how’s that my fault? And it’s not like he just packed up and came to my bed. It took months before he made the decision, and that was only after he had reason to believe she was screwing around on him. And she calls me the whore. Go figure.

Ya know, I hate beating down on a girl half my size but she took the first swing. I took the last. End of story. Or it should have been, had her two male boy toys not gotten involved. Red’s happy – as soon as they jumped in, so did she. She’d been itching for a fight. Guess I had been too, now that you mention it.

Anyhow… now I’ve got a handful of bruised knuckles, some pending disciplinary action and the headache from hell. But I’ve also got satisfaction. Dumb cow won’t bother me again.

I just hope my Cowboy doesn’t decide to strangle me when he’s home next. And I guess it’s a good thing too that Duke knows us so well. I think we might just get off with some cleaning detail instead of some real jail time…

~A Rather Amused, if Subdued, Ali

Gotta Love Vegas

2007-03-19T11:59:00.000-07:00

Thought I’d surprise my Cowboy a few weeks ago and visit the City of Sin, also known as my real home, at the same time. I imagined us having fun, drinking, goofing off, being young people in love.

WRONG!

Once the shock of seeing me had worn off, he suggested we take the plunge. Yup, that’s right. Only three weeks after the proposal, he’s suggested we go ahead and get married. We were in Vegas, after all.

After a quick trip to get the marriage license and a stop for ice cream, we were ready to go. Looking back, I’m not sure it was such a smart idea, but it’s too late for that now, I think. Albie, Red, ‘Zook, Billy and Albie’s mom all managed to make it out on the short notice.

No representatives from my side of the family, thankfully. My Dad and my brothers would’ve only tried to stop us. And his family? They hate me and have been trying to break the engagement since they’d found out about it. I don’t know what he’s going to tell them now.

And so now, the fun really begins. Or so they tell me. I can’t imagine. All I do know is that it was harder to let him go this time than ever before. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! And knowing that our families don’t think we should be together only makes it more difficult. As far as I’m concerned, our being together and being happy is all that matters to me.

Ah, to just have a simple life for once…

Not gonna happen. Not ever. I think it goes against the rules of Life, the Universe and Everything, so to speak. Well, I can make it, with my boy by my side. Time to take off the rose-colored glasses, ya think? *snort* We’ll figure it out. After all, we’ve made it this far, haven’t we?

Ali

Lips of an Angel – or a Devil?

2007-03-16T11:01:00.000-07:00

I can see him sitting over there, lips pursed, concentrating on the lyrics he’s trying to write. He looks at the paper, picks up his pen, scribbles, and then slams the pen back down again. He’s having a hard time getting it just right today. Frustrated, he’ll pick up his guitar, strum a bit and then repeat the whole process. I can’t help but laugh; he looks like such a kid in his t-shirt and ball cap, unshaven face the only thing marking his true age.

Ah, but those lips… nothing boyish about them.

My Cowboy has to have the most amazing mouth I’ve ever seen on a man. I’m obsessed I admit it. I can’t help but stare when he’s not looking. Wide, pink lips that just beg to be kissed. Sweet, deep dimples. Beautiful, white teeth that he loves to show off with that smile of his.

And that smile is enough to make me weak in the knees.

He smiles with absolute abandon. His smile reflects his fun-loving attitude, his outlook on life – all or nothing. You either get teeth and dimples or these two beautiful lips relaxing against one another, comfortable with their place in life. He lives his life in the same manner. Which is why I love him so much. You never have to wonder what you’re going to get with him – it’s always right there for you to see.

But then, that’s also why I want to murder him most days.

Ah, he must have found the right words, finally. He’s smiling again; bobbing his head in time to music only he can hear. For now, anyway. Before the day is out, I’m sure I’ll be hearing it too. I can almost hear his melodic voice floating over the guitar, from his lips to my heart. Will it be words of love today or something else? He loves nothing more than a good, old fashioned drinking song. With my Cowboy, you never can tell.

That’s all just part of his charm.

I can’t wait to hear what he’s come up with today. I try to be patient while he’s writing but I live for those moments when he perches on the coffee table, guitar in hand, hair standing on end, and sings the latest piece for me. Then I can watch his mouth move, forming words, making those beautiful sounds, and he never suspects. And I never have to explain either; I just get to watch and dream…

And of course, he reaps the rewards later. Still, he’s content thinking it’s the music that does it to me. If he only knew… I wonder if he’d sing to me more often if he did?

~A Dreamy Ali

Makin' Plans

2007-02-22T11:15:00.000-08:00

Well, now that I’ve got the ring… I need a wedding. Lol. This ought to be fun. Cowboy’s always on the road, singin’ his songs and I’m not exactly a girlie girl. *sigh* I hope he knows what he’s getting into…

Hmm, is all black an acceptable color scheme for a wedding?

No? Oh, okay…

But seriously, what do I do? He won’t be free for months and we have to do this before hunting season starts or it’ll be another two months… On second thought, what have I gotten myself into?

Good thing I’ve got friends. We’ll figure it out. Eventually. Red and I know each other well enough not to have to ask. And we can always recruit Jo, Albie’s now steady girl. I think that might work. So, whatcha think? September? Works for me.

