Sigh…

But it’s sooooooo true, and Blake, you know it!

Rory, in an effort to keep Houdini from escaping yet again (won’t get into that or you might just see an offer for  a free hamster), decided to try and ‘ham-proof’ the cage. 

What?  He’s only three?  Yeah, I know.  but he is his father’s child.

I found rubber bands, paper clips, Kleenex, and a bandana, among other things, strapped, tied, and taped to the cage.  that poor little hamster.   He did his toddler best to jury rig that thing  closed. 

Too bad he doesn’t understand that’s not how she’s been getting out.

To make matters worse, Blake encourages him.  Constantly.  So, he struts around in his tiny camo pants, mini cowboy boots, and baby flannel, swaggering just like his freaking daddy, and grinning at me.  I’m so gonna be in trouble in about two years, once he starts putting real sentences together.  *sigh*   I’m counting the days until I hear him tell his sister, “Whatever, Cookie, but you OWE me…”

Why me?  Why couldn’t he have been *gasp* more like his Mama?  In this case, it’d almost be worth it.  Having Blake is bad enough when he’s on a roll.  But a Mini-Blake too?  Lawd help me.

Please?

But, on the other hand, he DOES have his daddy’s wild curls, his blue blue eyes, and that damn intoxicating smile.  *sigh*  I just can’t win, can I?

~Ali, helpless and resigned

When Shopping Carts Attack

Or, how I got arrested in Toys ‘R’ Us

I swear, no matter how hard I try to be good, the gods are working against me.

Case in point: I manage to get a few minutes away from the children (thank you Grandma Rogan) and make it a point to get some early shopping done. So, I head out to Toys R Us and battle the maniacs. I’m standing in an aisle, looking over some stuffed animals (sorry honey, but they ARE still kids) when my cart slams into my side.

I look up, apology on my lips, thinking I hadn’t pulled my cart in beside me and was blocking the aisle. I HATE when people do that, so if I got slammed for blocking the aisle, okay. But when I look up, I meet the blue eyes of my arch nemesis, a.k.a. The Ex. Yeah, Leslie. In MY Toys R Us. Why the hell couldn’t she have stayed in Tennessee? I mean really, no reason for her to be here after all. She’s the one who foisted her child off on his daddy and never looked back. What the hell kind of trouble could she be stirring up now?

All I know is that I’m not putting up with this crap.

“Oooops,” she falsely apologizes, batting her fake eyelashes at me in a parody of remorse.

“Whatever, Leslie, now go away.” I turned my back and reached for a large stuffed moose before I smacked the crap out of her anyway. Forgive and forget, I always had to remind myself. Besides, not only did I have her man, I had her son too. When I was slammed in the hip a second time by my errant cart, I lost it. “What the fuck are you doing?” I bellowed, much to the astonished horror of a mother or two on the adjacent aisle.

She batted her plastic eyelashes at me again. “Don’t look at me, the cart did it.”

“Yeah,” I muttered, “all on its little lonesome too, I’m sure.”

Leslie grinned at me in a saccharine sweet sort of way and nudged her cart against my leg one more time. I dropped the moose into my cart and reached for the closest item. A life-sized stuffed baseball bat and swung, smacking her in the head. Being almost a foot taller than she, and a hell of a lot stronger, she flew backwards and landed on her little round ass, fuming. “You’ll get it for that,” she spat.

“Whatever,” I replied, pushing my cart off the animal aisle and went in search of a video game for my brother, the eternal child.

Security apprehended me on the Lego aisle and now Blake’s refusing to bail me out. Oh well, Shana said she’d be right over, I heard her in the background. She at least gets it, even if I won’t be getting any until my Cowboy calms down. But I’ve gotta admit… it was SO worth it.

And hey, don’t look at me, the stuffed bat did it all.

Turmoil

Inside.

Outside.

It surrounds me these days. Home, work, it doesn’t matter, I can’t get a break.

At the office, I have an irritable general and a still-jilted ex-boyfriend (although it’s been close to six years since we separated) to deal with, along with the ordinary, everyday trials of not just working in an office, but on a military base full of MEN every day.

At home, I have to divide my time between my rambunctious toddler, so close to being two (if he makes it that long, that is) and my sweet but demanding infant daughter so close to walking (which is why the toddler may not live much longer). Add into that the laundry, the ritual cleaning, the cooking, the animals (now numbering three), and my husband… who may not make it much longer either.

