Turmoil

Inside.

Outside.

It surrounds me these days. Home, work, it doesn’t matter, I can’t get a break.

At the office, I have an irritable general and a still-jilted ex-boyfriend (although it’s been close to six years since we separated) to deal with, along with the ordinary, everyday trials of not just working in an office, but on a military base full of MEN every day.

At home, I have to divide my time between my rambunctious toddler, so close to being two (if he makes it that long, that is) and my sweet but demanding infant daughter so close to walking (which is why the toddler may not live much longer). Add into that the laundry, the ritual cleaning, the cooking, the animals (now numbering three), and my husband… who may not make it much longer either.

Outside, it’s raining and cold, which puts the kids on edge and Blake over the edge. He wants to be out in the forest, chasing defenseless little bunnies… the kids just want to get drenched and play in the mud. Can’t say I blame the kids, I’d like to go outside and play in the mud too, I think.

Inside, it’s much harder. Inside, I’m a mess. With Blake essentially ‘losing’ his job and then being reunited with my long-lost daughter, I don’t know which way to turn. Having Blake home 24/7 is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it means the kids don’t have to go to daycare, but a curse because well, he’s home all the time. I love the man dearly, but Lord does he know how to push my buttons. Add on top of all that the misery of how I’m feeling – tired, achy, cranky, nauseous, irritable – I think you get the idea. Yeah, that. Not good, is it? Yet another downside to having him home all the time. He’s friskier than any man I’ve ever known and heavens to Mergatriod, I’ve known some frisky ones in my time.

So, there you have it. Drenched in indecision, swamped in turmoil, and as I look out at my boy chasing my daughter, my daughter chasing Houdini the Hamster, and my husband watching it all with that endearing grin of his, I come to a realization.

I really wouldn’t have it any other way. Not today, not tomorrow, and certainly not yesterday.