Ali

Two Steps From Paradise

2007-02-19T11:42:00.000-08:00

Well, now that my Cowboy’s gotten the hardest part out of the way – the proposal – and I took care of the easiest part – the response – we only have two things keeping us from a nice, happy life together.

His family.
My family.

His family shouldn’t be too hard. They’ll hate me, but they’ll gripe and pitch a fit and then let him do what makes him happy. If this weren’t true, would he be playing music for a living? Not likely. They may never come to like me, but I have a feeling they’ll at least tolerate me, for his sake, if nothing else.

My family, on the other hand, is not going to give in that easily. My brothers are going to hate him for being a hick. Think him inferior for not being a college graduate. My parents are going to reject him based on the fact that his family is just not up to par with them. But then again, neither am I. Any wonder why they abandoned me to jet set around the world? And I can guarantee you that no one will ever learn to tolerate Blake.

But I digress.

My family is full of snobs, old money that has more of it than they know what to do with it. They all have cushy jobs. Mostly with the government, but one brother does work in the civilian sector. But again, a cushy job there.

Oh well. All of the above are why none of my family is being invited to the wedding.

Ali

Post Valentine's Day Bliss

2007-02-14T13:14:00.000-08:00

Lost in this moment with you
I am completely consumed

Ali looked up at Blake and smiled. He’d fallen asleep not even halfway through the movie. She knew he was a goner when he propped his feet up on the coffee table and taken his hat off. Knowing she now had the right to mercilessly tease him about this later, she readjusted the pillow in his lap and snuggled back down.

Turning her eyes back to the TV, she watched the silly comedy he’d picked out and pressed her cheek into his thigh. This sort of thing was so like him it wasn’t even funny. Insisting on watching a silly movie she’d seen a hundred times. Then falling asleep. Then, later, he’d deny it all with a glint in his eye. Knowing this, she often wondered if he had a serious bone in his body. Until recently, she wouldn’t have believed it.

Not until last night.

My feelings so absolute
There’s no doubt

She looked at her hand resting lightly on his knee. Still amazed at the ring that resided there, she sighed, content. How did they get here anyway? It seemed like ages ago that she’d first looked into those big blue eyes and fell for him. But then, when she remembered it at times like these, it was as close as yesterday. It had taken so long to find her place in her arms, but it all happened so fast.

Does that make any sense?

Remembering how distraught he was last night, how scared he was to even ask, she supposed it made perfect sense. At least, when you consider the source it did.

She’d thought the attraction was one-sided for a long time. Then, when she began to notice him noticing her, she figured it was nothing more than mutual lust. But that first time…

The first time he touched her, gently, smoothing her hair back from her face, smiling that trademark smile, she knew that for her, it was more. Much, much more. And that she’d been forever changed by her time with him. No matter how brief it might be.

Even if he never felt the same way.

Sealing our love with a kiss
Waited my whole life for this

Blake stirred, shifting on the couch, getting more comfortable. Briefly opening one eye, he watched her turning her ring over, letting it catch the light. Opening his mouth to tease her for doing what she considered a silly thing, he found his heart caught in his throat. Unable to speak, he just observed her actions.

She held her hand out, spreading her fingers, admiring the way the ring looked on her hand. Turning her hand over, palm up, she studied the way the platinum band fit around her ring finger. Smiling dreamily, she brought her hand back in, wrapping it around his thigh in a subtle hug.

Suddenly, he couldn’t breathe; his thoughts were in a jumble. Looking down at her, head resting in his lap, eyes slowly giving in to the need for sleep, he knew he’d made the right decision last night. He knew, more than ever, that he needed, wanted her by his side. Always. He brushed his fingers lightly across her cheek. That lazy smile he was so fond of crossed her face with the gentle touch.

“You missed the movie, lover.”

“I know,” he confessed. “But watching you is so much better. He skimmed his fingers through her dark hair, exposing more of her face to his gaze. “I think it’s bedtime.”

Sitting up, she agreed. She stretched; arms in the air, letting one fall on the back of his neck when she was done. Gently scratching his neck, she leaned in for a kiss.

“Just one,” he murmured, pressing his lips against hers. “And one more.” He kissed her again, pulling her into his lap. “And now, it’s really time for bed. He proved his point with a not-so-subtle yawn.

Watching all my dreams come true
Lost in this moment with you

Blake stood, lifting her in his arms and carried her down the hall. Ali looped her arms around his neck, snuggling her face against his skin. Too tired to care, she slipped her jeans off and crawled into bed in his borrowed shirt. She watched him undress, tossing clothes to the floor haphazardly. He climbed in beside her, pulling her back to his chest, holding her.

Placing a chaste kiss on her neck, he whispered, “Sleep well, Cookie. I love you.”

She smiled against his forearm. “Love you too, Cowboy.” She closed her eyes and dreamed. Dreams of him, and her, together.

