I Believe…

… that guns don’t kill people. Husbands who come home early do. Or so says Jeff Foxworthy.

Which brings me to where I am right now. What do I really believe? About me, my life, my love, my family?

I’ll start with the easy part first, my family. I believe that I have finally found just the right mix of serious and insane, enough down-to-earth to balance out the not-so-much-so. Between my adopted brother and my best friend, I think there lays a lot of grey area. A gaping grey area filled with people like my Cowboy, ‘Zook, Tim, Andy, Jo, Billy, Bucky and my Cowbaby. And there’s more, too many more to mention here and now.

Notice I didn’t mention any blood relatives? That’s because they are so not in my realm of family. My brothers hate me and my parents are just indifferent. Make for a fun life, doesn’t it? And as for my Cowboy’s family, I think they may just hate me even more than my own does, which is quite the accomplishment, if you ask me.

This is the reason I’m so thankful for Albie and even ‘Zook, they keep me smiling when I want to murder someone. Red and Billy give me reason to be relieved when the Cowboy and I fight. Seeing another couple so much in love that fights more than we do? It’s reassuring. It’s not always all that pleasant because ticking Scarlett off is never a smart thing to do, but it is comforting to know you’re not alone. Jo and Tim, I think, are the only two middle-of-the-road people I know. And God love them for putting up with all the rest of us.

What can I say about Rory, aka Bucky, and the little Cowbaby to be? Aside from the fact that they are a constant reminder to me of why I should NOT to murder their father? Kids change your life and Rory has gone above and beyond in that area. He’s brought so much joy, light, love and chaos into an already crazy home…

In the realm of my family, I believe that I am blessed.

My life is a much harder topic to tackle. My job sucks most days and I never know what’s going to happen next. My superiors are overbearing, obnoxious jerks that live to make my life difficult. However, seeing as they’re protecting the fate of the free world, would I really expect anything less? Would I want anything less? Probably not.

Being stuck on indefinite desk duty is a chore. No idea even when I’ll be allowed to get back to the real aspects of my job once this little one arrives. Six months? A year? And what will the Cowbaby’s Daddy say when that time comes around again? I dread that moment. It will not be a happy point in our relationship I’m thinking…

I believe that I may just survive my life as a soldier tied to a desk, just as long as they don’t make me stay here.

Which leaves me with the state of my love life… over the last year, it’s had its ups and downs, but I’ve, we’ve, managed to make it through. I do believe we’ve come out of all this crap stronger, happier, and a much more solid couple. Couple of what, however, remains to be seen.

But I digress…

My Cowboy hasn’t ever been made to be responsible for himself, let alone a wife and a young child. Rory was the surprise that changed his life, his attitude, and our relationship. His sudden appearance in our life made us reevaluate how and why we were together. And I think he’s come to understand that, since taking in and taking on a child that’s not even mine, that I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon. Something that, just a few months ago, he refused to believe was possible. As a matter of fact, that was something he was sure of just a few months ago. Confessing that small bit of information to me has always left me wondering why he’d proposed in the first place. If he didn’t think here was where I wanted to be, why ask? But, then, you have to consider the source on that one.

I’ll never regret this trip he and I are making together. There are days when I wonder why I worked so hard to get the right to be his woman, ask myself why I couldn’t just let him go… But then, Rory will give me one of his daddy’s smiles, and those little blue eyes will shine with joy and I know: This is what it’s all about. Being mom to this little boy has been an adventure; I cannot wait to see what his sister is like. After all, she’s not just part Cowboy; she’s going to be part me as well. God help her. I’m thankful he loves us all enough to not go postal on us all.

I believe that I’ve found the man of my dreams, and that he just may be a bit of a hopeless romantic at that… There’s no other explanation, is there?

~Ali, overflowing with hormones…