Outside, it’s raining and cold, which puts the kids on edge and Blake over the edge. He wants to be out in the forest, chasing defenseless little bunnies… the kids just want to get drenched and play in the mud. Can’t say I blame the kids, I’d like to go outside and play in the mud too, I think.

Inside, it’s much harder. Inside, I’m a mess. With Blake essentially ‘losing’ his job and then being reunited with my long-lost daughter, I don’t know which way to turn. Having Blake home 24/7 is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it means the kids don’t have to go to daycare, but a curse because well, he’s home all the time. I love the man dearly, but Lord does he know how to push my buttons. Add on top of all that the misery of how I’m feeling – tired, achy, cranky, nauseous, irritable – I think you get the idea. Yeah, that. Not good, is it? Yet another downside to having him home all the time. He’s friskier than any man I’ve ever known and heavens to Mergatriod, I’ve known some frisky ones in my time.

So, there you have it. Drenched in indecision, swamped in turmoil, and as I look out at my boy chasing my daughter, my daughter chasing Houdini the Hamster, and my husband watching it all with that endearing grin of his, I come to a realization.

I really wouldn’t have it any other way. Not today, not tomorrow, and certainly not yesterday.

50 Odd Things

Damn that Crazy Lady anyway...

1. Do you like blue cheese?  Only to dip my hot wings in!

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?    No. Why do you ask?  *looks around for any lurking commanding officers*

3. Do you own a gun? Lots.  Wanna see?

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic?  Does tequila count?

5. Do you get nervous before doctor's appointments? Has Blake been home lately?

6. What do you think of hot dogs?  Mmm... love 'em grilled... and just a little burnt.

7. Favorite Christmas Song.   Deck the Tanks...

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Tequila (see CL, we ARE a lot a like)

9. Can you do push ups?   Yes ma'am.

10. Do you believe in God, Jesus and the holy spirit?    Usually.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry you wear?  Dogtags, second only to my wedding band

12. Favorite hobby?  See, that other woman made you wonder.  Me?  Me, I'll tell you straight out that it's CENSORED.

13. Do you work with people who idolize you?   Absolutely!  And if they know what's good for them, they better KEEP on idolizing me!

14. Do you have A.D.D.?   *snort*  Stupid question.

15. What's one trait that you hate about yourself?  You mean I have undesirable traits?

16. Middle name?  Rachael.

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.  Where's Blake?  I have the Crazy Lady's Reese's Pieces.  And I really hate her for this.

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday. Ammo. Coffee.  Tequila.

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink. Coffee, coffee, and tequila..

20. Current worry right now?   Is that Rory's hamster comes out of hiding soon.  He's been A.W.O.L. for about two days...

21. Current hate right now? That freaking little hamster!!!!

22. Favorite place to be?  Tucked in with my Cowboy.

23. How did you bring in the New Year? *snickers lewdly*  Do you REALLY want to know?  I've got pictures...

24. Where would you like to go?  To sleep.

25. Name three people who will complete this.  You've got me there.

26.  Whose answer do you want to read the most?  I'd really be interested to see what Blake has to say...

27. What color shirt are you wearing?   Camo.  Duh.

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?   Why?  Is Blake home?

29. Can you whistle? Yes

30. Favorite color(s)? Green.  Grey.  Camo.

31. Would you be a pirate?    Maybe, if the pay was right.

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?  Anything that might annoy Blake. 

33. Favorite girl's name?  Rayna

34. Favorite boy's name?  Rory

35. What's in your pocket right now?   There are those handcuffs!

36. Last thing that made you laugh?  Raynie baby eating her dinner.

37. Best bed sheets as a child?  Ummm... camo?

38. Worst injury you've ever had?  You don't want to know.  Seriously.  It was gruesome. 

39. Do you love where you live?  Absolutely.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?   1

41. Who is your loudest friend?   Shana

42. How many dogs do you have?  None but the strays I feed.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?  Wouldn't doubt it.

44. What is your favorite food?   Tequila... err... nachos.

45. What is your favorite snack food?  Tortilla chips and salsa.

46. What is your favorite candy?   Tootsie Pops

47. What is your favorite sports team?  Army football!!

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?  If You're Reading This by Tim McGraw

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?  *grins mischievously*

50. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?   Damn, I can't bend that way any more...

I Love This...

I just KNEW there was someone out there who understood.  I just KNEW it.  Ali thinks I'm deeply deluded though.

 

Oh gods... she's looking at me with that LOOK again.  *sigh*  I think I'm about to get banned from the computer again...

~Blake, on the run...