Lost in this moment with you

Un-Valentine's Day

2007-02-08T08:16:00.001-08:00

Oh boy. *she says in her best Sam Beckett voice*

It’s that time of year again. You know what I mean. That holiday that turns every woman into a gibbering idiot and gives the men a reason to act like one? Little fat cherubs with blushing pink cheeks flying around causing trouble, shooting arrows and crap?

Yeah. That day.

Now, I’m not a scrooge, bah-humbug-get-outta-my-face kind of girl, but then, I’m not Aphrodite either.

Why should your man have to prove to you on one particular day that he cares? Shouldn’t this be an ongoing, daily thing? Or at least weekly? I’d like to think so. I know that if my cowboy doesn’t at least call to say hi every now and then, he gets his butt whupped. But then, he’s another story. This is what kills me…

Why is it that you’ve been seeing this man for eighteen months or so and he often calls just to see how your day is going. Other times, he surprises you with a CD by your favorite artist or a new book you’ve been meaning to buy. And then other times he treats you to a night out or something else equally special. Never anything major, but always enough.

So, why is it you go ballistic when he forgets that one holiday? Or, he does remember but doesn’t go whole hog like your friend’s boyfriend? You just got a card and a nice home-cooked meal that, for once, you didn’t have to clean up. She got diamond earrings and a night on the town.

What you conveniently forget is that her boyfriend never calls. She is the one to plan all their dates. She is the one waiting on him all the time. He remembers her only three times a year – those three events where he’s required to: birthday, Christmas, and this dreaded one.

So, why are you whining?

It’s started here already. People pairing up, or attempting to. The whispers, the secrets, the planning. I hate that my Blake isn’t going to be around, but that’s how it works. At least he won’t feel pressured into competing with these dopes around here, each trying to outdo the other for the sake of one night of fun. We can celebrate later on. Maybe in March. Yeah, that sounds good to me.

But then, he loves to surprise me.

I guess we’ll have to wait and see. Either way, I know how he feels about me and I’ve made my feelings more than clear. He knows that a simple call means more than diamonds or gold. Although, chocolate is always a nice supplement…

*cough*

Sorry. Mind wandered there a bit. But seriously, when you know and he knows why does it matter so much? Should it? Not to me, it doesn’t. I have my man; he cares, and lets me know it. Do I need all the hype? No. Are presents nice? Hell yeah, but they’re not needed. I’d rather see that look in his eyes when we’ve been apart for too long. Or the smile on his face after an afternoon walking in the park.

That’s what it’s all about.

Ali

Sugar Sugar

2007-01-30T09:55:00.000-08:00

Ah, the power of advertising. See what happens when I try and make my Cowboy happy? *sigh* This is the LAST time I buy something just because I see it on TV...

Ali

“What the hell is on your mouth?” he asked, moving in for a closer look.

“New stuff to go over your lip gloss. Makes your lips all sparkly. And sexy.”

He looked more closely at her lips and shook his head. “Sorry. I prefer non-sparkly lips.” Tilting her chin up with one hand, he leaned in for a kiss. “But, I’ll take a kiss anyway.”

They both looked up as Scarlett entered the room. “Hey you two. What’s… Blake?”

“Yeah?”

“Why are your lips sparkly?”

Frantically, he wiped at his lips. “See?” he asked Ali. “THIS is why I don’t like that crap!” He continued to rub at his lips.

Ali hid her smile behind one hand; Scarlett didn’t even TRY to hide her amusement. “Ah, but babe,” she giggled, “it makes my lips sooo purty! See?” She turned to Scarlett and pointed at her mouth. “It has a sugary, iridescent pearl powder that decorates my lips with a crystal-cut faceted effect. And it’s available in 5 candy-like colors.” She grinned, having practically recited the blurb on the package verbatim.

Blake continued to rub at his mouth. “Too bad the nasty stuff didn’t TASTE like candy…”

“Can’t have that Blake,” Scarlett teased. “Otherwise we’d never pull you off her.”

“Yeah,” Ali agreed. “Do they make Whopper-flavored lip gloss?”

“Just go away,” he muttered.

“So, he doesn’t like sparkly lips…” Scarlett began.

“Yeah,” Ali murmured, catching on quickly. “Mind sparkles anywhere else?” Blake just gaped at them, not believing what he’s hearing. “Nah, I bet not,” she continued. “Blake’s not into sparkles. Here, Scarlett,” Ali dug into her pocket, pulling out the new Sugar Sugar Lip Topping she’d bought that morning. “I bet Billy’d appreciate sparkly… lips.”

“Yeah,” Scarlett agreed. “I BET he would!” Tucking the container into her left front pocket, she walked out the door. “Meetcha at HQ.”

“Sure thing!” Grabbing a tissue from the end table beside her, she cleaned her lips of all traces of sparkly stuff. “There! All gone. Now I can kiss you goodbye.” She leaned up and pecked him on the cheek. “Better?”

His mind still stuck on the possibilities behind sparkly lip gloss… and the idea that his friend might actually find out, he shook his head weakly. “Um, Ali?”

“Not now, Cowboy. Gotta run.” She blew him a kiss and ran out the door. Closing it behind her, she grinned at Scarlett. “I think we’ve traumatized him.”

