I’m So Dead

Blake is so not happy with me. He was happy to the extent that I made it home. Alive. But after that? He’s pretty much stopped talking to me.

I guess I can’t blame him.

If anything happens to this baby I’m carrying, I think it’ll be the end of everything. He’s so ticked that he only talks to me if he has to out of fear he’s going to say something to hurt my feelings. Although, none of that stopped him from telling me he was done. With everything. As soon as I’m healthy, he’s gone.

With Rory.

I can’t let this happen. It took me too damn long to find him, and even longer to keep him. What is it about me? Why the heck can’t I keep a relationship together? The last time he told me he was done, I wasn’t sure I’d ever see him again. This time, I know I won’t.

Gods, I’m such a pathetic whiner.

I need to just get off these pain meds and get my head together. I can’t think straight doped up like this. But damn, I hurt! Oh well. I’ll hurt a heck of a lot more if he leaves me and takes that sweet little boy out of my life. I refuse to let this happen.

The question is how do I convince him I meant no harm when he won’t talk to me? Hmm… I’m going to have to think on this one. I do not give up on anything. Least of all him. I’m not about to wait on him to have a change of heart, although it’s a possibility. He loves Rory so much that I find it hard to believe he’d leave me like this. So, maybe there’s still hope.

All I know is I can’t wait on him to change his mind. I need to change it for him.

~Ali