“Nah,” she grinned back, “but don’t be surprised if he’s got all five colors waiting for you when you get home tonight!”

Bad Habits

2007-01-28T16:25:00.000-08:00

I’ve been told recently that I have a lot of bad habits. I was astounded to hear this. It’s even worse when your closest friend and your boyfriend gang up on you. Not fair, I’m tellin’ ya!

Alpine started it. I was yammering on about something and he just rolled his eyes at me. When I asked him what the eye roll was all about, he simply told me I talked too much.

“Anything else?”

“Yeah, ya wanna list?”

“Sure. Knock yourself out.”

Here’s what he gave me:

Non-stop talker
Tendency to be sarcastic (Nooo, really?)
Chocoholic
Computer hog (he can get his OWN)
I never put my blankets away when I’m done

I’m still not so sure why these are such BAD things (aside from the blanket thing, but yanno…), but you know how boys are. Anyway, while I’m reading Albie’s list, Blake calls. I’m grumpy when I answer the phone.

“Why so grouchy, Cookie?” he asks.

“Albie has decided that I have too many faults.” I tell him.

“Not possible,” he tells me. “You’re perfect.” Apparently, Blake has a sarcasm problem too. At least we have this much in common.

“Not according to my dear old roommate, it’s not.” Can you blame me for getting ticked off when I hear him choke on his laughter? “So, are you telling me you have your own list?”

“Nooo, of course not, babe. Why would I be keeping track?”

Good question. His continued laughter is a dead giveaway, however. I wonder some days if I really, REALLY want to spend my life with this dork. “So?”

“So what?” he asks.

“So, what’s your list?”

“Babe, you have no faults, I told ya that already.”

“Babe,” I tell him, “I’d like to believe you but I think you’re full of…”

“BS!” Alpine chimes in from the kitchen.

“Yeah, somethin’ like that.” I concur.

My list of Blake’s bad habits?

#1 HE LIES!

Ah well, at least he’s trying. *rolls eyes heavenward*

Ali

Not Gonna Die After All...

2007-01-26T15:44:00.000-08:00

I guess that means my cowboy will be pleased? I can only hope so. It'd sure put a damper on our relationship otherwise.

Cardio thinks the other doctor may have been smoking crack to have diagnosed me as he did. No matter. At least I don't have to deal with Albie telling me to 'either die or get on with it'. According to the cardio, I'm gonna live another 100 years. Not sure if that's a good thing or not...

Speaking of Albie... looks like he's got another hot date tonight with Cute Stuff. Can't imagine where this can possibly lead, but we'll watch and see, shall we? Haven't had the pleasure to work with this chick yet, so we'll see. I saw earlier that she's on my training list for next week. sigh When can I go back to just blowing things up and shooting bad guys? Huh?

Ali

Saturday Morning Baking

2007-01-24T11:14:00.000-08:00

I used to think that baking was a snap. Something I could do that was automatic. No thinking required. I could turn on my music and get into the mode and just forget about anything but the cookies and me. And it was just that easy. Once.

Until Blake.

Blake complicates a lot of things in my life, normally in a good way, but I never thought he’d interfere with my baking. I mean, what gives? Is there anything more important to a man than food and football?

Oh yeah. Well, there is that…

So, there I was on Saturday, in my jeans and one of his cast-off t-shirts, barefoot in the kitchen. I’d melted my chocolate, creamed my butter and sugars, added the eggs and was reaching for the flour when I felt hands on my waist and lips at my neck.

I smelled cowboy.

“Morning, Blake.”

“Mornin’ Cookie,” he mumbled against my neck.

“I wasn’t expecting you out of bed so early.”

“Mmm… You weren’t there when I woke up.”

“Sorry. Had a craving for some Chewy Deep Dark Chocolate Cookies.”

“And it couldn’t wait?”

“Nope. I love you and all…”

“But?”

“But you’re not chocolate. Sorry.”

I turned back to my flour. Dipped. Measured. Dumped. Stirred. Added baking soda and salt. Stirred again. I was reaching for the hazelnuts when he whirled me around.

“So do all of your cravings get immediate gratification?” he asked, brushing his constantly growing beard (HAH – not what you thought I was gonna say, huh?) against my throat.

“Not all…” I murmured. “But most.”

“And me?”

“I dunno. Do you take care of your cravings right away?”

“I meant, am I on your list of cravings?” His tongue followed my jaw line from ear to chin.

“Usually.”

He pulled back abruptly. “Usually?”

“Sorry. I just have this uncontrollable craving for chocolate right now. I can’t explain it; it’s just there.”

Blake was then apparently rather aggravated with me because he threw his hands in the air and went back to bed. Alone. Oh well. More cookies for me. Do I still have milk? No matter.

I dumped in the nuts and chocolate chips. Stir, stir, stir. My arm was beginning to hurt. Digging out my trusty cookie scoop, I began making neat little cookie dough piles on my favorite Williams-Sonoma cookie sheets. Before long, the house began to smell delicious… just like chocolate. Mmm…

I was scooping the last of the cookie dough onto the remaining cookie sheet when I felt Blake behind me again. Turning around to scold him, I was stopped by a very chocolately tongue in my mouth. He’d obviously made a pit stop at the table before coming over. He tasted like cookies.

“Mmmph…” was all I could say. Between the feel of his body against mine and the taste of chocolate in my mouth… well, I was in heaven.

“So, am I back on the list?” he really, really wanted to know. Ask me how I figured it out. Go ahead. Ask.

No? Okay.

Where was I? OH! The story. Riiight…

“You’re at the top now, Cowboy.”

“Glad to hear it.” In one fluid motion, he bent down and scooped me up. Carried me down the hall. Had his way with me. Until…

It was the smoke detector that finally stopped us. Although, it took longer than expected to get us to budge. Good thing it was just smoke… and not a fire.

“The COOKIES!” I screamed, running naked down the hall. I flung the oven door open and got a face full of smoke. And then the crispy critters came out of the oven. The cats were cowering. The cookies were toast. I think even my plants were upset. God only knows, the cookies weren’t happy.

Blake looked over my shoulder and laughed. “I’m guessing an ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t gonna cut it, huh?”

“Nope.”

He laughed even harder. “It coulda been worse.”

“How?”

“You coulda burnt them all.”

I turned and glared. “Don’t mock the power of my cookies, pal.”

“I’ve tasted your cookies, Cookie. There is a reason you got that nickname, ya know.”

I narrowed my eyes and glared even harder at him. He just laughed at me. “Well then, I hope you have good taste memories because you ain’t gonna get to taste them again for a long, long time!”

“Threats, threats, threats…” He smiled that sexy smile at me and I couldn’t help but laugh too. “Can we go back and finish what we started now?”

“Gimme nine minutes to bake this last batch. That way we’ll have a ready-made snack.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and smirked. “Okay, but I’m timing you.”

Suffice it to say, standing in the kitchen, baking cookies in the nude… we damn near burnt that batch too.

From now on… I’m only baking alone.

Ali

Oh Mah Gawd...

2007-01-24T10:46:00.000-08:00

Albie’s got a girlfriend…

…which just might make things easier for ME anyway.

Sounds selfish, doesn’t it? But look at it this way… Albie and I live together and have for like, I dunno, forever. Mainly since my parents abandoned me to his parents when I was six. Their lifestyles weren’t exactly conducive to raising a child. Anyway…

He and I live together and, since we’re almost always out on assignment somewhere, it works. I’m home and he’s not, or whatever. It’s not often that we’re both home at the same time. Besides, I love him like a brother, and we get along well. But, there are times when it’d be nice to not have him skulking about.

Like when my ultra-hot honey is home for a few days. Which isn’t very often these days. That is the thing that makes it so hard. Um, difficult? Yeah, that’s a better word. Don’t get me wrong they get along great. Sometimes, they get along a bit too well if you know what I mean (and any girl who has a brother will understand). It’s almost scary to see the two of them playing the 360 together.

But on to Albie’s girl… she’s a cute little thing, relatively new to our outfit. Which could be the reason she actually accepted his offer of dinner. The rest of the girls all know to steer clear. He’s not a bad guy, I actually like him quite a bit, he’s just… how should I say this? Not your average man. Her name is Johanna and is a bit younger than Albie, I’m guessing. 28 or so, at least. She’s dirty blonde with grey-green eyes and really is adorable. Scarlett and I had started calling her Codename: Cute Stuff because she was just too cute, ya know? But, out of deference to Albie, we’ve stopped… at least when he’s within earshot.

My opinion? If he’s happy, I’m thrilled. But my opinion on her is still out. Red and I’ll have to stalk her a bit and see… What? At least I haven’t ever threatened his girlfriend with a gun. But Blake’s forgiven him so I guess it’s all okay…

We’ll keep ya updated.

Ali

I've Got...

2007-01-19T19:39:00.000-08:00

...too much time on my hands... (sung in her best Hall & Oates voice)

Love Notes

2007-01-19T14:46:00.000-08:00

Cowboy...

Here I sit, alone, with the rain falling down all around me. The fire is blazing and I'm snuggled in a blanket wearing your favorite flannel shirt. As I sip my hot chocolate, I wonder... where are you tonight?

Are you in some big city, dancing under the bright lights? Looking around in awe at how it's grown since your last visit?

Or are you in some Podunk town, where you're most comfortable, seeing all the local sights and wishing you were back home?

Most likely, you're still on the road, in the middle of nowhere, no destination in sight.

All I can tell you is that I wish you were here, with me, tonight. I wish I could aks you to give up the life of an asphalt cowboy and settle down. But I know that will never happen... and I'm not sure I would want it to either. You are who you are and that's why I love you. Bringing you to me and making you stay... I can't imagine what that would do... to you, to us.

So, until you return... I'll be here, waiting...

~Cookie~

Cookie,

I wish I could stay forever in your arms, but this roaming is in my blood. I want nothing more than to give you all you desire. My heart, my soul, all my love... that you already have. How much more can I give?

No, I'm not angry. Not at all. This is my life and I know you understand that. You have the same wandering soul. If only we could wander together? That's my idea of paradise.Until I'm home again, wear that flannel and think of me... I think of you often. When I wake, when I sleep, whenever I have a spare moment...

Just remember:
Until I'm back in your arms again
I'll be out here on the wind
And I'll ride
Through the middle of the night unknown
On a ride that won't let me go...

I am, after all, your asphalt cowboy...

Your loving Cowboy

Ah... What I Do...

2007-01-17T21:11:00.001-08:00

out of boredom. Heaven help me...

Anyone know where I can find a Cowboy Zwinky?

Ali

HAH! Not Dead... Yet...

2007-01-17T12:37:00.000-08:00

So, I wonder then, does that mean the doctor was an idiot or that someone's just messing with me? Get the fun task of seeing the cardiologist next Friday... makes for a fun weekend, huh?

Which reminds me... I wonder what Blake's gonna think when I tell him he can't get lucky for fear of a heart attack? Call me crazy, but I doubt he's gonna be pleased. Ah well... he'll get over it. He always does.

Albie and 'Zook are once again trying to blow things up in the back yard. *big sigh* I guess I can't blame them. How often does your pool ice over? Well, on the west coast anyway? I wouldn't be surprised if I have chunks of frozen pool water in my living room before the day is over.

I guess it's true... boys never grow up... they only get taller. And messier.

Ali

Sick, Sick, Sick...

2007-01-14T09:37:00.000-08:00

Waking up Saturday morning, I rolled over and stretched, just like every other morning. I discovered a slight stiffness in my neck and shoulders and just shrugged it off. I often wake up stiff from sleeping in kooky positions (or as payback for the positions I’d put my body into intentionally). Unfortunately, I couldn’t blame it on my Cowboy for once. So, I drug myself out of bed, figuring I’d put my grocery list together and then do some yoga to stretch myself out.

Halfway through my grocery list, I got up to get some water and was hit with an overpowering pain in my chest. It started along the base of my ribcage and up both sides and across my back. I could barely take a half-breath without igniting the pain further. I had no option but to lay down on the kitchen tile and pray to all that is holy that I wasn’t dying. As I lay there bawling, I started to shiver and shake and sweat like crazy. I felt like I was going to be very, violently ill and hoped I wouldn’t – I couldn’t get off the floor for anything. Then, suddenly, the pain was gone. After about five more minutes on the floor, I was fine. Go figure.

I got back up, finished my grocery list, and went to the store. Halfway through my shopping, it happened again, only not as severe. Odd. I called Albie, he met me at the store, paid for my groceries (gotta love my Albie), and took me home. After forcing me to lay down, he even put my food away. I may never find it again, but you know… it’s the thought that counts.

He took me to see Doc. And now the fun starts. Doc listened to the symptoms, did a few chest x-rays and an EKG. Told me he thought I was having a heart attack. NICE! Thanks, Doc! Luckily, the x-rays and EKG were both negative so we’re back to square one. No idea what’s going on. Fun. I get to fly out later in the week to see a cardiologist and go from there. So far today, I’m okay. Stiff and a bit sore, but no pain. YAY!

Will keep you updated. Hate to tell my Cowboy what’s going on. He’s gonna freak. Especially since he can’t get back here for at least three more weeks.

A very nervous,
Ali

Hmmm.... Again?

2007-01-11T12:33:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a few days, I see, but no worry - I am HERE! Were ya worried? Shouldn't be... just busy.

No ya perv, not busy like that. Although... that'd be nice... Mostly work. Darn people. Can you believe that they expect me to actually come in and work to get my paycheck? What kind of rip-off is that?

As for my cowboy, well, he's back out on the road doing his job. It'll probably be a few months before he's home again and that sucks. But... I guess I should be thankful he wants to come home. Right? Don't look at me like that. I'm just going to have to remind Red to remind her honey-bunny to bring a friend if he comes around sooner than my cowboy.

Oh, for cryin' out loud... I was only JOKING! Sheesh! What is it with you people? It's like the song says... "It took such a long time for me to find you don't make me let you go..." Do ya really think that I'm gonna screw this up intentionally? Of course not! There's too much chance that I'm gonna screw this up accidentally for me to do it on purpose!

Well just be that way then. I'm gonna go back to my book. *hmpf* If I can't have my cowboy, I'll settle for my vampires. *growls and shows fangs*

Yours grouchily,
Ali

What Makes You Think of Your Lover?

2007-01-03T16:16:00.000-08:00

Doesn’t matter if it’s your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, whatever. What makes you stop in your tracks and think about them at odd moments?

A special song?
A certain scent?
The tinkle of laughter?

Whatever it is, when you hear it, see it, smell it, stop and breathe it in, make it a part of you. You never know how much longer they’ll be with you. And those memories are what makes the hard days easier and the good days so much better.

What reminds me of my cowboy? I’ll tell ya (since ya asked):

The warm desert breeze. He always teases me about how I can get the chills in 105ºF heat.

Thunderstorms. I love to cuddle under a blanket while the rain pours down, the thunder booms, and the lighting flashes. Cuddled up with him, it’s a perfect night.

Country music. Doesn’t even matter whom. He teases me so much about my taste in music that I can’t help but think of him whenever I listen to the radio. Certain songs bring him to mind more strongly… but that’s always the way.

Hat hair. Funny as it sounds, he wears the ‘rumpled’ look so well and is never as cute as when his hair’s standing on end.

That deep, masculine laughter. You know the kind. The type of laugh that holds promise of something more intimate. More personal.

The smell of leather. His boots, his jacket, whatever. It all makes me think of him.

And then I dream. And wish.

Do you?

A melancholy,
Ali

Hmmm...

2007-01-02T10:30:00.000-08:00

So, Red's alive after all. Whoda thunk it? Not me. Not after a weekend with a hot stud.

Huh.

So then, why am I still alive then? I just had one too. A long weekend with a hot stud, that is. And not my first, either. *shurgs* Who knows and I'm not complaining.

All that I do know is that she's not made it home yet. Probably won't until later, if she's smart. Or lucky. I called her in sick. Shoulda called her in as 'rode hard and put away wet' but didn't think the higher-ups would have appreciated that one. We'd have gotten a giggle out of it though. How do they mark that kind of thing down in your personnel file anyway?

Inquiring minds...

Well, now that I know my best friend had a weekend to remember, I ought to go check on my boyfriend. I swear, he hasn't stirred in at least two hours. Better go make sure I didn't kill him.

Naaaah... a man can never have too much... ya know... Can he?

Hmmm... something else to think about. I'd try it out, but I'm not sure I wanna risk it.

Uh-oh...

I think I hear rustling of bedsheets. Better go investigate. *evil grin* If you don't hear from me for a few days... LEAVE ME ALONE!

Just kidding... I think...

Ali

Watering the Plants...

2007-01-01T16:39:00.000-08:00

Well… apparently, it was a Code Red in the truest sense since here I stand, watering Scarlett’s plants. I guess it’s only fair. She’s been watering mine enough over the last several months.

I can’t help but grin at the thought of that.

But seriously, if she doesn’t call soon, I’m gonna send a search and rescue mission out after her. I do hope she’s enjoying herself. I suppose all I can do is water her plants and wait for all the gory, um I mean, juicy details.

*sigh*

Hmmm? What’s that honey? Oh. Okay…

Being paged. Rather urgently too, it sounds like. Will check in later. If he lets me.

*insert evil grin here*

As always,
Ali

Code Red? Already?

2006-12-29T10:53:00.000-08:00

Had an interesting conversation with my cowboy last night.

“Hey Cookie,” he says. “Miss me?”

“HA! Miss you? Never!”

“Never? Not even a little?”

“Wellll… okay. Maybe a little.” He growled over the phone line and I had to smile. “Okay, okay, Cowboy, so I missed ya a lot. Happy?”

“Yup!”

“So, is there a point to this call or what?”

“Can’t I just call to say I love you?” he asked, mock hurt in his voice.

“You can but you don’t.” I grinned into the phone. “What’s up, honey?”

“I’m almost home and I wanted to see you tomorrow. You game?”

“Always but I have plans with Scarlett tomorrow.”

“Hmm. Girls’ night out?”

“Sumptin’ like that,” I replied.

“I’ve got a friend meeting me here tomorrow afternoon. What if I bring him along?”

“I dunno about setting her up with someone she doesn’t know.”

“And you keep telling me she needs to see someone other than Duke.” I could imagine him shaking his head at me right then. “So, which is it?”

“You’re right, you’re right. Lemme call her and see if she’s up to it, okay?”

“Okay.” I loved the sound of the smile in his voice. Hearing him happy never failed to make me happy too.

“One question tho…”

“Shoot.”

“What’s his name?”

“Not gonna tell you.”

“Why not?” I asked, outraged.

“Because I know I can’t trust you to keep your mouth shut.”

“Oh nice, Blake. Reeealll nice.” He was laughing on the other end. At me, no less.

“Let’s just say, the ladies think he’s great. Red’s bound to love him.”

“Okay. Guess I’ll just have to trust your taste. I mean,” I grinned at what evil thought I had in mind, “after all, you did choose me.”

“Oh heaven help me…”

“It’s gonna take more than heaven to save you from me, Cowboy.”

“I’m countin’ on it, cookie.”

“I’ll call you right back. Bye.”

“Bye, babe.”

Okay, then my call to my best friend and fellow trouble-maker went like this:

“Hey, Red. What’s up?”

“Nothing much. You’re lucky I answered the phone.”

“Duke buggin’ ya again?”

“When isn’t he?”

“Tomorrow night maybe?”

“Hah! You think he isn’t going to follow us out?”

“Not if you don’t tell him where we’re going.”

“Won’t stop him.”

“Maybe not, but Blake and his friend might.”

“Friend?”

“Yeah, he’s on his way home now and says he’s got a cute friend meeting up with him tomorrow.”

“How cute?” she asked, interested.

“Not sure. I know most of his friends but he won’t tell me who. He’s afraid I’ll spill the beans.

“Well, Blake’s pretty cute and as long as his friend’s as cute as he is, then we’ll be okay.” She paused for a moment, then continued. “But, in the meantime?”

“Yeah?”

“Details! Get me some details woman!”

We were both giggling hysterically as we hung up. I was still laughing when I made this return call to Blake:

“Okay, Cowboy, we’re on for tomorrow. On one condition.”

“And that is?”

“That you’re friend is at least as cute as you are. He can be cuter, though I’m not sure how that’s possible.” I love my cowboy, he’s such a doll. Although…

“Well, Scarlett’s gonna be disappointed then because I don’t think there’s anybody as cute as me…”

“Oh gods. This is what I get for stroking your ego.” I groaned.

“Stroking my what?”

“Ego! You’re ego, honey. Geez.”

“Oh. Yeah, that too.”

“You are horrible!”

“But isn’t that why you love me so much?”

“Sometimes I wonder.” I rolled my eyes and smiled at his incorrigible attitude. It was why I loved him so much. It made him so much more fun. But I’ll be damned if I was going to tell him that. “So, gimme details.”

“’Bout what? I thought we’d meet around eight at my place and then we could hit that new place you’d mentioned last time.”

“That sounds great, honey, but I wanted details on your friend.”

“Trying to replace me?”

“Not yet, but I’m keeping my options open.” I couldn’t hold the laugh back when I said it. “Red was curious. That’s all.”

“Hmm. What she want to know?”

“Basics. Age?”

“Thirty-three.”

“Perfect. Older, but not by much. Hair and eyes?”

“Brunette and blue.”

“Yummy. Reminds me of someone I know.” I could just feel the blush creeping up his face and neck. “How tall?”

“Um, shorter than me?”

“Duh. You’re like, I dunno, twelve feet tall or something. Try again.”

“Hey, I’m only 6’5”!” he argued.

“Only?” I asked, giggling. “How much shorter? Shorter than me? How ‘bout Scarlett?”

“Yeah, he’s shorter than you but…” his voice trailed off. He was thinking, I could tell. I could smell smoke. Even at this distance. “You know, I think he’s about her height.”

“So, about 5’9” or so. Sounds good to me.”

“Well, I’m sooooo glad you approve,” he muttered sarcastically. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah, cowboy. Tomorrow at eight. Or earlier.”
I could just imagine the evil grin spreading across his luscious mouth at that moment. “Yeah, most definitely earlier.”

“Good night, you dork.”

“Night, babe.”

So… do you know what this means? I’m going out tonight in my red high heels…

Sorry… I just COULD NOT resist.

Ali

My Roommate's Lost His Mind...

2006-12-28T10:12:00.000-08:00

He and a friend are out back trying to blow up something. I'm not sure what, and I'm afraid to ask. Hard tellin' with those two.

Albie, my roommate, is a mountaineer. He likes to climb mountains and then jump off the tops of them. Makes sense to me. David, our friend, also known to the world as Bubble Gum Brain, likes explosives. And he totally enjoys blowing things up. He once blew up my boyfriend's guitar case 'because it was ticking'. Had Dave bothered to look, he'd have noticed my Cowboy's WATCH inside the case but you know how men are...

Why me?

But I'm not sure what I'd do without either of them. They keep life um, interesting...

Ah gods... they're chasing squirrels now. Give me strength, would you? And a whole lotta patience.

I'm off to save the wildlife...

A very irritated Ali

Code Red

Um, Ooops?

The Ties that Bind… and Break Us

Uh-Boy…

In a Bad Place

Sexual Astrology

The Truth Behind the Marriage Vows

You Have (1) New…

Pathetic

What Am I Going to DO with Him?

Damn

Topless Bull Riding?

If You Only Knew the Truth...

Sigh…

When Shopping Carts Attack

Turmoil

50 Odd Things

I Love This...

Code Red

Code Red

Song #5

So, Anyway...

If I Had a Cat…

I'm Retiring

Hee Hee Hee...

Suspicious Activity Alert...

Day Four and Beyond…

Day Three

Day Two

While the Cowboy is Away…

So, Where Do I Start?

Almost Here

So, Why Did God Make Oklahoma Anyway?

Chef for Hire

Near-Hit

Mwahahahahahaha...

OY

Blake...

I've Been Wondering

It All Comes Out in the Wash…

Finally

Yeaaaah... Right!

So They Tell Me...

What WAS She Thinking?

Happy New Year

So is That Why…

Just My Luck...

Today's Thought

*Snort*

Hmm...

My Karaoke Song...

Drunk Blogging

Inconsistencies

Dreaming in the Sun

I Believe…

A-Z

Random Junk...

Blake Needs…

Rory Needs…

Ali Needs…

Sexiest Man?

What Do You Get…

Scary Thoughts

Mother’s Day

I’m So Dead

Home

Band on the Run

Hell's Bells

Wow

Men

Falling

Holy Frak Batman!

What the Hell?

WooHOO!

Is It Progress?

Oh Gods… What Next?

Revenge Is Sweet…

Deep Breaths

What Was I Thinkin’?

Jail Time…

Snort